She could smell salt and hear rushing water; a light, chilly breeze ruffled her hair as she looked out at a moonlit sea and a star-strewn sky. That girl, the one standing on a cliff in a pretty, ocean blue dress, that’s me. Ever since my life hit the restart button, I don’t feel part of my body, or of this world. I’ve tried to scream and I have tried to go back in to my body but I can’t. It doesn’t really bother me. I can’t feel pain anymore and that’s good I guess, I am happy. But I really do miss talking to my sister.

She is wonderful that Lehana, she really is. She played with me when I was small and she talks to me when I am sad. She is the one who raised me, not my mom. My mother died when I was nine, and before that she use to be in the lab the entire day, she was a scientist you see. She lived in that lab, died in it to when one of her tests went wrong. My dad is still here, I think. I'm not really sure of anything since it went dark. We only get to see him at night, he works really hard ever since mom past away. We were very happy before mom died, we are still happy but not in the same way.

I got to see her. After everything went dark a while ago, she came to me and I could talk to her. However, when the lights came back on she was gone, and so was I. I can now see my self without looking in the mirror and I cannot feel the wind in my hair but I know it is there, flowing through the trees all day.

I don’t remember much from before it happened, nor what really went wrong. It all happened so fast. We were driving to take my sister back to college; she is really smart and goes to a college in the big city. When we got there, she had to go to class and I was hungry, so my dad and I went to get some lunch. Every thing went black after that. All I remember I two loud bangs and a scream, and now I am here on a cliff... or my body is.
Lehana is standing next to me with a golden box in her one hand, it had dust or ashes in it, I'm not sure, but I think it is ashes. She places her free hand in to the box, takes out some of the ashes and scatters it in to the ocean then she starts to cry. My body takes the box from her ice-cold hands and pours the rest of the ashes in to the deep, blue-green sea of Ireland. I’ve done this before, at this very spot, I can remember that. I was nine years old and my mother had just past on to the Other World.

My sister hugs me so tight that I cannot breathe, but for some reason I do not care. I want to hug her back but I realise that I have no control over my body. I start to panic. I want to feel the pain, I want to feel emotions again, I don’t like not being sure if this is real or if it is just a dream! I want to go back in to my body! I start to pray. I can see my body fall to the ground and so am I. But I don’t hit the ground; I just fall in to a dark pit with no end in sight.

Suddenly, I am back. I can feel the ambulance under me start to move, I can feel the sad, warm tears on my arm, Lehana’s tears, I can also feel the anger and hurt in side my heart that is tearing me apart. I remember what happened that day in the restaurant. I can see the blood running from my dads heart right after a sharp pain hit me in my head. My father is dead. It was his ashes I just showered in to the ocean; it was because of him my sister was crying.

I know now, as we drive to hospital that there will be many more tears to come and that my heart will be sore, maybe forever. But the anger will go away and Lehana and I will be happy again. Because, even now while we are unhappy and sad, we will always have love. Not the kind of love we see in movies, but a deeper love. The love between sisters and the love from God.