Martha. A dress always covered her slim body. It seemed as though her skin was always about to fall from her frame. Her eyes forever reflected mine, brown, like the her hair, the colour that it used to be. Deep brown. As the years passed by, her eyes began to droop more and more, but they never stopped shining as bright as the sun. Her smile was the same way. She began to look like a dead woman walking, but her smile melted any doubts about her.

She was always such a sweet-heart. Everything had been perfect. Each Saturday morning she made me breakfast in bed; french toast with a side of strawberries, my favourite. She would walk in with the tray, set it down, sit on my lap and kiss me gently. Even at the age of seventy-four, she could kiss like an angel. Her beauty was still radiant in my eyes.

Often times we would spend our days laying in the sunshine having deep conversations. It was Martha who often came up with the thought-provoking questions. Even after fifty years of our marriage, we sometime still never ran out of things to talk about. I remember one time in particular, we were hiking on a trail, through the forest, near our house, when she stopped and asked me a question.

“You ever wonder if there is more to this life?” I didn’t mind that she had pretty much put our walk on hold for a couple of minutes. I loved hearing her voice. It was evident that she had been thinking hard. It was so much like her too. I should have known.

There it was again. A small detail that almost seemed insignificant to me. The thought had never really occurred to me or crossed my mind, so all I said was, “What do you mean?”

I knew that I was not going to get away easily with this one. She always caught me in these traps with these thought-provoking questions. I enjoyed having deep conversations with her, but not about things that were uncertain, like God.

“You know what I mean!” she said it with earnest in her voice. “Seriously, do you ever wonder if there is anything after this life? Like a Heaven or a Hell?”

“I really know don’t.”

“Obviously, no one does.”

I was obliged to say something then. “Hmm.... you know what? I do think there may be something after this life. There must be some purpose to us living. Otherwise, why would our actions have consequences on Earth, but then never affect us again?”

She didn’t have an answer right away. I let her mull over that thought for a while. I knew that she would come up with some answer anyways. I was actually surprised at myself for saying that. I had never really thought about anything like that before this point.

“You really thing so?” Martha asked me.

“Seems reasonable doesn’t it?”

“What if there isn’t anything after this life?” she questioned.

“Well, then know that I will always love you, no matter what. I couldn’t ask for anyone better than you.” I said as I winked at her.

I remember that conversation like it was yesterday. I remember how we used to be able to talk about such in-depth topics. Martha used to point out things that I would never realize.

Martha is the women of my dreams, but she is also the person I despise the most. Her kindness continues to dim as she grows older. Violence has became more evident not only through her actions, but also through her words. Martha’s life and mine has been shattered. She is ill, but I did not recognize then. I loved her and still do. I never want to stop. I slowly began to hate her, but now, she is gone.