Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the ones we love. That was the mantra she had been repeating in her head. She shouldn’t have been taking it so hard. They hadn’t spoken in months and she knew that it was too late to try and make things right. Somehow though, hearing the words spoken out loud had made it all a little too real.
She hadn’t been able to say the word goodbye; it wouldn’t go passed her lips and she was too far gone to try it. The entire conversation was like an out of body experience for her, and she was still praying that she would wake up and it was all just a dream. He hadn’t believed her just like she knew he wouldn’t. They’d talked about just letting go so many times over the past year that it was like the little boy crying wolf. She was serious this time though, and just like the little boy she was being eaten alive.
People should be treated a certain way and she had walked way around that. She had strutted passed his boundaries and did a dance on the line on which they stood. He had never said anything so she kept her conga line of random flings and meaningless male friends going to the beat of the music. They shook him up till he fell right into the arms of someone much better for him.
Jealousy is a shade of green that flatters no one, and she was wearing it like a flashing beacon. Though admitting it out loud was never an option she still wanted to talk to someone who would understand how she was feeling. There was only one person she felt comfortable with to admit the things she didn’t want to tell herself, and he wasn’t interested in what she was selling any longer.
The time comes when problems can no longer be fixed and all that’s left is regret. He was her one and only regret. If she could’ve done it over again she would’ve just said yes when he asked her to love him like he deserved. She should’ve been there all those times he needed her and someone else wanted to talk. Treating him like she had was not something she was proud of and she would’ve given anything to make him understand how sorry she was. There weren’t words that could come out of her mouth that could make up for the things that had been said and done, and there wasn’t a magic thread and needle that could sew the gaping hole that sat between them. All she had was one last show of love, and that was simply bowing out gracefully.
At the beginning she had wanted to fight for him, to show the world that he was hers and that no one could take him. In the end, however, she knew that she could never commit like he needed her to. Not until there was a ring on her finger and wedding bells in the background. Marriage was a big topic between the two of them. He never could understand how she would marry him in a second, but wouldn’t be considered his “girlfriend” for all the money in the world.
No matter how many times she tried to explain things like that to him, he never opened his eyes enough to see that point of view. Every relationship she’d ever had was a disaster, including their seemingly innocent friendship, and she valued him too much to hurt him the way she knew she would. There was a trend on the female side of her mother’s bloodline to do unspeakable things to the people that one loved the most. After working hard her whole life to stray from that path and do what she knew was right she had somehow fallen into that groove and dug herself so deep into it there was no way out. No matter what she did someone was hurt or unhappy, and it killed her a little.
No one could say that she didn’t try to fix it. She tried so hard to work it out that she wore herself too thin and broke down at the very moment that she needed to be strong. He had been the one person she’d tried so hard to keep close and happy, and she had failed. The arms she was so used to being in were suddenly gone and the only shoulder she had to cry on was her own. He used to brush her hair aside and kiss that one place on her neck that made her spine tingle and whisper in her ear that everything would be okay. Now he looked at her red ringed eyes and turned away, leading her to believe that nothing would ever be okay again.
One thing about the situation, however, is that he liked to leave on his own terms; he couldn’t stand it when she told him that she wasn’t going to be around. He had taken it well at first, and then eventually told her to stop talking like she was going to be gone forever. He had no idea how serious she was about doing exactly that. He deserved the kind of happiness that she couldn’t bring, and while she could bear to watch him with his new love, she couldn’t stand not being the one in control of that decision.
She knew he had forgotten but a long time ago, but once she sent him a text that contained the quote that summarized every feeling she had ever had about him when things weren’t good between them. She had painstakingly typed it into her phone and sent it to him with a side note that she was sorry and that she didn’t want to fight anymore. It still described how she was feeling and explained why she was doing what she had chosen to do.
It wasn’t a very long quote; it was hours of tireless begging and explaining packed into a couple sentences that rattled her nerves.

“Disappearing can be quite the coping mechanism for those of us who fear abandonment the very most of all. If we disappear, you have to find us. You're the one who worries. We know where we are, but you can't leave me. I'm in charge and doing the leaving. Not the other way around.”
-Jennifer Neal
The only problem is that she was lost without him. She had grown up with the mindset that she would never need anyone. She had taught herself that the only person she could ever depend on was in fact, herself, and that anyone else that she put her trust in would eventually leave. She wasn’t wrong but she had let her guard down.
She needed him; she had let him carry her for so long that when he dropped her and walked away, she had forgotten what it was like to walk alone. She was once again afraid of the dark, and she was no longer bulletproof. It didn’t matter how thick she applied her eyeliner or whether or not she was wearing her tough looking leather jacket, she was once again just a scared little girl set loose upon the world to find her own way back to a home that she hadn’t had for far too long. He had been her rock and she had melted against him like wax next to a flame. She could feel it as bit by bit pieces of her dripped onto the cold unforgiving ground.
“Sometimes we have to sacrifice things for the ones we love.” She kept telling herself as she walked away from the one person she couldn’t stand to lose. “If you’re not the best then at least let him be better.” She made a promise to herself and the man that she loved more than the world that she wouldn’t turn around and beg him not to go. She wouldn’t allow herself to be weak any longer. She would not shed another tear. Picking one’s self up off the ground was something she needed to remember how to do, and even if he offered his hand to help her, she would not take it. She would be fine on her own and he would be happier without her holding him back from the opportunity that he was destined to take. She said goodbye, and that was that.