My Place | Teen Ink

My Place

November 21, 2019
By Anonymous

      It used to be so sunny and alleviating. It was lovely and beautiful and real. I never saw it coming, and when it hit me I felt alive, like nothing else mattered. This place was my whole world. This place was my rock. This place would look me straight in the eyes and tell me how happy it was when I was there. It told me I was beautiful, it told me there was nothing else it could ever want except me. I clung to its words like they were my salvation, holding it close to me and breathing it in like oxygen to my weary lungs. I opened up to it, gave it my whole heart and told it my darkest secrets. I put my full trust in it, letting it feel and fill every crack in my naive, unfledged life. 

       My place probably didn’t look like yours. It was altitudinous, quite lofty. Every bit of it was a beautiful light brown color that was covered with proof of having survived life. Every part of it was full of color and contentedness, yet it was hidden under dark garments and dark circles. The most alluring part of my place was its deep, soulful brown eyes that would gleam in the sunlight and when they looked at me. Only a select few could see past the broken, charming smile, and I prided myself on being able to get close enough to something so wonderful to do so. My place was hidden under soft hugs and huge grins that would make me dizzy with affection. My place would laugh and suddenly everything would seem right in the world. My place held on tight to me and promised it would never leave. I let the safeness of my place cover me like a blanket. Then the blanket was ripped out from under me. 

      I felt my heartbeat in my chest pounding, my heart filled with nothing but my thinned out, weary blood; a product of being sick for a week straight and having to keep up with anti-pain medicines. But there was no medicine that could cure the sinking feeling in my heart, the same one I knew made My Place rise. I walked into the room that used to be my favorite, the one where we were all accepted and encouraged which had turned sickly and restraining within a few months of executive change. I saw My Place a few feet away, and my stomach sank into my shoes. It turned its dark curly head towards me and looked at me with sad eyes. I could see the built up resentment and hurt behind its honey pools. I looked at it tentatively, my heart still pounding in my chest. I could hear each ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum echo in my head. It couldn’t happen this way. I didn’t want it to happen this way. I quickly looked down at my coffee-stained canvas shoes, trying to delay the inevitable. My Place motioned me towards the door, sad eyes still trained on me. They were different from before. Only a few weeks difference. I could see they looked at me in a new light. A bad light. I knew I had made a few mistakes; I knew I had hurt it, and it had hurt me, but this? Did I deserve this? After everything?

        I sat down on the cold desktop and looked around the familiar hallways. The two toned wall that had seen much damage by shoe. All the different memories spread out across it. In that corner there, dancing to “It's Been a Long Long time”. On the desk over there sitting and talking in the coldest of months with blankets and coffee. Down the hall where we all lined up excitedly to hop on the yellow buses which would cart us off to inevitable adventure. I felt that all run together and shrink into the eyes of My Place, like every moment before had led to this one right here. Every laugh, every cheesy grin, every embrace. My place sat before me, and my mind raced back to the beginning, when it had first gazed upon me with those eyes. Those lightening eyes that always started a spark in mine. 

       My Place had had enough of me. There was no going back now. It looked down at its hands, the ones that had always held mine without question. I stared at them too. Those hands that had always been there to support me, to brush my hair back when the world was falling apart. The ones that fit wonderfully in mine, since the beginning of time it seemed. Then, barely being able to catch my breath, I watched them walk away. And with them went all the memories. All the promises. All the late night talks where I had poured out my entire soul and heart. I panicked. Now my world was truly falling apart; and My Place had left me standing in anguish, the cold darkness of its icy words drowning me. So, a description of my favorite place? Gone.


The author's comments:

Breakups are the worst.


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