The night ballooned before us. It was midnight, and the stars beckoned us forward, deeper into the woods, deeper into our resolute giddiness. Barefoot, we tramped through the mud and closed our eyes. We escaped, pretending we were in a different world, ignoring the purr of cars and the sharp smell of gasoline, the smooth scent of fresh cut wood for a house development nearby. We ignored anything and everyone, eager to define ourselves, as if this was the only night we had. Maybe it was.
I felt his arm around me, soft and warm. What was he doing? Who was he? What’s happening? He likes one of my friends, I remember. He spilled his heart out at midnight to the trees and anyone who would listen. For some reason nothing registered: all I saw was rose coloured glass, as if the world itself was beaming down at me. Where was I? Who was I? The world spun like a kaleidoscope, unraveling in front of me and coming back together again. For a moment nothing happened, as if we were both in shock, our thoughts strung out on our faces. But he didn’t let go, and we walked like that, and I didn’t mind as much as I should have. I should’ve minded. I’ll shove him off, I told myself. As soon as we gt to that tree over there, then I’ll run off with my friends. I never did, because I loved his arm around me so much, I loved the thought of someone liking me and me liking them back.
I tried to speak. My mind could think of nothing to say, but my mouth opened anyway, prepared to say something. Prepared to say all the things left unsaid in the world, to ask him if he loved me so that I could love him back. So that we would be alone, away from everyone and everything. Alienated willfully and wholly, glued together misshapenly because that was all we were, two people with a yearning for something more. He put a finger to my lips, hushing me quietly. I tried to sound indignant, I tried to shove away. But his arm around me was so nice and the world was looking down at us so happily that I was afraid that everything might shatter if I moved, that the world was a bauble I could break with a whisper.