Greatest Depth

He hadn’t spoken much since he walked into my living room. We just stood there awkwardly. I knew things would be awkward when I invited him over. He said he knew something was off about me; he was my best friend, so he knew things like that, I guess. I just hoped he couldn’t see how sad I really was. He was right that I just wasn’t myself. A gray cloud of sadness and hate had stormed over me. The sadness and hate had come over me so quickly and was so sudden and fast like a wave hitting the shore on the beach, and things hadn’t been the same since that wave.

        Somedays I forgot that I had friends even though Marcus told me pretty much hourly. He always said he’d be there for me, but a strong feeling inside told me that wasn’t true. All I knew is that I was happier around Marcus. He was my sun on a rainy day. According to Marcus’ friend, he was happier around me, too. They said he likes me, but I know that’s not true. He’s never told me he likes me, and I believe if he had something to tell me, then he’d tell me. Why would he like me? There’s nothing special or cool about me.

          He stood here in my house, but I felt  the only reason he was here was because he had nothing better to do. Maybe all his other friends were busy.

           “Hey Willow,” he finally broke the ice and broke my gaze.

           “Oh hey,” I said softly and kept my hands in my old jean pockets.

I gave him a small hand motion, and we walked to the gross brown couch together. I’d always hated the color of the couch.

He couldn’t stop staring at me, and I expected him to say something mean or point out every flaw I have, like the kids at school do, but instead he just asked, “Want to watch a movie?” Then he flashed a big goofy smile.

I nodded and picked up the tiny remote that was wedged between the couch cushions. “Here,” I said quietly and handed him the remote.

I couldn’t help but notice how cute his smile really was. He had just gotten his braces off so his teeth were a lot straighter than mine.

            “I like your hair today,” he smiled at me. He was only being nice. My hair was thin and knotted; why would he like it?

            “Thanks.” I flashed a fake smile. My smile had been fake for months and nobody had noticed.

“Are you alright?” he asked while looking down at my stained brown carpet.

           “I’m fine.”

            “You don’t seem like you’re fine,” he said and looked into my eyes. I looked into his deep brown eyes, too. His eyes were like pools so deep I could drown if I looked too long. Why could these beautiful chocolate eyes see right through me?

             “I’m fine!” I repeated with anger. It was a touchy subject, and I didn’t like to open up to people so why would he try to make me open up?

            “Do you want to talk about it?” There he is again trying so hard just for me to let him in, but I know that if I let him in, he’ll leave like all my other friends. I’d trusted other people with my emotions before, and they left. They left because they found out all they needed to know. I’m sad, okay! Trying to rip my feelings out of me won’t do anything!

           All I wanted was to change the subject. I scanned the room for a fun topic, but all I could find was some old fairytale book that my older brother use to read me when I was younger. “What if we lived there?” I said pointing to the book.

          “We could live in a castle, and be royalty,” he said and sniggered a little. “Who knows? Maybe we’d even meet a gang of pirates.”

          “Everything would be so perfect. Gosh, I wish so badly I could live there.” Living in an enchanted land with princesses, fairies, and unicorns would make everything better! I hated my house. My house was old and nasty. I hated my town, and the people there were mean. Why couldn’t I just live anywhere else?

              Suddenly we are just where I wished we could be, the enchanted land! We are sitting on gold thrones in a wide open room. As crowded as the room could be, it  looked like it could fit more people. Servants walked up to us with colossal plates of food. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy, and it’s not even Thanksgiving!

           I took one look at the floor and was dazzled. My stained carpets had turned to velvety currant red rugs with gold fringe. Below the carpets were beautiful ebony marble floors.

        We were surely just in my living room a moment ago, but that didn’t matter, we were in a castle, now! A castle!

          I looked down to see that my once ripped jeans and purple hoodie had turned to a silky, puffy, rose pink colored ball gown. It had multiple layers.

           Marcus’ normal plain black shirt and sweatpants had become a royal suit! He wore a red vest with a blue sash over it and lots of golden pins! His pants were velvety ,and he had nicely polished shoes. His once uncombed hair was jelled and styled back.

“Care for a dance?” Marus asked.

    “That sounds lovely!”

Before we could even step onto the ballroom floor, a man rushed in. “Time to see your royal subjects!” he yelled happily. The man looked fancy from his polished dress shoes all the way to his handlebar mustache. He led us down a vast hall with scarlet colored walls and old painting of kings and queens.

          Butterflies batted their big wings in my stomach.

        Large wooden doors with golden handles were opened by shiny knights, and a crowd of villagers cheered for us. The villagers were of all ages, heights, and weights, but they had one thing in common, they really cheered for us!

         Marcus flashed me a smile that showed off his straight teeth, but I couldn’t bring myself to smile back. I was in the land of dreams, but that didn’t make the empty feeling inside me go away. I was always empty. I wasn’t the kind of person who smiles anymore.

         I caught a look at myself in one of the knight’s armor, but I didn’t like what I saw. The dress was gorgeous, but I didn’t like the way I looked.

          “How about a boat ride?” I asked Marcus while looking at the sparkling sapphire colored sea only yards away.

           “Heck yeah.” Marcus said cheerfully.

             The wind blew through my brown hair. It was perfect weather for a boat ride, or so we thought.

             After we finished supper, we found ourselves on a huge sailboat looking down at the beautiful clear waters, but the sky had become smoke gray and shadowy. The thick clouds looked as if they were about to burst at any minute, and the wind was so rough it blew a tree branch through our sail.

The sea beneath us began to rage, and water began to fill our boat. The cold waters hit my feet and sent chills up my spine.

“This is all my fault,” I cried as I paced around the sailboat.

             Rain fell harder, and the waves weren’t going to slow.

             “How is this your fault?”

             I wiped my hair away from my face and looked down at our filling boat. Our boat would sink soon. I watched the the waves crash over the side.

             “I suggested we come out here.” I said softly. I was soaked. “Everything is my fault.” I started to cry, but not because of what was happening now. I cried because of everything that had ever happened to me. I cried because of the kids at school, my dad always being at work, my brother never spending any time with me. I cried because  I hated my house, I had no friends, and I continued cry because I just couldn’t stop the tears.

              “Why can’t you just see that I’m here for you?” Marcus yelled from the other side of the boat. “I’m your friend! What my friends all say is true, Willow. I like you. I do. Okay?”

              I looked up from the water to see I was back in my living room. In fact, I had never left my living room. I guess Marcus and I had only let our minds run wild while talking to each other.

          “Did you mean what you said?” I asked and brushed a few tears away from my cheeks.

           He didn’t answer, but his face turned as red as the royal carpets. I guess he didn’t mean what he said.

             “I meant what I said,” he answered quietly, and I could feel my face become hot. I’ve talked about being empty, and I’ve talked about having something missing from my life. Looking at Marcus I knew what had been missing. Marcus was what I was missing. He was always around me, but I was missing him. Now here he was in front of me. I guess I wasn’t just that friend he hung out with when he had nothing better to do; I was more than just a friend.

                “I like you, too.” I could feel a smile on my face, and suddenly I was the type of person who smiled again.