Have you ever dro—ed your –hone in hot chocolate or another liquid of some sort? If you have then you know that the letter after ‘o’ on your keyboard dies and refuses to work again. And then, of course, every time you go to ty-e something you find yourself hesitating when you move to –ress said button on the com-uter keyboard. You get frustrated on your –hone while texting so you decide to go ahead and re-lace the letter in question with a strategic hy-hen to inform your coris-onders that there is indeed a missing letter. This quickly becomes a joke among your friends; -eo-le going around saying things like, ”I’m so issed off,” and, “Lease ut u that hone young ule.” So now you’re really annoyed by this glitch your device has acquired. Es-ecially when you go to ty-e again after adding the thoughtful hy-hen in its –lace. You start wanting and trying with all your might to work the com-uter keys like the ones on your –hone which nags at you slowly until you decide to just take the stu-id B on the –a-er and hand write it.

One day you a#e texting an ext#aordina#ily long message. You a#e overwhelmed by hy-hens and you th#ow you# -hone to the ground, #ight into a muddy –uddle of mud and di#t. You quickly retrieve the device befo#e too much damage can be done to you# -#ecious life-line to the world, but it’s too late. Afte# d#ying it all out and leaving it be for seve#al hou#s, you find that yet another buttons life has been cut sho#t by you# abuse of its f#agel keys. The lette# bef#e ‘s’ will not wo#k now. You think to you#self, “G#eat, now what?” Not knowing the answe# you begin to #e-lace this new button with the numbe# symbol. Afte# all you couldn’t use the hy-hen again; that would confuse all you# contacts. You sit back in f#ont of the com-ute#, fo#getful of you# last little fiasco. You begin to ty-e and #ealize you have made a huge mistake. Now you see numbe# symbols and hy-hens invading your essay, infecting all you# wo#ds to the –oint of a com-letely new language. You# teache# will neve# buy this fo# an A and once again you must fo#fit to the –a-e# and –encil awaiting you on you# desk with o-en a#ms; just like old f#iends.

The next week you @#e sitting @t you# usu@al t@ble of f#einds for the mo#ning meeting du#ing which you let out all the d#@m@ of the -#evious evening, ext@nge sto#ies from befo#e you knew them. You set you# b@tte#ed –hone on the t@ble, ex-ecting a text mess@ge f#om you# mothe#- you h@d fo#gotten that d@ys m@th @ssignment. One of you# f#iends w@lks ove# with thei# b#eakf@st in h@nd. They sit #ight next to you @nd dig in to wh@t looked like powde#ed eggs and -#ocessed cheese rolled into @ che@- flou# to#till@. @fte# a few minutes of choking down the @wfulness th@t is c@fitiri@ food, they move on to thei# impossibly sm@ll k@#ton of o#@nge juice. Unfo#tun@tly the soggy c@#dbo@#d decides to be stubbo#n @nd you# f#iend b@ttles with it, huffing @nd –uffing @ll th#ough out the v@#ious conve#s@tions going on @round the t@ble. Th@t’s when it h@--ens. The k@#ton fin@lly comes o-en…..@ll ove# you# -oo#, @bused –hone. @ tiny sizzling sound sque@ks out of the h@#dwe@# followed by @ -lume of smoke. You st@#e, mouth g@-ing, @t the p@thetic sight in f#ont of you. This couldn’t be possible, it could be h@--ening. But it w@s. By the time you get you# -hone to tu#n on, it’s obvious that the#e is something w#ong. You quickly slide you# keybo@#d out, -ull u- @ bl@nk mess@ge, @nd -#om-tly check e@ch of the keys. When you get to the second #ow disp@re w@shes ove# you. The fi#st lette# of the @-h@bet is f#ied. It’s definitely time to get @ new –hone, you think to you# self @s you gl@#e down @t the sou#ce of @ll of you# recent f#ust#@tions, including yet @nothe# -@-e# fo# cl@ss; b@ck to the f@mili@# sheets @nd le@d filled –encils.

Your new phone gleams up at you, its screen shining brightly, its keyboard unmarked by hot chocolate, dirty water, or cafeteria orange juice. You breathe a sigh of relief as you type in a text to your mother to let her know you were out of band practice. Every time you need to hit the p, a, or r buttons you give a little sigh, a satisfied smile passing across your features. Now you can brave through that school paper and get that A you deserve.