"Loneliness is something I never thought I'd have to fear in my life. It is something that I was never on the brink of attaining. Rumors have spread about me in this resident hall. I have a long distance relationship with a girlfriend that I'm on and off with. I know for sure that I used to love her...I'm afraid I don't anymore. What's the point of one motivating oneself to pick one's head up, when all he or she gets is beaten down again." I look in the mirror at my enemy. Hatred, sadness, and loneliness are some of the few feelings that incessantly haunt my mind day by day. Maybe it's my own fault...because how can I expect others to love me if I don't even love myself. I hit my right hand hard across my face. You're so stupid.
"Stop". He grabs my right hand and then slides his hands across my waist, holding me while I continue to look in the mirror. "Forget about everything, live for the moment, and right now it's with me" he whispers in my ear. A tingling sensation rings from my neck to the bottom tip of my spine as I quiver in pleasure. I know I'll hate myself in the morning for this and it isn't fair to my faithful girlfriend but she's not here and he is. I'm burning for comfort and it feels so good to be desired. A feeling of nostalgia overwhelms me with memories from my past when I only dated boys. Thoughts rapidly race my mind, do I want this?
"People take life too seriously. Everyone just comes and goes. I started being happy when I stopped caring about what people do. We're friends and we're just having fun. Live for the pleasures of life. Come on Esmeralda" he begs.
I turn one hundred eighty degrees and look into his eyes. He just wants my body, he's a boy. I came here knowing his full intentions. That's already considered cheating. He's using me for pleasure and right now.. I need comfort. I close my eyes and push my lips against his. I miss the prickly feeling of a beard.