It's Saturday again. Which means another day spent reminiscing with my daughter on the old pontoon boat. She loves hearing stories about all the times I spent on this boat with her father. Her 5 year old imagination goes to so many places when she hears them.
It's only 8 o'clock in the morning and she is already rushing out the door heading for the boat. Her blonde hair still a mess from sleeping and her big blue eyes pleading at me to walk faster. It pained me to tell her that this is our last boat ride because we will be selling it. But she simply shrugged and suggested a longer boat ride so we can say our goodbyes.
It's a longer process to anchor without his help, but I manage.
She is so eager when I finally settle down next to her. I can tell she can't wait for me to begin.
“It was a beautiful summer day, not a cloud in sight. I remember we couldn’t wait to get out on the pontoon for a day on the lake. It was so rare to get alone time with him.
We decided to pack a picnic and head out.
It was cooler once we got out on the water. The slight breeze being a perfect balance with the heat of the sun.
He was always so relaxed when behind the wheel. I loved watching him as he drove, always knowing exactly what needed to be done, while looking like he was focused on nothing but the way the breeze chased the water into little waves. I couldn’t help but stare at him. The wind would blow his blonde hair straight up, and he always had such a content look on his face, like he could stay there forever.
This was his paradise. I just hoped someday it could be our paradise…
Once we had finally anchored in our usual spot, the side of the peninsula that was only us and nature, he joined me on my side of the boat (the side you and I are sitting on), and we faced the golden sunset. I became so immune to this routine, it felt so natural.
But when he sat down, I knew something was wrong.
The way he held me was wrong.
Uncomfortable.
I wanted to ask what was going on, but fear crept into every inch of my body. The possibility that it could be exactly what I never wanted to hear.
He had been debating what college he would attend in the fall for a while now. One was about 40 minutes away. The other…10 hours away. I was only a sophomore in high school at the time so of course my hope was in the closer one.
I wondered why he would even consider a school 10 hours away from me.”
“What happened next!?” she interjected, eyes filled with eager worry.
I continue, “It was unexpected. Even though it was exactly what I was expecting.
It was like a bomb had been dropped on every stitch of hope I had left for a chance of us.
I was flooded with so many different emotions. I was angry and sad that he would choose to be far away from me. But I was also happy. I knew that if he was so willing to leave me, then this school must be exactly where he needed to be.
And it was! He wouldn't have become the man he is today without that school.
And now look where we have come! We have you! Our beautiful baby girl. You are perfect proof to never lose hope in the things you love.”
This was a perfect story to tell her for the news I have.
“I love hearing all the stories about you and daddy on the boat. Why do you have to sell it if there are so many memories?” she asked.
Here goes.
“Well, remember how I told you daddy is spending some time away from us for a little while?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, daddy is pretty sick, but I don't want you to worry because there are a lot of people that are trying their hardest to get him better. He is in very good hands at the place he is staying. So all you and I need to do is pray that he can come home to us soon. But it costs a lot of money for him to stay at the place with all the people that are helping him, so the money we get from selling the pontoon will help with that.”
“But we can find different ways to pay for it! I have money in my piggy bank that will help! I can sell some of my toys, or anything, but we can't sell the pontoon. It’s too valuable with memories.”
I try so hard to hold back the tears as I stare at her, shocked that she would be so willing to sacrifice for her father who is in a situation I'm sure is beyond her understanding.
Her optimism inspires me. And that's when I realize, I need to take my own advise, and not lose hope in the things I love. She truly is perfect proof of that.