Grandma’s coming over tonight. It’s kind of a privilege… but not really. She comes over once or twice a month. I wish it were once or twice a year. I used to think she was fun but I’m fourteen now and can see the stress she always puts on us. I notice now, Mom running around endlessly cleaning, finishing setting the table, making things perfect. Endlessly hassling about, spending money on things we can’t afford. When Grandma is here we try to live elegantly to impress her. When she’s not here we live in the dirt. This might not be so bad but the problem is when Grandma’s not impressed, mom goes out and buys more stuff causing us to only live worse when Grandma’s not here. We don’t have that much money and I’m ok with that. But Mom’s not. She thinks we have to live like Grandma. It stinks because Grandma is the largest shareholder in Dell, so that’s virtually impossible. I mean, she is seriously loaded. And the stupid thing is she never shares a penny because mom pretends we’re rich. It sucks.

Crap. I look down at my hands where I just missed the core of the apple completely. We have to have the perfect apple pie for grandma and I just screwed one of the apples up. I’m using an apple corer to pull out the seeds. I have to plunge three more holes with the apple corer in order to clean it of seeds. I pick up the next apple and study it for a second. The large outer meat of the apple completely surrounds the seeds inside. I set the apple down and think about the apple for a second.  I plunge the apple corer straight into the center of the apple and yank the seeds on out. I look at the seeds, then the apple corer, then the apple. I don’t know why but I feel compelled to throw the seeds in the pie and the apple in the trash. After all, the seeds always get thrown away, they are always trash. Why not just give it a chance for once. I slowly stick one of the seeds in my mouth and bite down. It crunches and is pressed flat between my teeth. It’s very bitter. I quickly spit it out in the trash feeling foolish and wonder who even had the idea to make the seeds a part of the apple. That’s when I remember why the seeds are there in the first place, again I feel like an idiot. I quickly take three more seeds and slip them into my pocket before Mom can notice. And I continue coring apples for the pie, throwing the seeds in the trash.

Dinner is cleared and new dishes are set for dessert. The apple pie has just finished baking and I remove it from the oven with the potholders. Careful not to break the crust, I set it down in the middle of the table. I take out our fancy knife and cut a small piece of pie for Grandma. I notice mom is very observant. She almost looks anxious. I place the slice very carefully on her plate. I proceed to give one to me and myself and Mom. Grandma very neatly, cuts off the nose of her slice of her pie with her fork She neatly places the bite in her mouth and chews. I haven't even touched my slice. I just watch as her eyes light up. “Just the way I like it Emily”, she says. I smirk and dig into my pie. She doesn’t notice.

May, 24 2014
Later, after Grandma had left, and after I had cleaned the dishes, I took a plastic cup and filled it with water. I made my way to the garage and found the small gardening shovel mom used for the petunias around the house that we can’t afford. I quietly opened the door to the back yard and slipped outside. I heard an owl call and a coyote answer. I was slightly deterred but continued outside anyways. I rushed over to the back corner of the yard and got to work. I dug a three inch deep hole next to the metal fence, in the dirt. I carefully took the apple seeds out of my pocket and pushed each one, individually, into the soil. I covered the hole back up with  dirt and dribbled the water over it. I sat there quietly watching the turned up soil, in the moonlight. I’m not sure how long I sat there, but soon I was getting up on my feet and walking absentmindedly back into the house we can’t afford.
-Emily

June, 21 2014
As much as I tried the apple tree would not grow. I’m not entirely sure why, maybe too much sunlight, bad soil conditions? All I know now, is that sometimes seeds are not meant to grow. Sometimes, they grow into beautiful trees, but sometimes, they rot in the dirt.
-Emily