His name was Alex.

And if I could’ve chosen a soul mate for myself he would have been mine.

I was in middle school and he was in my band homeroom. I played the flute and he played the drums. He had the most beautiful hazel eyes and it didn’t hurt that he was really funny. We started out as friends and only friends. I remember the first time I ever met him. I was in the fourth grade then. But I had no idea what he’d come to mean to me.

****

Fourth Grade

I was in the local church school building. That was where we held the annual Christmas fair. It was kinda like the stages that lead into the birth of Christ. I didn’t want to go that year but my mom had already signed me up. It was for the PRAISE program, so I just had to.

I was dressed up as an angel then and had to sing to the shepherds with other kids. Alex was a tour guide and he led the first group. When I saw him I didn’t get butterflies or nervous. That was because the entire time I was singing he was making funny faces at me and basically, he was being a immature boy.

This went on from nine am to five pm. When it was time to clean up, there was only me to do it. The cotton balls that made up clouds, had moved from the staircase all the way to the other end of the hallway. I remember sighing and beginning to pick up all the loose cotton puffs. When I had them all in my hands, I went to turn around when I heard a loud voice.

‘You forgot one!’ I jumped and dropped all the newly picked up cotton pieces to see him. Alex held up the tiniest cotton ball in his out reached hand. Irate now, I grabbed the cotton ball from his hand, only to stuff it down his collared shirt.

Oh yeah, it was so on.

Halfway through our ‘Angel Cloud’ fight, I looked up to meet his eyes. When they connected, I noticed something had changed.

I had gotten butterflies.

****


I have a lot of great memories of Alex throughout middle school. Like the time he dragged me to the alter when Father Joe needed volunteers.

Or the time his drumsticks got stuck in the ceiling.

Or the time we got yelled at by our band/homeroom teacher because we were messing around.

Or the first time he hugged me and for the first time I wanted him to kiss me instead of our usual hug.

Or the time I realized I was in love with him.

But we had only one bad moment and it mostly applied to me: The day he got a serious girlfriend.

I know that I could have loved him better and deep down I think he knows it too. I see him around with his girlfriend and we both smile at each other. Deep down I know that our chance to be together will come again.


‘Cause deep down, I know he loves me too.