Dear Mr. Walt Disney,
Your version of Cinderella gives false expectations to all those hopeless romantics out there.
For the record, there’s no such thing as prince charmings, happy endings or true love. So thank you for ingraining that unrealistic information in the minds of our youth.

That’s all I got so far. I tried sounding as sophisticated as possible, but you wanna know something? It doesn’t even matter. Cause he’s dead and no one cares what I have to say anyways.

May 15, 2010, Detention
# of hearts I drew on my arm: 12
# of times Mrs. Alsho has left the room: 5
# of minutes left until I get to leave this hellhole: 45

“Mr. Mathers! Now you sit in that chair and don’t move!” Mr. Lotlucky screeched after he stomped into the room and forcefully shoved a boy he was holding by the t-shirt into the seat next to mine. “Ow watch it!” The boy shot back. Mr. Lotlucky gave him the nastiest look I’ve ever seen him give anyone before he moved his stubby, oompa-loompa body out the door. I closed my journal.

Me: “Mr. Mathers? Like Eminem?”
Boy: “Yeah I’m his brother.”
Me: “Seriously?!”
Boy: “No. Are you stupid?”

Right before I could cuss him out because he was being such a jerk, Mrs. Alsho walked back into the room. “Silence!” She yelled as she sat at her desk. And then we were all silent, because Mrs. Alsho isn’t afraid to whip out her ruler and slap you across the face, which I’m pretty sure is illegal.

Mrs. Alsho: “You. Who are you?”

She pointed to the jerk sitting next to me.

Boy: “Joey.”
Mrs. Alsho (annoyed): “What are you doing in here?”
Joey (sarcastically): “I honestly don’t know.”
Mrs. Alsho: “Who sent you?!”
Joey: “Mr. Lotlucky.”

Mrs. Alsho took a minute, but she managed to get her fat butt off her chair and tread heavily outta the room.

Joey: “You gonna ask me out or what?”
Me (shocked): “EXCUSE ME.”
Joey: “If you’re not then stop eye raping me.”
Me: “I would never go out with a jerk like you, especially one I don’t know. And it’s not called eye raping, it’s called me being amazed at how ugly you are.”

Lie. He was actually extremely hot. But I couldn’t let him know that.

Joey (smiling): “You’re lying.”
Me: “Don’t talk to me.”
Joey: “Why are you in here anyways?”
Me: “You first.”
Joey: “No. You first.”
Me: “No.”
Joey: “Fine.”
Me: “Fine.”

We didn’t talk anymore after that. Partly because Mrs. Alsho walked back into the room that very second and partly because I had nothing left to say to him.

Dear Mr. Walt Disney,
Guys are a-holes. They aren’t gonna sweep you off your feet or by any means make you feel like a beautiful princess, even if you happen to be one. Why didn’t you ever put that in your movies?!

May 21, 2010, Skate park
I’m driving myself freakin insane. I haven’t stopped thinking about that annoying jerk, and I can’t understand why. I hate him, there’s no doubt about that, but I still find myself wanting to randomly run into him and him noticing me. There’s something wrong here.

“Kelly! You’re not looking!” Alicia shouted at me from across the skate park. “Yes I am!” I yelled back as I put my journal down. “Watch this!” She grinned as she rode her skateboard down the ramp. I was gonna watch her, I really was. But then I saw him, holding his board all cocky and everything, wearing his hat backwards, and did I forget to mention shirtless? He was like a buff God; I almost swallowed my tongue.

He had a group of about five girls surrounding him, and you could tell he loved every minute of it. C*** he’s walking this way. Well, I am sitting by the entrance. Not such a good idea on my part.

Joey: “Ladies, please, I don’t have enough---.”

Right when he stopped talking I knew he noticed me, I didn’t even have to look. Suddenly, I don’t like the attention anymore.

Joey: “You shouldn’t just sit there, someone might run you over.”
Me (looking up): “Why would you care?”
Joey (hesitating): “I wouldn’t.
Me: “Go away.”
I saw Alicia outta the corner of my eye. She had her mouth hanging wide open, in shock.

Joey (taking a seat next to me): “No.”
Me: “What, why?”
Joey: “You look hot when you’re pissed.”

(This is the part where Joey’s posse of girls leaves to go bug some other guys because now he’s only paying attention to me. Which is making my heart beat abnormally fast.)

Me (voice is now officially shaking): “Look, I’m PMSing and sweating like a---.
Joey: “Admit it, you love me.”
Me: “I don’t even know you. And I’m pretty sure if I did I would still hate you.”
Joey: “Pshh, you’re on crack. (pausing) Hey you want some gum?”
Me (rolling my eyes): “Sure.”

He gave me some gum alright. And by that I mean all of a sudden, outta nowhere, he pressed his soft lips against my not-as-soft lips and slid the gum he was already chewing from his mouth into mine. I woulda backed away immediately and slapped him across the face, but I loved the feeling too much. It was wild and spontaneous, like him, and I didn’t want it to end. Right as he was about to pull away, I reached for his hat and threw it to the ground, placing my hand on the back of his head while running my fingers through his silky hair, pulling him even closer to me. I could feel him smiling as we kissed, and before I knew it his muscular arms were wrapped around me. I barely knew him, what the h*** was I doing?! As much as it killed me, I finally came to my senses.

Me (breathlessly): “I gotta go.”
Joey (grabbing my arm): “No, wait…”

I tore away from his grasp and didn’t even wait for Alicia as I ran down the block. I feel used and cheap.

Dear Mr. Walt Disney,
Why did you have to make the prince so handsome? That’s all girls ever go for now, cute guys, cause they’re all shallow. That’s what I got sidetracked by, this one guy’s hot body and shiny hair. He’s mean, rude, and obnoxious, and no one should ever be attracted to that. When we’re all are shriveled up vegetables one day looks won’t matter. Just saying.

May 23, 2010, Park After The Concert
I can’t believe this I mean Joey’s

Joey (walking up to me): “What’d you think?”
Me (putting my journal on the bench): “I thought you guys were amazing. I didn’t know you played bass.”
Joey (smiling): “Yeah, I’m hoping to be a big shot musician one day…And thanks.”
Me: “Good luck.”
Joey: “What do you want to be?”

This kinda shocked me. Cause he was actually asking about me and my life, and he wasn’t being sarcastic for once. This was a first.

Me: “Uhhh, well. I really want to be a film director, but it doesn’t have a lot of security.”
Joey: “I bet your mom tells you that.”
Me: “How do you know?”
Joey: “Cause my mom tells me the same thing. About being a rock star.”
Me (keeping quiet)...
Joey: “Ya know, screw it. Screw it, screw them, screw it all. Don’t let anyone get in the way of your dreams; I’m sure as hell not. I’m never giving up. Hey do you wanna soda er something?”
Me (raising my eyebrow): “Nah, I’m good. Almost.”

I leaned into kiss him, cause turns out he’s not as jerky as he seems to be. I’m learning that there’s more to him than the girls that follow him around, or the pot he might supposedly be smoking. And whatever it is...I like it.

*************************
Dear Mr. Walt Disney,
I was wrong. So wrong. I’m in love with the most amazing guy, and I’m in love with the idea of being in love. He’s perfect for me in everyway. Sorry for doubting you.

January 2, 2011, Family Room
Some of what I remember from the worst conversation I’ve ever had:
Me (yelling): “You can’t just pick up and leave me! I gave you everything! My lucky necklace, my heart, my virgi---!”
Joey: “Kelly. This is like a once in a lifetime kinda thing! It’s not like I don’t love you. If my band goes and tours the world, so do I.”
Me (water works start): “No no no. I can’t believe this. I can’t lose you.”
Joey: “I’ll come back.”
Me: “No you won’t.”
Joey: “Yeah I will, I promise.”
Me: “Don’t touch me! Get away from me!”
Joey: “Look, I know you’re mad. But I gotta do this.”
Me (sobbing): “Graffiti.”
Joey: “Huh?”
Me: “That’s why I got detention, the first time we met. Cause I graffitied the girl’s bathroom.”
Joey (phone’s ringing): “I don’t even remember what I did. I gotta go. I’ll come back for you. I love you.”

I should have known right then and there, when he said he didn’t even remember. But I realized it later the hard way. Oh, and he wasn’t coming back.

Dear Mr. Walt Disney,
The last letter I sent you...It was just one big, fat LIE; I’m embarrassed I even wrote that. It was all just a lie. It’s been a month. He hasn’t called, or emailed, or anything. He has a new life, with new friends and I’m guessing a new chick. He's not gonna waste his time thinking about the little people like myself. So I’m glad for doubting you, cause I was right. Cinderella’s fiction because nothing like that could ever happen in real life.

February 3, 2011, Doctor’s Office
I’m bored. I hate this place. And I miss

Dr. Orfuss: “Kelly Donowitz?”
Me (standing up): “Yeah that’s me.”
Dr. Orfuss: “This is a bit of a surprise but when we were testing your urine…”
Me (nervous): “What’s wrong?”
Dr. Orfuss: “Ms. Donowitz, you’re pregnant.”