Who in the world could that be? I thought to myself. No one is supposed to be home yet.



I set the book down nervously and peeked out the window to get a good look at the car in the driveway. Unfortunately I couldn’t get a good enough view because some shrubs were blocking my view. Remembering what had happened earlier today I kept reminding myself not to jump to conclusions. So I just listened instead. I heard the car doors slam, so there was more than one person? No one said a word but I heard their footsteps walking on the pavement. As an alternative to walking to the front door, like I’d expected them to, they headed in the direction of Ian’s window.



I tip-toed to Ian’s door, then pressing my ear against it listened as hard as my ears could manage. I’d just made it there as the window to Ian’s bedroom shut. I was surprised it would even be open, Ian was usually more careful about those kinds of things. No more footsteps and still no voices as hard as I was straining my ears? That didn’t seem right. Either these people were some type of phantoms or they definitely were expert cat burglars.



I couldn’t take the agonizing silence any longer. I needed to know who was behind the door, and I needed to know now. I worked up the courage to move my hand to the door knob but froze once again remembering what happened with my dad and the closet. I wasn’t going to do something stupid like that again. I instantly removed my hand and started to pace up and down the hallway deliberating what to do.



CRASH! Something glass had shattered to the ground in Ian’s bedroom. Not thinking I rushed to the door and opened it. Curse my spur of the moment reactions to things. I was so not prepared for what was behind that door.



I froze in the doorway and stared, first at the broken glass lamp that now lay scattered across the floor in a million pieces and then at… Ian? His eyes shared the same shocked expression as mine, but he wasn’t the reason I was so surprised. It was because of the person with him. They both sat on Ian’s bed and her hands were around his neck. Ian had immediately pulled away from Claire Saunders lips to look at me. I couldn’t speak, I know what I wanted to say but the words just couldn’t form in your mouth. I felt my blood turn hot and my emotion begin to stir. First I was angry, who had the nerve to come sneak into their own house when they’re suppose to be working and go make-out with their snobby girlfriend. And on top of that he knew you were there! Second I was crushed, Ian broke my heart. I never wanted to see him again. He could die for all I care! Even though I knew I would never really want something like that to happen to Ian, No matter what I told myself I would always have some place in my heart for Ian. But right now I was furious with him. If I would have had the chance I would have killed him, Right then and there in front of stupid know-it-all Claire Saunders.



Ian still hadn’t said anything either and Claire was looking at me like she would rip all my hair out. I wanted to run, but just like my words my limbs were inactive. The warm tears started to pour down my face, there were plenty of bad things Ian had done to me before but this beat them all. Finally my legs regained their power and I ran out the door.



“Sam wait!” Ian called after me. I kept running, down the hallway, through the living room… just as I was out the front door I felt Ian’s stern grip on my shoulder. I tried to keep going, but with my strength against Ian’s that was impossible.



“Let go of me.” I said. My voice sounded monotone and dark. He spun me around and tried to look me in the eyes but I turned my head away.



“Just listen to me, please.” He begged. I wanted to feel bad for him. After all he had just lost his best friend. But I couldn’t let myself, this was the last straw.



“I said let go of me.” I glared at him the tears still streaming down my face and I saw the agony in his eyes. I almost wanted to smile, I was glad he was hurt, he deserved it.



“You need to just let me expl—“ I had had enough of this, I didn’t want to hear another word from Ian. I felt a surge of energy from deep inside my body and decided to use it. I gripped my hand around Ian’s wrist and tugged it off my shoulder easily. He could not control me anymore, even if I wanted him to. Ian stopped abruptly and I stared at him in defiance.



“No Ian, it’s my turn to tell you something.” He stood quiet waiting. I took a deep breath to prepare myself. “Ian, I don’t care what you do anymore. I don’t care what you say or who you’re with. Because from now on I’m done with you, don’t call my house ever again, don’t knock on my door, or better yet just forget we ever knew each other because that’s what I plan to do.” I looked at him again and his eyes got glassy.



“But Sam…” His voice broke and a single tear slowly dripped down his face and off his chin. He set his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t know what else to do, my fist had already been clenched so I just lifted it and used all the force of the adrenaline I still had left to hurl it towards his face. His hand flew of my shoulder and he stood still staring at me after I’d hit him.



“I hate you.” I whispered. And walked out the door not shutting it behind me, I wanted him to see me walk away. This way he’d know what he’d lost. Secretly I knew I wanted him to come after me, to hold me in his arms and apologize, but at the same time I knew I wouldn’t accept it, at least not yet. He has to show me he means it then maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to forgive him. Ian’s truck was parked in the driveway as normal as ever, a pick up a large stone on the ground and hurled it towards the driver’s side window. I tried to keep myself from flinching when I heard the glass of the window shatter. The car alarm blared wildly and I walked back to my house without once looking back at Ian. But the entire time felt his stare gradually burning a hole in my back.



I slammed my front door behind me and rushed into my room. I collapse onto my bed and cried into the pillows. After a while I lifted my head to look at the time and the picture of Ian and I caught my attention. Angrily, I held of the frame and heaved it towards the wall. I watched as the class broke away from the frame and the corner of the frame bent upwards. Sniffling I got up and walked towards where the picture now sit on the ground. I picked it up and looked at it in my hands. Out of anger a ripped it clean in half and put the two pieces on my desk, one half was me and the other Ian. I contemplated throwing it away but couldn’t do it, it was too hard, I still couldn’t completely let go of Ian. I sat on my bed cross-legged thinking about what I had said, did I really mean all that stuff I said to Ian?

















*
*
*




I woke up on the floor, arms around my knees that were tucked into my chest. All day I thought about if I truly meant the horrible things I said to Ian, I thought about it by myself for the longest time but still couldn’t make up my mind whether or if I told Ian the complete truth about the way I feel, some things I felt I left out and other things I didn’t mean all the way. I ended up asking Nicole for advice, even though she was my younger sister her ideas and advice were usually right, I definitely needed her opinion on the situation.



“Wow,” She said after I had told her the whole story. “I don’t really know what to tell you sis. Sounds like you’re in way over your head.” I had gone into Nicole’s room when I told her the tale and the warm sunshine coming in from her window made the room muggy and the light reflected all the tiny specs of dust floating in the air. I was sitting on her bed while Nicole was organizing her closet by color.



I sighed.



“Yeah, thanks for reminding me.” I said getting up to leave. “Thanks for trying to help me out though, I appreciate it.”



“No problem, that’s what sisters are for.” She said gleefully. I smiled at her; she was such a good sister.



Every day for the next three days all I did was sit around the house and think. I kept wondering why they called this feeling of complete depression and confusion heartbreak. It felt like every other part of my body was broken too.