Freshmen Year 2.0

This year is going to be the year. The status: Freshman in college. I am referred to as sir now and not kid. I get the privilege of learning College math instead of kindergarten math is a step in the right direction. I cannot wait to meet my roommate; I hope we get a long great. I am not much of a “party animal” per say, but maybe I can try. Living on my own, making my own decisions, eating what I want, staying up till whenever I want maybe to finish homework. My choices. College will be the life.

The days are passing by where I will finally arrive at the college you will call my own. I will be leaving Everett. It is now two days till its move in day. My belongings are packed, and stuffed into the gold family minivan that has been in the family since I was in fifth grade.

It is now 9 a.m. and I am on my way to Salem State University and yes in the gold minivan. As I get closer, the feeling is real. The feeling of freedom. The feeling of living away from home. Oh, here is the campus. As I pull up to the curb, there is someone with an orange shirt on with the letters RR on the front coming towards me. Hello there, are you ready for the next craziest, gnarly year of your life? Here is your first six pack of beer of the year. Enjoy! Wait what. I turn around as my parents just watched their son get handed a six pack. Turning around, I see tables upon tables of beer pong going on. Students have six packs of beer in both hands and even next to them on the ground waiting to be guzzled down within minute’s even seconds, just left to cover the ground.

This is like nothing I have ever seen before. It was not like this when I visited; the campus was quiet and calming. I remember staring into the trees and leaves falling on the ground last September, but now it is covered with copious amounts of alcohol bottles and beer cans. Mom this is not what I signed up for. Honey this is only the first day, things will get better I promise. Keep yourself open for opportunity. RR stood or Residents Runs. God, I wish it was that easy. I wonder how my roommate is doing.

The architecture of the resident buildings is both eye catching and mouthwatering with such extravagant detail. The other building, Margarita hall, is a nice shade of whiskey brown that sends a tingle down my throat. There was not a pillar there but there an arc that looked as almost as if it were supposed to be in a castle. It was a nice shade of white almost resembling white wine. My building, Daiquiri hall, is covered with Brandy brown wood that almost makes your mouth thirst just gazing at it. There is a straight white pillar that almost looks like a straw waiting to be sipped out of. Different color plants covered the side of the building bringing a touch of pizazz to the environment. There are four identical wine red picnic tables out front along with an outside bar with a semi long line.
As I entered my building, there was a line. For what you ask? Of course another bar. How many bars does this school have? As I kept walking straight, I turned my head to see a Bud Light can in my face. Here bud, it is on the house, welcome to college. The bartender insisted I drink up, a nice gesture but not my type of beverage. I kept walking straight after I was bamboozled with alcohol; I turn to the left to notice three vending machines. The far left was for anyone who desperately needed pong balls for a nice game of ping pong of course. The Middle one was slightly bigger and covered with advertisements of beer: Bud Light, Coors Light, and Corona. The list of wines was: Pinot Grigio, Red, White, Sunset Blush, and Sangria. The list of vodkas was Smirnoff, Pinnacle, Grey Goose, and Ciroc. The far right vending machine was for cups, shot glasses and wine glasses. I do not think they left out anything for a party or Saturday night.
Walking through the halls, I saw all species of mankind in the book. The guy that played football all his life, the girl who shot a thousand points in her high school career, the guy who loved photography, the girl who had her nose in the books. They all shared a common hobby or interest: they all like their alcohol. I came up to my room, room 416. I opened the door to find that my roommate was already passed out spread eagle on his bed. Nice to meet you, good chat. I noticed his side of the room was filled with beer cans and vodka bottles. His walls were covered with posters of a bud light can and a shot glass of Smirnoff clinking together with the caption “Drink Responsibly” crossed out in red sharpie and written above it “Drink every damn day”. The rules of beer pong and different positions are on the left side of his wall looking down on him. The door said his name was Ryan from Norwood. I have family there, but was I willing to ask him when he is in a state like this. We’ll wait till tomorrow when he has at least sobered up. As I started to unpack, I noticed that there was a pong table in the corner of the room near Ryan’s bed. It had the Salem State mascot in orange and blue. Next to it were three sleeves of red solo cups and one sleeve of orange solo cups. These people do not turn down for anything. Lying on my desk was a brochure we all received and my packy card with a model picture of me.
On the brochure were the words “It’s college, drink up”. There were five rules we were to follow. Top Five Rules To Survive SSU: One: Wake up, have a drink Two: Before and after class have another Three: If you or a friend is empty, always refill Four: If you do not remember what happened, then you had a good time Five: If you are not found at a Beer Pong game, we will hunt you down Six: If you are sober, reevaluate yourself. I do not think I am qualified for any of these. I broke all of the rules so far and I have not even been here for an hour. There was another pamphlet that explained our packy cards. Here was our ticket to eating as well as drinking.
There were restaurants we could eat at such as Dominos and Dunkin Donuts and all the liquor stores nearby. Well that is convenient. Hey dude, I’m Ryan. I look over and it is my semi alive roommate. “Hey, I’m Josh” I said, surprised to see how towering he is. His muscles bulge from his shirt and his legs look like they could be two of me. Gym nut I see.
The vocabulary I hear here is crazy. Slammered, turn down for what? Wasty pants, white girl wasted, water bottles, bottoms up, part fouls, booze bruises, slop tart, the drunktographer, pregame, flip cup, getting caked, carousal, the crash, numb, the honest, spilling, drunk best friend talks. There is this new slang of the days of the week the school goes by. Monday is now Monday Funday. Tuesday is Twisted Tuesday. Wednesday is Wasted Wednesday. Thursday is Thirsty Thursday. Friday is Funnel Friday. Saturday is Shitfaced Saturday. Sunday is Slammered Sunday.
There was a book let with the words Courses for the 2020 Fall Semester. Let’s see what I will be taking, hopefully biology and math.
History:
124 History of Wine
3 credits, DII. An introduction to how this delicious drink is created. We will discuss its birthdate in the U.S. dating back in the Renaissance. We also will discuss the flavors and what goes well with wine. Three lecture hours per week.
121 History of Vodka
3 credits DII. An introduction to how this addictive drink is made. We will discuss its birthdate in the U.S. and why it is associated with negativity. Three lecture hours per week.
SMS:
105 Perfecting the Stumble
.5 credits. Through concentration and practice we will spend time on how one does the stumble. We will apply tricks and skill to perfect it. One lecture hour per week
110 Beer Pong
.5 credits. This course is designed to improve your ruit skills through difficult positioning and hard throws. This will include physical activity such as throwing behind the back and throwing using each hand. You will be shown different techniques to win. One lecture hour per week.
112 Flip Cup
.5 credits. This course introduces the skill and technique necessary to land the cup on the table with one try. Students will learn the appropriate knowledge and skill to be successful. Two lecture hours per week.
120 Freshmen 15 2.0
.5 credits. This course is designed to educate students on the proper measures to avoid the Freshmen 15. With the use of exercises and techniques, students will be shown ways to maintain an average weight. Two lecture hours per week.
114 Running From the Cops
.5 credits. Through basic skills and techniques, students will acquire the right method of running. Drills and obstacles will be used throughout the semester to improve Breathing techniques will also be worked on heavily. Three lecture hours per week.
Chemistry:
223 The Best Mixes
4 credits. This course will elaborate what alcohol goes with what. Different recipes will be offered and a taste test will be required. Two lecture hours per week.
101 Bartending
4 credits. Through this course, students will learn the technique and skill required to be a bartender. Students will be set up as a bartender on campus at the end of the semester. Three lecture hours per week.
English:
102 Drunken Talk
3 credits. This course allows students to expand their knowledge through drunken words. With different situations, you will learn what to say and what not to say. One lecture hour per week.
101 The Art of Bullshitting
3 credits. Students in this course will get first-hand experience with procrastinating work and winging their assignments. Through skills and techniques you will be able to ace any writing on the spot. Two lecture hours per week.
My schedule is really confusing since they gave me the classes instead of me choosing my own. On Monday Funday, Wasted Wednesday, and Funnel Fridays I have Bartending 101. I can barely pour myself a glass of water, this should be fun. On Monday Fundays and Thirsty Thursdays I have an SMS course called Freshmen 15 2.0. On Twisted Tuesdays and Thirsty Thursdays I have Drunk Talk and History of Vodka. On Wasted Wednesday I am taking another SMS course called Beer Pong. All over campus I see bubblers, but not of water. Some are filled with wine red or white, others with beer and vodka.
I have learned over the past few weeks that their main sport is beer pong along with flip cup. The games were filled with drunken students and an after math of both red solo cups and beer cans. I drank for the first time with Ryan last week at one of the beer pong games and it was not too bad, considering I only have two beers and could not keep my balance. Ryan on the other hand, was throwing beers back left and right. If only I thought. I hoped I could watch some basketball of hockey even. But those are the clubs which are on the lower scale than beer pong and flip cup. For clubs here they offer basketball, hockey, baseball, volleyball, and tennis. It almost makes more sense than what they serve here.
Every time I turn my head all my senses are infused with grease. The meals here are as if McDonalds was cooking our food. For breakfast, there are pancakes lathered in the gooey maple syrup with a side of sausage and toast with melted butter. Sometimes there are even fluffy waffles that have a choice of whipped topping and fresh strawberries. Burgers with bacon drenched in melted cheese are placed on student’s plates as a delicacy. Fries are a must side dish lost in a mound of ketchup. There is the occasional salad only some girls will dig in too. But most of the time everyone is fending for greasy foods loaded with sodium and carbs to relieve from the hangover.
Hangovers are regular in my room. I have only gotten one, thanks Ryan. He, well he lives for them. Every time he drinks, it is like an automatic hangover bound to happen. He almost never goes to classes yet he is passing all of them. And here I am over here working my butt off getting eighty fives. Stress, this is where I need to a drink. I’d never thought I’d say that.