I sat in the basement bathroom crying to myself with a razor in one  hand and a pencil in the other.

Dear Mom,
I’ve decided to take my own life. I am so sorry. I’ve been called a mistake and worthless many times. Today 5 girls told me to go kill myself. It’s been like this every week. I don’t deserve this, but it’s what everyone else wants. Even Dad wanted me gone. Please don’t try to do anything about this. Only like 10 people will care. I know I am your baby girl and would do anything to stop me but you can’t. What I want right now is to be dead. If I'm not dead when you find me just let me suffer right there. Make sure to tell my friends that they can have whatever they want and that I love them. Mom, I know I don’t say this very often to you, but I love you and I always will.
Love,
Madison
P.S. This is not your fault. If you want someone to blame, blame the people who bullied me. Ask my friends who they are, they’ll know. 

I stood up and walked up the stairs to put the note in my room. I made my bed and turned the light off and walked out, shutting the door behind me. As I made my way out to tell my dog goodbye forever the thoughts came rushing through my head. “Hey, Madison, when you get home, you should kill yourself” a group of girls yelled across the parking lot.
“Hey, ugly, why don’t you do yourself a favor, either get prettier or you can die,” one of the popular boys said to me.
“Hey, Madison! Do you remember that time that you had a crush on Todd, yeah gross Todd. I would have killed myself if I were you,” my ex best friend Jessica  announced.
At one point in time my ex-boyfriend was spreading rumors that I had an abortion, which was not true. Ever since I was younger, I would  get bullied for having short hair and hanging out with the wrong kids. I also got bullied in 6th grade about being gay, even though I'm not. It’s just, my brother came out as bisexual. It kills a piece of me inside every time someone uses gay as an insult. No one knows the true pain of someone like me. No matter how much help people could offer, nothing works.
Every night I would cry in pain as the blood poured out of my wrists. The tears mixing and burning on my freshly cut skin. I would cry until 3 in the morning. I started to believe what  people were saying. I fell into this deep hole and was never able to crawl back out.
  This will be last time I will cry, this will be my last time for everything I’m going through. After years of depression, I will be happy. The cold razor slices back the skin. Then I move it to the next section of skin. I keep repeating this until I have cuts almost everywhere besides my face. The blood drips all over the floor making it look like a murder. I breathe slowly and heavily. I walk over to the bathtub and test the water with my blood soaked hand. The redolent smell of rosewater filled the room. The last thing I’ll ever smell.
I hear my mom shut the garage door. I step into the bathtub and lie down. I hear mom calling my name and saying she is home.  My life began to start replaying what I’ve done. It started when I was born and to where I am right now. That’s when I realize I am moribund. It was too late. I close my eyes, hold my breath and let the blood pour out. I die.

Shortly after I passed, my mom raced downstairs. “Madison! Madison! Please stay. You can’t die on me. I promised to never let you go,” she screamed. The door flung open as she screamed in horror to see her baby girl dead. There I was floating in the bathtub. “Baby, please. Why did you do this to yourself? I loved you. I don’t understand it,” she sobbed.
My dad came home shortly after this happened. He rushed downstairs to the sound of my mom’s cries for help. He bursted into tears once he saw my body floating in the pool of blood. He fell to his knees with the tears flowing out of his eyes. My mom finally got a hold of herself and called the paramedics. Then she called my brothers, Jordan and Luke. As I watched, I saw my brothers break down for the first time since my grandpa passed away. I felt horrible. Shaking in complete shock, they both fell to the floor and wept for the longest time.
Soon after, the paramedics arrived and hustled downstairs. It was way too late to do anything now. They picked my lifeless body up out of the water and put me onto the gurney. My mom clung to my weeping family and trembled as I was carried up the stairs. The one paramedic whispered into my ear “Why did you do this, sweetie? You are so pretty. I don’t understand why a girl as pretty as you would do something like this.” I wanted to wake up right there and tell her I regret doing this, but I couldn’t.
The hard part is for my mom to tell the school why I didn't show up the next day. Unfortunately, my mom  had to make that happen in the morning. “Hello, Mrs.Evans? This is Carrie Market, Madison Market’s mother. I had to call and say that last night Madison committed suicide and obviously will not be attending school today or, in this case, any other day.” My mom cried.
“What? She committed suicide last night, I’m so sorry for your lost,” Mrs. Evans,the secretary, wept. My mom just hung up because she couldn’t udder out another word.
They made the announcement to the whole high school during our crazy lunch time. “We would like to inform you about  a student who died last night. Madison Market, a young, intelligent student, committed suicide. We are very shocked that this has happened. I was surprised and confused  when  Mrs. Evans told me this morning and I still am. Please forbear us until we find out what caused her to do this. If you know her in any way, please show your respect. In fact, we would like to have a moment of silence for our beloved Madison.” Principal Peck stuttered into the microphone. The whole school erupted into tears.
I could see the frustration of every student in the room. My friends screamed out loud and ran out of the cafeteria. They curled up into  little ball and refused to leave that position for the rest of the day. They spent the rest of their lives regretting not helping me. 
The people who bullied me hated themselves. They stopped hanging out with each other. They went to therapy to try to get help, but like myself, it  would not help them. They tried to get close to my friends to comfort them, but my friends denied it since they knew what they did to me.
The people who never said anything felt terrible. They thought that maybe they could have done something to prevent this, hating themselves for staying silent. They could have made the situation better, but decided not to do anything. All they did for the next few years was stare blankly at their walls for hours.  Some of my friends were even the ones who stayed silent. Some of them  were put into hospitals for trying harm themselves.

Later that week, I got all dressed up for my funeral. The cuts were all covered up by makeup. My pale skin looked even paler with the light. The long line of people who wanted to visit me one last time was strung out the door. They would walk up to my family then me. The tears that were hiding in the corner of their eyes started to trickle down their cheeks. A lot of them couldn’t even look at me. Others stood there for awhile in silence, wishing they could talk to me. My friends came through one after another. They stopped right in front of me and broke down again. I can’t take back what I’ve already done. I want to apologize to them, but I can’t. There are way too many things I can’t do anymore. Now I will have my friend’s and family’s sorrow upon my shoulders.
At my funeral, my family sat in the front row with my friends surrounding them. Rows and rows of people dressed in black. My mom and dad stood up to come kiss me goodbye forever. Their warm lips pressed against my cold body.The people in charge walked up to my casket and closed it. My family saw me for the last time.  I left my friends forever. The pall bearers lifted me up and carried me to my body final resting place. I was laid down in the 7 foot deep hole. This is my first time for dying and my last time for everything.  I wouldn’t be here if the bullies would have stopped, but they couldn’t resist making themselves feel better, thanks a lot guys.