If you are reading this note, it’s too late…

My name is Nykki. I am a musician. I play drums in a band called Designer Skyline. I am 19 years old and I live in Seattle. I’m pretty different than all of you, but that’s not my point. My parents never loved me. My mother left me in the nursery at the hospital after she had me. I’ve never seen her. My father was never around to begin with. I’m the product of a one night stand with 2 drunken college students. I’ve been in an orphanage since I was born and I’ve never had any friends. The only family I had was my band mates. They’re my brothers. I’ve been living in the tour van with them for 3 months. But here’s the twisted part, I was the only person who survived the crash. My only family was killed right in front of me. I was the one driving. Why didn’t I die first? I was drunk and I was driving too fast. You know what I think? I think God is punishing me. That’s why I’m alive right now. Well ya know what?! I wish I was never born!! Without my brothers, I’m not even a person. I’m a waste of skin and blood. Give my life to someone to who needs it. I’m done…

The chair dropped and my body swung from left to right from the rope. My neck made a loud snap when it broke, the noise rang through the empty living room. The rain was hitting the tin roof loudly; the rain kept falling, falling, falling.

Six days later the flood rescue team found my body. When they buried my body, no one came to my funeral. I died as pathetically as I lived. Now I lay rotting in the ground alone for all eternity. I did not go to Heaven and I did not go to Hell. I just lay there in my casket in the black abyss, the smell of rotting flesh and soil around me. The wetness soaked through my cheap casket and let the wood decay. My flesh was a sickly moist green and my nails were cracked and black. My hair was stiff and turning gray. I was alone my whole life, and now I’m alone when I’m dead. At least everything at this cemetery was alone. It wasn’t just me for once, but occasionally loved ones of the rotting corpses around me would lay flowers on their graves. Everyone always had flowers… except me. I had a cheap casket and a cheap grave stone and I was buried in a cheap suit that wasn’t even mine. The funeral home put it on me. I felt like I was some kind of prop for a bad Halloween night prank. My entire life had been a sick joke.

For weeks I would just lay there, not breathing, not seeing, not feeling anything. I would lay there. I felt like I was being punished. Maybe God was punishing me for committing suicide. It’s not my fault, its God’s fault for making me this way.

As I lay there alone one day, I could feel footsteps above me... It was a beautiful girl named Aurora. I know this because she knelt at my site in her beautiful black dress and veil and touched my gravestone with her beautiful ivory colored fingers and her perfect ebony painted fingernails. She laid blood red roses on my grave and confessed to me how she was also alone and that she noticed I never had flowers on my grave. I wish I could talk to her but all I could do was listen to her beautiful voice. The way each word would fall from her candy apple red lips made my skin tremble. She talked about how she wishes she could have met me before I had died to see what I was like. She saw a picture of me in the obituaries section of the newspaper. She said I was beautiful and how I reminded her of her childhood best friend. She sat on my grave and talked for hours. She kept touching my gravestone so sensually and gently.

She visited me everyday for a year, each day I would learn something new about her. I fell in love with this woman.

One day, she lay down on my gravesite and kissed my gravestone whispering softly “I love you Nykki… and soon we’ll be together… I promise.” She lay with me for a few hours and as I lay there, I swear I could feel her warm skin on my body. I loved her so much. This was the first time I had ever felt love.

When she left, I felt so alone again. My heart ached for her.

A few hours later she was back, it was raining so heavily and I could hear the rain dripping from the dirt onto my casket, wearing a black mourning dress, her black veil and black stilettos that stabbed into the ground ever so slightly as she walked. But as she walked, I heard a clanging with every footstep. I wondered what was making that noise, it was a shovel.

She stood over me, her hair soaking wet, her make up smeared down her cheek. She said in a stern demanding voice “we’re going to be together Nykki”. She took a deep breath and shoved the old shovel down into the dirt and began to dig out my grave. She dug for hours, the rain turning the dirt into mud. She finally got to where my casket opened. She opened the casket and saw my vile corpse. She smiled so wide and angelic as she saw me. She leaned over my casket and kissed my lips so sensually and passionately, like I was the only man in the world for her. She climbed in my casket very slowly and cuddled with me, running her fingers through my hair. I thought this girl was crazy; she must be crazy if she loved me. I was dead, I was ugly, and I was hardly a body anymore. My ribs were fully exposed on the left side and my skin was in shreds. Maggots were eating at my brain and what was left of my intestines. But she loved me nonetheless.

The rain kept falling; it washed the mud back into my grave, making it impossible for her to escape. But she didn’t try to escape… She held me tight and shut the casket lid, letting the dirt entrap us forever... She was buried alive. And with her final breath she whispered, “I love you with all my heart.” And she died in the casket next to me.

Our bodies lay entwined together for the rest of time, but our souls are together in Heaven. I went to Heaven with her when she died; my soul was waiting for her. I was finally with the woman I loved… my beautiful Aurora.