“You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”
-Michelle Obama

I rub my groggy, tired eyes and reach over from my spot in my bed and grab my puzzle piece shaped box like I do every day. Only today, I actually think about it.  I think about what it means.  I run my fingers over the smooth, handcrafted wood, courtesy of my late grandfather.  I think of Rosalee, on the other side of town, doing the same.  I open the box and feel the velvet cushion that would one day - hopefully, and hopefully soon - house a ring. 
The other box belongs to my girlfriend, Rosalee.  The two individual boxes are shaped like puzzle pieces and they fit together perfectly.  They are both currently empty, which symbolizes the commitment that we will one day make to each other.  We will find the perfect ring for the other and promise each other the world and our lives.
I hear a knock at my door and realized just how much time had passed since I woke up.
“Who is it?” I say, loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear, just in case it is the housekeeper, who sometimes has a hard time hearing. 
“Julia, dear, it’s me.  Your mother would like to see you downstairs.”  Of course, it’s Olga, she’s the only one who comes near my room.  It’s almost like the other people in this house think I have the plague or something. 
I thank her for telling me and get dressed.  I gel my hair so it isn’t in my eyes all day.  I know my mother hates my short hair - it makes me look too “masculine.”  Maybe that’s why I do it.  Maybe I secretly like pissing her off.  No, that’s a lie.  I am the only peacekeeper around here, or at least I try to be. 
I make the long trek down the elegant hallway, sprinkled with cute little hall tables and vases of flowers.  Mostly, there are peonies, my mother’s favorite.  She gets so excited when it’s spring and she can finally put them all over the house.  Down the stairs I go and I get dizzy every time, spinning around the spiral staircase. 
Leaning over the table, is my mother.  Her long blonde hair (the absolute opposite from mine) is falling over her shoulders and partially covering her face.  She’s probably planning another one of the stupid galas for my dad’s work.  I’m pretty sure that a law firm doesn’t need a gala every month, but whatever.  It keeps my mom busy during the day, I guess. 
“Good morning, Mother.  Olga told me you wanted to see me?”  I have to talk to her in a formal(ish) tone.  She wants to feel important.  I want to make her happy, so I do. 
“Yes, dear, I wanted to let you know that we have another gala coming up this month.  How exciting, right? Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you are going so you can meet Alexander, your father’s boss’s son.  He will be taking over the business soon, and I think he could make a great potential boyfriend!”  She knows I have a girlfriend.  She knows that I’m happy.  She knows that I will never want to marry a man.  Still, she always pushes me to meet different rich boys.  She is very conservative and thinks that every woman should marry a rich man, have his children, and never work a day in her life.  I think that’s ridiculous. 
“Mom, you know I am not a fan of these galas.  Getting dressed up and dancing with random boys and having to talk to them is my least favorite thing to do in the whole world.  Do you really think that I need to go?” 
“Yes, Julianna, you need to go,” she said, in a very demanding tone, using my real name that I haven’t been called since the last time I tried protesting going to one of my dad’s work functions.  My dad hates how pushy and conservative she is.  He has told me before that he wishes he would have known how she really was before he married her.  That was before I knew that he was sneaking around on her with his boss -- his male boss. 
I think secretly, my father only married my mother because he was in denial of his true identity.  Even if somebody told my mother this, she would deny it and insist that nobody in her family is gay, especially her husband. 
I can feel my head sink onto my shoulders and I get sad.  Rosalee gets really upset whenever my mother makes me go to these work functions.  Even though she knows that I will never be interested in one of these men, she still gets sad to know that I have to talk and dance with them, which I fully understand.  Honestly, I get sad too, knowing that I have to flirt and entertain these people that I will never want to be in a relationship with. 
“Oh, Julianna?  One more thing.”  I turn my head around, but am still looking at the floor, too upset to look my hurtful mother in the eyes.  She continues, knowing that I am listening, “you need to start thinking about your future.  You are eighteen, after all.  You need to start settling down and make sure you are married by the age of twenty, like I was.  You know that’s the age.  I really think Alexander would be the perfect choice for you.  He will be taking over the business very soon and I hear that he is looking to settle down.  If you would like to talk about it, we can.”  I simply respond by telling her that I am going to be late for school and slowly walking away.
I can’t believe she just told me that I have to marry a man.  Most mothers want their daughters to go to college, get a good education and a stable career, and then settle down and get married.  My mother, on the other hand, would rather me marry a man and do absolutely nothing with my life, rather than be happy with the woman I love and in a career I love. 
I pull out my phone after I am far enough from the house, so my mother can’t open the door and hear me.  I hear a half of a ring before the sweet voice of my Rosalee answers.  The corners of my mouth turn into a slight smile.  That girl can always lift my mood, even if it’s just a tad.
“Good morning, beautiful!  How did you sleep?” she asks.  This is normal routine for us, so she shouldn’t expect that anything is wrong.
“Good morning, Rosalee.  I slept okay.  How did you sleep?”  I’m sure she can tell in my voice that I am close to tears. 
“What’s wrong?”  She confirms what I am thinking.  I am usually very positive and happy, especially when I am talking to her. 
“My mother.”  That’s all I had to say for her to understand.
“She said something again?”
“Yes.  She told me this morning that she is planning another gala for my dad’s office.”
“Well that’s not too bad.  All you have to do is stand around and talk to people, right?  Maybe she’ll make you dance with a few boys, but that’s not worth tears, is it?”
“That’s not just it.  She wants me to start thinking about my future.  She wants me to settle down and she thinks my dad’s boss’s son would be the perfect candidate.”
“Wouldn’t that be a little awkward for your dad and his boss if their kids were together?”  She always has to throw a little joke in to try and cheer me up. 
“Haha, Rosie.  No, she wants me to marry this guy.  She wants me to marry him in enough time to start having kids by the time I’m twenty.  Rose, I can’t do that.  I can’t marry a man in the next year.  I can’t even marry a man at all.  Why can’t she understand that I’m happy?  Why can’t she see that I don’t want to be with a guy?”  I can feel the tears well in my eyes.  At this point, I don’t even try keeping them in.  They flow down my face and I don’t even bother trying to wipe them off.
“Jules, take a deep breath.  We can figure this out.  We can get through this together.  Do you want me to talk to your mother?  You know I will if you want me to.”
“No, Rosie.  That will just make everything worse.  We can just talk about it.  We can figure out what we are going to do.”
“Where are you?  I’m coming to get you.” 
“I’m at the end of the driveway, waiting for you.”  She comes to pick me up every morning, but usually I walk a little further than my driveway so my mom can’t see it.  Today, I can’t walk any further.  I can barely even see the black top that I’m standing on.  My hands are shaking and I should probably sit down because my knees are so weak.
I see the familiar black four door Chevy pickup pull up next to me and I breathe a sigh of relief.  I climb up into the cab and take a moment to collect myself.  I wipe my tears away while Rosalee wraps her loving arms around me.  She leans across me, opens the glove compartment and grabs a Kleenex.  She begins to sing my favorite song by Guns N’ Roses, Don’t Cry.
It brings a little smile to my face, at least.  The welled up tears stopped falling and now were simply sticking to my eyes. 
“Thank you, Rosie.  That actually did cheer me up.”
“Good, I hate seeing you cry, Jules.  It makes me well up every time.”
With that, I see the headlights of my mother’s Lexus roll down the driveway. 
“Uhh, Rose?  You better go.  She’s coming.”  She screeches off, probably leaving a nice black streak on the road.  She takes me down a back road that leads behind my house. 
A few acres of my parent’s land is woods that none of my family have gone into because they simply wanted the land so that nobody would buy it.  There is a meadow in the middle of the woods that leads to a breathtaking pond.  This is actually where Rosalee and I met for the very first time.  When we first moved onto this property, she had no idea that the woods also belonged to the owners of the home.  I went exploring one day and saw in the distance an angelic woman.  She was in a long, white dress that flowed in the wind.  She sat on a mossy fallen tree, reading a book.  Her hair was up in a bun with just a few long strands falling out.  I immediately wanted to introduce myself and it didn’t take much time convincing myself to do it.  I picked the most beautiful wild flower, not knowing that she was allergic to pollen - oops.  I marched over to where she was reading and she didn’t notice me until I was close enough for her to see my shoes underneath her book.  We hit it off immediately and talked until we could watch the sun set through a clearing in the trees. 
I think back to that amazing day every time we go back to our spot.  Rosalee drives up the road leading to the pond.  When we crawl out of the truck, she takes hold of my hand and leads me to her fallen tree. 
“Jules, we need to talk.”  I nod my head, knowing that as soon as we start talking, the tears are going to start falling again.  “You need to make a decision and you need to tell your mother what that decision is.  You know that I love you and I know that you love me, but I will stand by your side, even if just as a friend if you want to make your family happy.  Personally, I think that you need to make the decision for yourself.  I understand that you want to make your mother happy, but I would hate to stand by and watch you be unhappy for the rest of your life and be in a loveless marriage.  I want you to be happy, Julia.  You deserve to be happy.” 
“Rosie, first of all, I am happy.  I have never been happier.  You make me happy and I don’t want to change that.  I can’t lose you and I just want you to know that.  Second of all, as the days go by and my mother makes more and more comments about who I should and shouldn’t be with, it makes me want to make her happy less and less.  But I also feel a certain responsibility for keeping my family together because my parents barely even talk anymore.  Dad’s rarely home because he’s always out with his boss, even though mother doesn’t know that.  And God knows that my sisters and brother are never around to help keep the family together.  I am just so conflicted on what to do.  I want to be happy myself, but I want my family to stay together.”
“Well, babe, you are ultimately the one that gets to make that decision.  You just have to know that I will always be here for you.”
“I know you will be, and that just makes it ten times harder.  It isn’t fair to make you stand by and watch me be with somebody else.  Somebody else who I don’t even love.”
“Before you make your decision, I want to show you something.  I got this for you, even though I know you’re going to yell at me.  I can always take it back if you do change your mind about us.  Please don’t get mad, I just want you to see.”  She pulls out her own puzzle piece box and I instantly knew what it was.
“Rose, don’t even.  I want us to be able to exchange rings when we both have one for the other person.” 
“No, Jules, I want you to have this, even if you decide to give it back.”  She opens the box and stare.  It is the most perfect ring - exactly what I’ve always wanted.  A very simple silver band holds a stunning pear-cut diamond, surrounded by a halo of smaller diamonds. 
“Rose, where did you get the money for this?  How did you get this without me knowing?”
“Shhh.  Julianna Marie, will you at least think about one day making me the happiest person and marrying me?”
“Rosie, that was a horrible way to propose.  But yes, I will think about it.  And I will of course tell you my decision before I tell my mother.”  She slips the ring onto my left ring finger and walks away, towards her truck. 
“Wow, Rosalee, you’re leaving me all alone?” 
No response.
“Rose?”  I hear her sniffling.  Oh no.  “Rosie!”  I run to catch up to her and grab her in my arms. 
“I’m sorry, Jules, I didn’t want you to see me cry.  I don’t want you to make your decision based on me.  That’s why I walked away.”
“Rosie, you don’t need to cry.  You don’t need to censor your feelings for me.  You have a right to tell me how you’re feeling about all of this, too.  I love you and I want you to tell me.”
“Well of course I don’t want you to leave me!  I don’t want you marrying a man and I don’t want you to be stuck with someone who makes you unhappy and who you don’t love!  That’s just unfair to you and I don’t think you should be making your life decisions on you wanting to keep your family together.  That is not your responsibility.  If your parents want to be in a loveless marriage, then let them.  Your dad is never even home because he is with the person he loves.  It is not your responsibility to keep them together.” 
Every word Rosalee just said whirl through my head as I glance between her and my finger.  I take a breath, march toward the truck, and get in.  “Are you coming, Rosalee?”  I call out the driver’s side door.  She runs up to the passenger side door and I start it up. 
“What do you think you’re doing?”  A confused look holds on her face.
“I am going to talk to my mother, no matter how much I am dreading it.”
I drive back down the road, onto the winding country back road, and up to the driveway.  I park directly behind my mother’s stall of the garage, so she can’t make any rash decisions.  As I turn off the truck, Rosalee turns towards me and says, “so does this mean you’re choosing us?”
“Yes, Rosie, I am choosing us.  I am choosing you and everything about you.  I am choosing to marry you.  I am choosing to go to art school with you.  I am choosing to start a future - a real one, one that matters to me, with you.”  Of course, tears well in her eyes.  I give her a quick hug before hopping out of the truck and running to her side.  I open her door for her and she flashes me her signature big smile.  I grab her hand and nervously walk up to the front door.
My mother is watching us with her serveiling hawk eyes through the window by the door.  Before we can reach the last step up to the porch, she opens the door and glares at Rosalee.  “She is not welcome in my home and you are not allowed to hold her hand.”  Her harsh tone and hurtful words make Rosalee drop my hand and her head.  I grab it back up into mine and refuse to let my mother ruin my mood. 
“Mother, I have to tell you about the decision I have made.”  I surprise myself with my calm, yet firm tone.  “I know how you want me to settle down and marry a man, but mother, I can’t do that.  I can’t change who I am and who I love.  I know that you want me to be just like you were when you married Dad, but times are different.  I want to go to art school and make a living for myself.  I want to marry who I love, not just someone who can support me and who can give me all the material things in the world.  Someone that can give me all the material things in the world would not be able to give me the thing that I want most:  love.  You probably won’t be able to accept me, and that’s why I am going to go upstairs right now and pack my things and leave.” 
Silence.  My mother does not say a word.  She can’t even say goodbye to me before she walks back in the door and shuts it.
I turn to Rosalee and tell her, “I’m going to go upstairs and pack all of my things.  You go home and do the same and meet me back here.”
She nods her head and starts walking away.  As I turn the handle for the door she yells back, “I love you, Jules.”
“I love you too, Rosie.  Call me when you’re headed back.”

****************************************************************************************************

I stand for a minute with my hands wrapped around the puzzle piece box, thinking of what kind of ring I want to fill it with for Rosalee.  I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to figure that out on our way to wherever we decide to go.  I look out past the porch at the darkening sky and see the headlights of my girlfriend’s truck pull up.  Here I go on my new adventure in life.  I know my life is now changed forever, and hopefully, for the better.