He asked me, ‘How are you?’
That is a very loaded question, I wanted to say. Very loaded and very unfair because how do you tell someone you’re sad but you can be happy, that your life is stable, but you're drowning in memories? How do you tell him you’ve moved on but you may still be in love with him? He says my name and reaches for my shoulder waiting anxiously for my response. Instinct. Panic. I jump back.
‘I’m well.’ I say. I tug the ends of my sweater and straighten my hair, folding my arms over my chest.
‘Why do you do that?’ He complained, ‘You’re not good, you’re well. You’re not angry, you’re scared. You cross your arms in an attempt to block me out.’ He looks me up and down but his shoulders are still broad, and I know I haven’t broken him yet. I grimace and shuffle a couple steps backwards toward the train tracks.
‘You look well.’ He steps a little closer to me.
‘Yeah, well perception is a powerful thing.’ I slip and fall halfway backwards before I catch myself. My heels are hanging over the edge, the tracks only a few feet below. His arm is instinctively outstretched inches from mine. I pull my hand into my chest before he can touch me. His shoulders cave and his tense willed smile breaks.
‘How have you been?’ He steps back aware and vulnerable. I step forward and to my right to a safe distance from the tracks and him.
‘I’ve been well.’ He wants to yell. His arms bulge and I realize the boy I loved years ago is now a man. He’s tall, handsome, soft. His green eyes still look full of life, just a little more worn. But this man standing in front of me still has the same give as the boy from years ago. His arms relax and I know he won’t yell.
‘Catch me up.’ He puts his hands in his pockets and I tug a couple strands of my hair to tighten my ponytail. I still curl my hair, but I cut it. I wonder if he noticed.
‘I graduated as an ER pediatric nurse about two and a half years ago. I have an undergrad in journalism. I run a very successful blog, and met an amazing man. My parents died in an accident two weeks before my wedding and I’m doing okay. I’m well.’ He is biting his bottom lip the way he does when his is wanting to say something. It’s never been profound, but it’s usually vulnerable.
‘I graduated in architectural design about three years ago with a minor in creative writing/journalism. I live in a small apartment in the city. I am in the process of starting my own company right now, and I am holding on.’
I don’t know why, but in that moment I wanted to step closer and hug him or maybe grab his hand. He sounded fine but looked miserable and here I am standing on the platform at a train station feeling bad for the boy who broke my heart. But all I can say is ‘Well I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.’
We stand close together, but far enough apart to be comfortable. I really need to paint my nails. They're all chipped and peeling and when we dated I always kept up on my nails. As soon as they faded I’d go to get them done and now all the sudden I’m self conscious. I cross my arms over my chest hiding my nails and look up at him.
‘You’re blinking a lot,’ he claims and shuffles in place a little, ‘you always do that when you’re nervous.’
‘Sorry.’
‘I miss you.’ I open my mouth to say something, bite my lip and try again.  I want to say I miss you too but I’m happy. I miss you too, I want you too, but that would just be naive, like we’re in highschool again.
‘I-I’
‘Mommy!’ I didn’t even hear the train pull up. We are now swarmed with people, we’ve both stepped in closer. Little arms wrapped around my legs and pushed me back into the real world.
‘Hi baby!’ I crouch down and kiss her on the head running my hand over her hair. ‘Where’s daddy?’
I feel a hand on my back, ‘Right here.’
I wrap one arm over his shoulder and one under his arm. ‘How was your trip?’ He smiles and I remember why I fell in love. That smile.
‘It was really good.’ He looked over my shoulder, smiled, but his eyes were sad. He knows as well as I do. ‘Me and Charlie are going to go get the car. I’ll pick you up out front?’
‘Okay.’ He kissed me on the cheek, grabbed her hand and walked away. I take a deep breath and ring my hands together.
‘I guess I didn’t notice your ring.’ He motions to my hand I looked down. I’d never really studied my ring but it really was beautiful. I nodded.
‘I’m glad you’re happy.’ He gave me a half smile.
‘Thank you.’
‘Your daughter really is beautiful.’ I dropped my arms.
‘She kinda looks like you doesn’t she?’ I turned around, tightened my hair tie again and walked back up the stairs. 
‘I’m well,’ I said, ‘I’m well, I’m well.’ I just need to say it enough to believe it.