“I give off the illusion of contentment as I saw her come nearer, this figment of perfection in a dreary place like this. She tucked herself snug against my side and leaned in close as she whispered slurred words in a hot, drunk breath that I felt hang off my ear. What I heard, I couldn’t comprehend or even hear over the music and the other partiers yelling on the dance floor. They danced everywhere, on the tables, on the counters, on the stairs, on the banister, on each other. The beer to puke proportion on the floor was about one to one and the beer in puke ratio was about the same. I’ve hardly had a taste of either. There were druggies hanging out around the dining room table. One of them either passed out or overdosed, but nobody seem to notice him or hardly care. She gripped the fabric of my shirt covering my chest and began to slide down the side of my body and then slid her way back up. I opened my mouth, but then she put a cold finger over my lips and mumbled orders to not say a single words. Then she kissed me. I could taste the booze, the smoke, the puke. She pulled me into her bedroom and let go of the grip she had on my shirt as she pushed me onto her queen sized bed and pulled herself onto me. As I sat up, she she began to take off my shirt and as my shirt passed over my head, everything disappeared. I was back in my room on my bed at three in the morning. I look around and the only thing I see is the blaring red light from my alarm clock. I need to get her out of my mind. What has she done to me? I lay back down and have another sleepless night. I just want to be numb.
“These past three years have been so hard without her. I just stare at the roof imagining the blurry muddle of the morning yet to come. Letting my mind wander, thinking about how I got here. How all she wanted from me was more. She wanted me to be something I’m not. She wanted me to just magically change into something better all for her. I gave her my all and I’m still the same way, but she would never listen. I’m still the same man. I give off the illusion of contentment as I saw this dreary figment of her walking away in a perfect place like this. It’s like this every night. I just want to be numb.”

I listened as Mikel spoke about his struggles.