Dear 12 year old Nova,

Don’t grow up too fast. I know things are hard. Dad’s just starting to get diagnosed with his multiple diseases and you're just wanting to be noticed by your mom and dad. They do notice you and they love you so much, more than words can explain, they are just going through something, like especially money, they are worrying about supporting the three of you financially. I just want you to know, just because you see mom and dad struggling, doesn’t mean you have to start wasting away your childhood to grow up, acknowledge that dad is sick. Though don’t go into a shell, and waste it all away. You’ll regret it. No one will understand, but in order to get through everything you have to stay optimistic. No negative stuff positivity. Also start looking after Joe, he’s going through a lot and he really needs you, the only man in his life he looks up to is dad, and seeing him hurt and sick, is killing him on the inside. So yes you may be younger than him, but it’s time for you to act like a older sister and talk to him; have him learn to trust you.  Then Micheal, stay close to him, one day he’s going to be gone in college sooner than you know it. Then when he’s gone, you’ll be far away from each other that you’ll hardly ever get to see him. You say now that you won’t miss him, but you will and when you see him walk out that door to go to college your heart will ache. You're going to go through a lot of heartaches in your lifetime, but now you just some more than others. Though you are such a strong person that on the inside you’ll be able to get through them with helping others, while staying and growing up at a slow pace at the same time. I don’t know how much I have to stress to you about now growing up, like I want you to grow up, but grow up a little more every year your birthday comes around. So then every year, you're a little older. So when you finally 18, you’ll be behaving like you're 18 and so on. Everyone in your life wants to see you as this mature young girl and they will and you’ll be beyond intelligent. Keep dancing too, don’t give up on your dreams, even apply to Juilliard because with all the hard work you’ll definitely get in no doubt, they will just love you. Dancing is what is going to help you through all of your hard times, when you have no one to talk to, talk through your dancing. You're really gonna need it when you turn 19, something traumatic is going to change your life I’m not going to tell you, but what I’m going to tell you is, that you need to cope, learn how to cope. Ohhh Nova there is so many things I want to tell you, but what I’m realizing is, writing this letter to my younger self, is just me my old silly nineteen year old self. Trying to tell myself what I could have done to make my life better. What I could have done to change things. I made myself grow up so much that I can’t even make myself believe that I’m writing this to you although in the back of my mind I know what I’m doing this, to make myself a better person. Maybe when I’m 38, ill read this letter and write a letter to my 19 year old self about what i could have done. Though on a big note, don’t be afraid of future there is a plan set out for you and even though, when you around the age of 16 or 17, things are going downhill fast and I mean fast. Just remember there's a reason for everything. Then there's a reason for everything to happen.
 

Love,
                               19 year old Nova.