If there were two things that I was sure of in this world, they would be that I was in love with Anchal Kapoor and that I hated Alisha Wells. The first time that I had ever met Anchal was in freshman year during the Spring play of Romeo and Juliette. She landed the role of Juliette, and everyone fell in love with her when they first saw her up on that stage. I, on the other hand, realized how I felt through late night study sessions and trips to McDonalds. 

  The first time I met Alisha was after a blowout fight with my dad. It had been over him finding out that I, a 17 year old had snuck into a rated R movie with my friends. I thought he would find the story funny, but apparently it made me a liar, a thief, and I wouldn't amount to anything in the future if I “stayed on this path”. The conclusion of the screaming match had been that I was grounded for the next couple weeks and that anything other than educational activities “would not be tolerated.” 

I was still recovering from the morning yelling at when I came to the cafeteria for breakfast. I slid into my seat at the table. “I can’t go out this weekend. I’m grounded.”

 I hadn't even seen Alisha until she spoke up. “Sounds like a you problem”.

I almost laughed. Here was this girl who I didn’t even know trying to make a joke about me at 8 in the f***ing morning? I felt nervous when I actually really looked at her. She looked like a facetune nightmare, a walking photoshop fail. So perfect that she looked scary.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

Nate, one of my best friends quickly spoke up before Alisha could. 

“Oh! This is Alisha! She’s new, moved in across the street from me how cool is that?”.

He slid an arm over her shoulder, and I knew he was attracted to her. Everyone at the stupid table was, I knew it would only be a matter of days before Anchal would come crying to me about her insecurities. I was not in the mood for this. 

“Yeah. Super cool.”

---

I figured I could survive Alisha’s presence, but with almost identical class schedules that was not an easy task. She reminded me of my own inferiority both in and out of school which hit me harder than expected. I could deal with her getting better grades, being more popular, and getting the attention from teachers. I really could, but Alisha didn't even have the decency to call me by my name. I go by ‘Thao’, short for my last name, Bangthao. She just had to call me Jason, and the only other person in the world who calls me that is my dad. I think she thought it made her quirky or something, but it really just took away every chance of me actually liking her. 

After she had completely infiltrated my friend group she was present for every embarrassing moment and every slip up. She was across from me when I sliced my hand open on a piece of glass, she was next to me when I didn't have enough money to get lunch, she was even there to overhear every phone call from my dad. 

The final straw was when we had all gone to the mall after school. Alisha and I were walking back to the table in the food court, trays in hand when an older white man passed us. He looked at me before placing her hands together and bowing “Konnichiwa.”

Without missing a beat Alisha whipped her head around. “He’s actually from Thailand so I suggest yo-”

I felt my face turn red and my body heat up. Everyone had seen what happened. I wasn’t about to stay and hear whatever Alisha decided to say next. I slammed my tray on the table before walking out. I felt like I was gonna explode if I had stayed in that room a second longer.

I was already halfway down the hallway when I heard Anchal calling my name, running after me. “Thao! Thao wait!”

I turned around and stopped, but I felt like I couldn’t stand still. “Why would she say that?!” I stammered through gritted teeth. I felt my throat burn.

“He’s-”

“No! Not him, Alisha!”

“What?” She took a step closer to me. “She’s your friend she was jus-”

I cut her off again. “No. No, I don't care. I don’t care she shouldn't have said that.”

She looked at me and frowned. “I don't understand…  What do you want?”

You.

“Nothing. I mean… I don't know.” 

Upon returning to the group Alisha was treated like a knight who had rescued me, a damsel in distress from a fire breathing dragon. I ate in silence. 

---

Come Winter time I had been flung into my own personal hell when I was forced to be Alisha's lab partner due to the gifted kids going on a STEM trip for the next week. I wondered what horrible sins I committed in a past life to deserve this.

On the first day of our lab, I read the packet aloud as Alisha watched me, smiling the whole time. I wasn’t too into the idea of dissection, especially because I was working with the living dead. 

 I was already preoccupied with Anchal, and I knew that there was truly nothing I could do. If my dad had any idea of what was going on, he would probably tell me that I was stupid for focusing on Anchal and that she had good reasons to not like me. He would probably say I was obsessed with her. 

My thoughts were interrupted by Nate, who slid onto a stool next to me, his blue braces exposed in his big grin.

“My two favorite people in the whole world! Listen, I’m having a party Friday night and you two are both cordially invited! Keep it on the DL though okay?”

I knew Alisha would steal the show, but I had never had a bad time at one of Nate’s parties and I wasn’t going to let her stop me.

Alisha smiled and winked at me before turning to Nate. “Oh we’ll be there, won’t we Jason?”

I forced a smile, not breaking eye contact. “Of course”.

---

The next day we began the dissection. I was exhausted from a fight with my dad the previous night, and sat alone at my lab table as my classmates rushed around to get all of their materials. I couldn’t even remember the last time him and I had a genuinely good time around one another, and the thought was enough to make me feel sick. I didn’t understand why it was so hard for him to like me.

So when Alisha approached me, dead frog on the plate I felt like throwing up. She looked so sinister with her white lab coat on. She looked like she belonged on the table instead. She told me she had to go to the bathroom, so I had some alone time with the frog. 

Looking down at it, I felt my stomach churn. The frog’s belly was gray and rubbery, and its legs were splayed slightly unnaturally. It smelled faintly fishy, and not so faintly of formaldehyde. I stood up and peered down at it, slowly, my eyes half-closed as I took in every detail. 

I took my bare thumbs and slowly moved them both to the far sides of the frog's belly. A light touch at first, but slowly I pressed down. I felt the cold, raw, and wet body, I felt the slight ridges on the stomach, and as I added more pressure I could feel the organs. They moved as my fingers did, slightly shifting, but hard. 

I wanted to keep pressing down until the skin broke, until I could see inside without having to use the stupid knife, I wanted to-

“Jason?”

I quickly bounced back into position when Alisha's shadow passed over me, I looked down at her and she smiled, extending her tight fist towards me, gripping a scalpel. 

“I think you need this”. 

---

It was the night before Anchal left for the STEM trip, and she asked me to go to Dairy Queen with her because she had something to tell me. As soon as I saw her, I felt myself smile. She looked so beautiful. She had showered before she came, tiny wet ringlets starting to form around her ears. 

She wrapped her arms around me before I could even say anything.

 “Guess what happened today!”

“Tell me.”

She grabbed my hand and pulled me to a table. Marcus asked me out”.

Marcus. A popular basketball player from school.

 I can't even describe the joy that was on her face, her eyes and smile were full of stars.

I felt like I couldn’t even look at her after that. I kept my eyes glued to a straw wrapper that had been left on the table.

“Anchal” I said. “Anchal that's great. That's really really great. How’d he finally do it?”

---

I walked from the Dairy Queen to Nate’s, thinking the whole way. I liked her so much, I was happy for her in a way. In the three years I had known her, I don't think I had ever seen her smile like that. I should have seen it coming.

I had told myself not to cry, but when I looked up at the night sky it felt impossible. I put my head back down and walked until I reached Nates.

I must have looked like shit when I arrived at the party because as soon as he saw me Nate pulled me to the table in the middle of the room. It was a blue ping pong table that was usually a key element of his parties. It was covered with bottles of all shapes, colors, and sizes. 

“Dude this is a lot for just the few of us” I said as he poured an innumerable amount of shots into a red solo cup. He laughed and made a face as if I had said something wrong, then shoved the cup into my face. 

We took our shots together, and I felt two streams of alcohol run down from either side of my lips, connecting at my chin and dribbling off.

We laughed off the burn as I felt my body begin to heat up. Nate slapped me on the back. “There you go man, you're looking better already!” 

I wasn’t even sure how long I had been at the party, seconds turned into minutes which turned into hours. Maybe I had only been there for five minutes, I couldn’t tell. I rotated around from pair to pair, laughing louder and louder. While draped on a couch on top of a couple from school, I felt a hand pull me up by my shirt collar and stumbled around to see Nate.

“C'mon buddy lets go over there” he said as he pulled me away, smiling. “Have the night of your life, man.” I didn’t object as he led me upstairs. We entered a bedroom, Two girls from school were there sitting on either side of Alisha. The two of them smiled as Nate and I entered. 

I got a glance of my reflection in the mirror that hung across from the bed, my skin was tanner and shinier, and my eyes looked darker. My hair was slightly slicked to my head with a light layer of sweat. As soon as I saw myself, I was pulled back into reality by the sound of my name being called. 

“Jason”

I looked back to the room to see that it was completely empty except for Alisha and I. Before I could even open my mouth to ask where everyone had gone Alisha said my name again. “Why do you call me Jason?” I asked. I forced myself to look into her eyes, her huge f***ing eyes that seemed like they could swallow me up. Anchal may have had stars in her eyes, but Alisha’s could hold a galaxy. 

She didn’t answer me, and instead, she wrapped her hand around one of the bedposts. It spiraled up towards the ceiling, and she leaned slightly to the left still smiling up at me. The room felt so cold, and I considered looking back into the mirror but I was afraid of what would happen while I couldn’t see. 

“Jason” she said again. “What do you want to do?”. She was smiling at me so sweetly that I almost forgot how much she scared me. I took a step towards the bed and suddenly felt a wave of calm rush over me.

I looked in the mirror one final time and I hardly recognized  myself. My eyes were dark and my face was clean of expression despite everything that I was feeling. 

My eyes reverted back to Alisha. She looked more alien than she ever had sitting in between those bedposts, smile still plastered on her face. I finally understood what this whole thing was about. 

I leaned down and slowly placed my hand on the side of her face, pulling her in for a kiss. It was the coldest kiss I've ever had, yet I didn’t pull away. Neither of us did. I placed my other hand on her thigh and quickly moved it up to her waist as she pulled me on top of her. She laid down on the bed, her shirt raising slightly to expose her stomach.

I continued to kiss her as I slowly placed my thumbs on either side of her stomach and pressed down. She was so cold.