Now, it was my turn to be as shocked as Bentley was, but I recovered first, “you dirty, no good, rotten, lying eavesdropper! What were you doing in there?!”
“He had to know, Serenity,” he said simply.
I walked over to him, and punched him square in the jaw, “get out. GET OUT!” I screamed.
He rubbed his jaw, “you know I’m right,” he said quietly, “and I do want to help you with the baby.”
“Maybe it’s too late,” I said as he slipped out the door, and I relocked it.
I sat on the bed next to Bentley. We sat in silence for a while, and then I looked back over at him, “if you want to break up, I understand… just please don‘t tell anyone.”
He seemed to shake himself then, “I don’t want to break up. When I said I had fallen for you, I’d meant it and I won’t give that up. But… I just can’t believe that happened. If I had known, that he really was going to, I would have stopped him, Serenity. I wouldn’t have, and I wouldn’t have let him do it either.”
I shrugged, “too late now, honey.”
He sighed, “I am so sorry for everything, Serenity.”
I kissed him, “it’s not your fault.”
“Then why do I feel so bad?” he whispered, pain flooding through his voice.
“Because, I was an innocent, young girl full of life and a bouncy virgin and you can’t stand the fact that now I’m not, and now you can’t be with me because I’m not innocent anymore,” I joked.
He smiled, but it didn’t touch his eyes, “you know some of that is right. When I first saw you, all I could think was that you were the girl I’d always seen in my dreams. So innocent, full of life, like you said. I just… I can’t believe that I could have prevented this. You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” he whispered.
I took his hand in mine, “it was my mistake, darling. I shouldn’t have let him talk me into it.”
“Are you going to get together with him, now? I mean, it would make sense. He says he wants to help.”
“From the way he acted? I’m sorry, but no… and I‘ve… kind of fallen for you, too, Bentley.”
He smiled at me sweetly, “Do you want me to go pummel his face in? It would make me feel better.”
I laughed, and touched his face momentarily, “I would rather you just stay here with me.”
He smiled at me then, and it touched his eyes, “I can do that…” then he checked his watch, “for the next hour anyway.”
I laughed, and kissed him softly on his lips, “thank you for staying with me. You can’t imagine how much better it makes me feel to know that you’re willing to accept me, mistakes and all.”
“I can’t blame you for making one mistake, I’ve made plenty,” he said, and I could hear that part of the conversation closing. I wondered if he’d ever had another girlfriend, if she was pretty, if they’d ever did it, if he ever thought of her.
He kissed me again, and this time I felt intensity behind it, amazed he still wanted me, even though I was… pregnant. He stopped kissing me, and laid down beside me. He sighed deeply, and I rested my head on his sturdy chest, “this will be complicated,” I whispered, “I understand if you don’t want to try,” I said.
He shook his head, and kissed my hair, “of course I want to try, and I know we’ll make it. I’ll be there with you, every step of the way.”
I smiled, “you don’t have to do that.”
“I want to, unless you don’t want me to. And if you don’t want people to know, I could tell them I am the father.”
I shook my head this time, “I’m sorry, but that’s not a good idea. I don’t want people to think of you badly too.”
He smiled, “I’ve never met anyone as brave as you.”
I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist, “I wish I was as brave as you think I am.”
He brushed my hair back from my face, “I know you are, love.”
I shrugged, and breathed in his scent. “Hey, can I ask you a question?” I asked him quietly.
He nodded, “ask me anything.”
“Have you ever done something you regretted instantly?”
He took a deep breath, I held quiet until he responded, “yes, I have.”
“What was it? If you don’t mind me asking,” I tacked on.
He shrugged, “I lost my… innocence,” he smirked at his word choice, “way too early, and I regretted it some then, and now it’s stronger than ever,” he said.
I looked up and stared at him, “why?”
“Because I met you. And I wish now, more than I thought possible, that you could have been my first, and I was yours, also.”
I smiled half-heartedly, “I do, too. Wish that, I mean.”
He smiled at me, “I guess regrets won’t do us any good, though. Might as well live with the future.”
I intertwined my fingers through his and nodded, “you’re absolutely right.”
He looked over the room to where the bathroom was, and then the closet, as if finally taking it in, “this is a great place,” he said nonchalantly.
I smiled, “yeah, it is.”
“Have you ever been here before?” he asked innocently.
I shook my head, “no, never.”
“Oh,” he said.
I sat in silence for a while, and began to drift off to sleep, well, I guess I was asleep, when he gently sat me up, “I have to get back to work,” he said.
I nodded, “oh,” and then followed softly behind him out to the loud party, and back to the bar.
I watched him pour a few more drinks, and watched the kids around us get drunk and play beer pong, and other mindless things. I wondered if half these girls that were acting like s**ts ever had gotten pregnant, or were they smart enough, even when drunk, to use a condom? Or had they ever been as innocent and naïve as I was? I thought not, because I had never seen another girl pregnant, like me.
I was absorbed in my own thoughts when I felt a tap on my shoulder, “would you care to dance?” a guy shouted. It was Dean, a nerd from my school, but I felt the need to say yes. He was such a sweetheart, even if he was captain of the chess club, it’s not like I could lower my standards anymore.
“I would love to, Dean,” I said to him. Bentley looked over, noted the boy standing next to me, with the oil slick hair, pimples, and lanky appearance, and smiled at me brilliantly, I waggled my eyebrows while Dean wasn’t looking, just to mess with Bentley. He frowned at me and I laughed as Dean led me to the dance floor.
It was a faster song, but he kept close to me as we danced, he acted almost nervous. “So, Dean, why are you here?” I asked him.
He smiled, “I just thought it would be fun to go out, but I don’t really know anyone here,” he admitted.
I smiled at him, “well, now you know me,” I said simply.
He grinned joyfully, and I was glad I could do something right and make someone happy, that was so easy. Now, controlling my own life? Not so much. We continued to dance for a while, and it felt good to exercise some. At the end of the dance, he smiled at me and thanked me, “hey, are you seeing anyone?” he asked shyly. And I knew it had taken him a lot of nerve to ask, and unlike some people I completely understood what he was going through.
“I’m really, really sorry, but I am kind of seeing someone right now,” I said, as we approached the bar and I sat down, “but if anything happens, you’ll be the first to know, okay, sweetheart?”
He grinned at me, and shook my hand, I noticed his were slimy with sweat, but I didn’t mind, I knew how nervous it was to be the outsider, “thank you so much, Serenity,” he handed me a piece of paper, “here’s my number, if he ever hurts you, call me, I’ll come beat him up for you.”
I laughed good-naturedly, “I will, honey,” and watched him leave, pushing through the crowd. I turned around in my seat and saw Bentley staring at me, assessing. “You two certainly had a good time,” he commented.
I smiled, “yeah, Dean’s a great kid. Real smart, too,” I tacked on.
“Hey, I’m pretty smart, too, I’m in AP classes.”
I laughed, “now, you see, Dean’s even smarter than that, he’s captain of the chess club.”
He frowned, “so you like a guy with smarts, huh?”
I took his hand and squeezed it, “I’m just joking, sweetheart.”
He smiled, “good, I was about to go find some nerd glasses, and learn how to play chess.”
I laughed at him, “you’re entirely too good of a liar.”
“Oh, no, I’m serious. Maybe not the glasses, but definitely the chess.”
I smiled, “you’re too cute.”
“So what did you two talk about?” he asked, trying to sound casual, but I could catch a hint of underlying nervousness and jealousy.
“Um, oh, about meeting him later so we can have naughty fun, and I’m bringing a whip!” I said enthusiastically.
He frowned at me, and I continued, “I was just joking, jeesh.”
He shrugged, and grabbed a rag, wiping off the countertop. “We talked about why he was here, and he asked me would I go out with him. I kindly rejected, telling him I was already seeing someone else.”
“Really?” he asked eagerly, looking up at me now.
I smiled, “yes, really.”
He finished wiping the countertop and checked the time, “I can’t believe it’s already eleven-fifteen,” he said, “people should be leaving around midnight, at least that’s what Melanie said.”
“Melanie was over here?” I asked.
He shrugged, “we were arranging a meeting for naughty fun later, she’s bringing the whip!”
My heart thudded in my chest uncomfortably, “okay, I can see why you were upset about that.”
“I wasn’t playing,” he said seriously, then broke into a smile, “okay, yes I was.”
I swallowed past the lump that had formed in my throat, “ha,” I managed to say.
He stared at me, and then poured some drinks to some girls at the other side of the bar, “so, you ready to go home yet? It is getting kind of late, you can leave without me, if you want,” he said worriedly, darting his eyes to my stomach and back at me.
“Do not start acting all weird around me, Bentley, it was like nature to be around you before, and now that you know you’re going to go all blah.”
He shook his head, “no, it’s just, aren’t you a little worried about health issues? Is this okay, I mean? To be out late?”
“Honey, it’s not even a… fetus,” I whispered, “yet.”
He nodded, “okay, you’re right.”
I got up and stretched, “I’m going to go take a stroll, I’ll be back before midnight,” I said.
“Keep close, okay?”
I nodded, “I can do that.”
I walked off the cement part of Melanie’s yard, onto the grass, and strolled out, until I could barely hear the music, but was still close enough to see the action at the party, and sat down delicately on the grass. I started to talk to my baby, “I don’t know what gender you are,” I said, beginning quietly, “I don’t know what type of person you’ll be. I hope you’re good, and I hope you take after me, but with better decision-making skills. I hope you are beautiful, every ounce of what your father is in looks, just not in mind. I hope you have a wonderful life, even if I’m not in it. I hope that every dream you have comes true, because even though I’ve only known you for a month and a half, and you’re not real yet, I know that you’re there, even if I can’t feel you. And I know that you will be a great person, no matter what you do in your life. I love you already,” I said all of this in a rush, and only realized when I was finished how true those words were. I hadn’t known Joel and his best friend Ryan were listening.
I laid back on the grass, and was startled when I was their faces leaning over me, “holy crap,” Ryan said, “you were telling the truth. The sweetest girl in school, you knocked her up.”
My jaw dropped, and Joel stared at him, “it wasn’t like I planned on it.”
Ryan punched him, suddenly, I gasped and scrambled to my feet, “look at her! She’s… how old are you, honey?”
“F-fi-fifteen,” I stammered.
“She’s fifteen years old! You ruined her life!”
“You think I don’t realize that, Ryan? Besides, I thought you were my friend!”
“I am, but I don’t like what you’ve done.” He looked at me, “how are you, Serenity?”
I darted my eyes over to Joel, and back at him, “I’m f-fine. What are you guys doing out here?” I said.
He smiled, “well, Joel was telling me actually, when we heard you talking, sorry, we didn’t mean to intrude. So I guess abortion is out, huh?”
I looked at the ground, “yeah.”
He smiled, and tilted my chin up, “hey, it’ll be okay. Joel’s going to support it, right, Joel?” he threw a meaningful look at Joel.
Joel nodded, but I shook my head, “I don’t want his help. I-I can do this on my own. I don’t want to ruin his life, too.” I said, sounding small.
Ryan looked at me for a moment, and then to Joel, Joel spoke first, “what do you mean, ruin my life?”
“You’re on your way to getting a football scholarship, you have a beautiful supermodel girlfriend, I don’t want to ruin that for you. A baby will ruin that.”
“It doesn’t matter, the baby matters,” he said.
I shook my head, “I will not discuss this, and certainly not my baby’s future with you.”
He sighed in frustration, “I told you! I told you she was too stubborn.”
“Why won’t you talk to him about it sweetie?” Ryan said.
Tears built up in my eyes, “because of what he said to me before. He said then and there he didn’t want to be a part of it, and so he’s not. Done.”
Ryan looked at both of us, his black hair falling over his blue eyes, “you two are certainly in a mess.”
“I’m in a mess,” I corrected, “and I’m leaving to find my boyfriend.”
I started to walk away, I just wish I had known Dean had been behind the bushes throwing up before we all had that conversation. And just how bad he wanted to fit in.