They always say life is how you make it, and that’s true for a lot of people. Except me of course, the girl who has grown up to be what everyone told her she was from the start. The freak show, accident, loner, emo, and over all someone nobody got along with. Maybe it’s because I never defend myself. I always say things like; yeah, sure, or lets go with that. I’m used to solitude; it’s where I feel most comfortable. I don’t live up to expectations and I love that about myself. At school you’re supposed to behave and act properly, I rather hide in a bathroom stall with a Hershey’s bar and a coke bottle while watching America’s funniest home videos on my iPod. The good life I call it, even getting caught isn’t so bad. It’s actually pretty entertaining, the principle yells at me giving me the same lectures over and over, as I try so hard not crack a smile and burst out laughing. When will she learn that I just don’t care? Then I go home and pass out on my bed for three hours.
Most mothers would have confronted their daughter about such actions already. Sadly Brenda is not like most mothers. She works at a strip club, bringing random guys home. Our apartment smells like a bar with the way the stench of beer and smoke fills the air and how loud the music is played. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all the same; stale chips, expired canned soups, flat soda, ten year old Halloween candy, or go out. I choose the last one most often. I don’t have a curfew, I stay out as long as I want. Not exactly the Brady Bunch are we?
Out of all the billions of names she chose Quinn for me? Nice, my life was already weird enough and now she had to add to it. I hated my name, that’s why now I just go by Q. As for my appearance well that’s where my image began. I have violet eyes, not very common. So as we all know in kindergarten different things are considered strange. The class would yell and call me purple eyes. They would say sorry only people with normal eye colors can play.
However I didn’t care, I was never interested in finger painting; instead I would choose to read. Something no one else learned to do until years later, we had a really old librarian who I talked to every recess and lunch period. I had nowhere else to go, nobody wanted me around. Her name was Peggy and she was the closest I ever had to a grandmother. She handed me a book and for months taught me how to use it. I became fascinated and no longer complained to her about being bored. She would bring in little cucumber sandwiches and cookies from home, then heat up tea in the microwave she had stored in the back. She died the year I left elementary school at age 92. It was cool though I had her from kindergarten to 6th grade.
Death has never been an issue with me. It happened too often to leave much of an effect. Like my dad Steven for example, Brenda found out she was pregnant with me a month after he died. That’s when things went bad. Brenda didn’t have a job, she was the one who stayed home and took care of everything. We had a huge house with lots of windows; it was beautiful I was once told. There wasn’t one night where dinner wasn’t deliciously made on the table, but after he passed well that all went away. We didn’t have enough money. Brenda didn’t go to college or get her G.E.D. for that matter, so it wasn’t easy to find a decent carrier. It was hard enough with just her and Riley my older brother, but when she found out she had another kid on the way she got angry and guess who she took it out on?
I checked the time on my cell phone and realized the bus was going to be there in ten minutes so I placed my half eaten bowl of Cheerios in the sink and just when I’m about to step out the door and leave I hear Brenda calling me, “Quinn! Are you still here?”
“Yeah be there in second.” I responded throwing my backpack on the counter and making my way though our dumpster for a home. There are clothes everywhere, some dirty some not. At our house it’s the wear it until you can’t bear it anymore policy. Wasting quarters on the washing machine down in the lobby was not a plan in her book. So I use my own money from my awesome job at Macys. Yeah you wouldn’t expect an emo girl to work there would you? Sometimes I’m nice and take a load of hers too, but there have also been times where I bleached some of her favorite tops as well.

I stepped into Brenda’s room and saw her laying on her bed in what looked to be a sparkly blue bathing suit but obviously wasn’t. She really did make the perfect drag queen; breast implants to keep her looking young, platinum blond hair put up in big fat curlers, fake fluttering eye lashes, Botox covering her middle aged wrinkles, bee stung lips painted Ronald McDonald red, and was busy plucking pieces of popcorn in her mouth with a French manicure as she watched her daily soap operas.
“Can you get anymore ridiculous?” I asked.
“Can you?” She remarked eyeing my attire as well.

She did make a point; we both were trying too hard, but for totally opposite reasons. Brenda wanted men’s attention to talk to her, me I wanted the attention so people would be afraid of me and leave me the h*ll alone. My hair was pitch black, cropped short to my shoulders, and pointing out like razor blades in every direction since I had cut it myself. I wore the usual gothic fashion; a fiery red leather mini skirt, matching skull halter top, fish nets, knee high black convers, thick eye make-up, sharp black nails, spiked stud chocker, and a nose piercing.

“Touché’, well what is that you needed before I go?”

“Get me the T.V. Remote.”

“It’s on the floor why don’t you just get it?”

“My nails are wet.”

“You’re eating popcorn with them.”

“Wow you are really stubborn aren’t you, ha you’re getting more and more like me every day.”

“Never ever say that again.”

“Shut-up and get me the remote.”

“Fine lazy, here!” placing it at the end of the bed where she would have to reach.
“Ugh!” Brenda remarked rolling her eyes. “Thanks Quinn you’re so helpful to your dear mother.” She said sarcastically.
I stormed out of her room immediately not wanting to help with anymore of her pity favors. Now because of Brenda’s hopelessness I was late for the bus and had to run while people that were already boarded laughed at me like I was a fool. Once I sat down three seats from the back my pocket began to vibrate. I reached into it and noticed a new text from Riley who I have been ignoring at all costs for almost a month. Maybe if I tell him to stop he will. I opened up the message and read it un-surprisingly it wasn’t any different then yesterdays.



Riley 7:32
Hey sis watcha been up 2?
Quinn 7:33
Nm


Riley 7:34


Hows school?


Quinn 7:34
Fine


Riley 7:35


Can u give me more than 1 word answers?


Quinn 7:35


What do u want!


Riley 7:35


For us to tlk.


Quinn 7:36


Look I dnt wanna tlk ok I g2g!
Riley 7:37
No u dnt come on I know ur mad but Ill be visiting soon and in 2 years u can come live with me.
Quinn 7:40
If u rlly cared about how I feel then u would’ve let me come with u when u left, but no u had to run off with ur gf 2 some far away college and leave me to get treated like a slave by Brenda and picked on in school. So no I dnt wanna tlk to u!
Riley 7:41
Quinn plz forgive me. I jst wanted u to finish highschool. Starting at a whole new school is hard! U wouldve had to leave all ur friends behind 2.
Quinn 7:41
Oh yea like I have sooo many anywase! U were always my bff but now Im all alone.
Riley 7:42
I’m jst trying 2 look out for u it’s my job as ur big bro.
Quinn 7:43
Well ur doing it badly! Now I’m @ school and I srsly g2g bye.
Riley 7:45
…well tlk about this ltr thn. Hav a good day @ school bye I love you.


Once I stepped off the bus I felt like I was about to burst out crying but then the bell rang and I knew it would be ironic for a girl like me to be shedding tears in class, especially since I’m the one usually laughing at the people who do. Of course as soon as I sat down Natalie had to start on her everyday rampage whispering about me. She’s the head cheerleader and believes she rules the school, I think we all have met this person before. It’s a shame they just can’t all die together so nobody has to put up with them anymore. She wears the extremely short shorts, see threw tanks, a pound of cover up, and today her hair was gold. Then all of sudden Mr. Smealit announced to the class that we had a new student and then in a blink of an eye one walked in the door. He’s a basketball jock I thought to myself, noticing his Lakers sweatshirt thrown over his shoulder, black gym shorts, Michael Jordan sneakers, and a plain sleeveless T-shirt showing off his biceps. He had the long Justin Bieber hair bur brown and big sparkly blue eyes, not my type at all. However Natalie couldn’t help but bulge her eyes checking him out over and over again. She must be happy speaking of how she’s already dated everyone else. Our class was small and had plenty of extra desks, even one behind Natalie. He was given the option to sit wherever he liked, but then he walked up to my desk and sat down next to me. Everyone was surprised and Natalie’s mouth went wide considering she probably had it set in her mind that he would have wanted to be by her. Once we were given directions for our lab Natalie practically ran over to him.
“Hey!” She said in a flirty tone plopping on the floor beside him.
“Hello.” He said calmly with a smirk on his face.
“So your name is Justin?”



“Well that’s what is says on my birth certificate, so yeah I think so.”



“You know there’s any empty seat behind me, and I think it would be a lot more fun over there than by this freak show.” She laughed pointing at me.



“Nah I’ll pass I get along great with freaks since I am one.”
“Gee thanks for calling me a freak!” I remarked not liking the feeling of people talking about me as if I wasn’t there.



“Quiet barf face you know you are, and trust me she’s a terror. Come on I swear you won’t regret it.”



“Natalie how desperate are you?”



“That all depends since I’m ten times less then you.”



“That doesn’t make any sense.”


“I’m just stating that it’s kinda strange that you have even made it this far.”
“Once again insults don’t work if the person you’re insulting has no clue what you mean by them.”
“She’s gotta a point, even I don’t know what you’re talking about and I’m like the comeback king.”
“Okay let me brake down, even though you should already know this Quinn since its kinda your life but Justin doesn’t so it’s okay. You’re ugly as they come but that’s obvious, your mother treats you like a servant, you have a terrible job that pays you below minimum wage, you live in a shack, your still riding the bus, you dad is dead, your grades suck, and the only person that cared about you being your brother decided to move across the country with his girlfriend probably because they were sick of you too. Overall knowing that your emo I had expected you to commit suicide by now.” That stung hard. I didn’t know what to say. So many emotions were running threw me at the same moment that it was difficult to even breathe. It was all true but hearing it being displayed out there together at the same instant killed me inside. Just thinking about them each separately always brought pain. I didn’t have to say a word for Natalie to know she had won; my expression gave it all away. The only thing that I could do to get a little bit of revenge was to scare her, if I was even up for it.
“Your right Natalie that is pretty odd isn’t it? We’ll maybe I’ll try next week just to pleas you. Oh and don’t forget I’ll make sure to leave a note telling who gave me the wonderful idea for the cops to find. Have fun in prison brat.”



Then the bell rang and I was off to second period, thankfully which was study hall where I could blast my headphones and complete late work in peace. Then third period came around and after about two seconds of it I was called up to the office. I don’t know what for; I hadn’t ditched or cussed any teachers out all week. I was told to go the counselor’s office where I spent most of third period anywase (the class I always had late work for).



“So Quinn do you know why you’re here today?”



“Nope not at all, do you?”



“Not really, I just heard a rumor in the hall and wanted to discuss it is all”



“So I’m not in trouble?”



“If you don’t even know what you did why would you be in trouble?” She laughed. “Now about this morning, students are talking about your little quarrel with Natalie?”



“We fight all the time, it’s nothing new.”



“I know and I wasn’t going to call you up unless you requested but I heard something you said that shocked me and well I wanted to know what would cause you think that way, or if it was maybe all a lie.”



“Did you hear it from Natalie?’



“You know that information is classified, but no it was not her.”



“Oh well if it had been she lies about everything.”



“I heard that next week you may try to commit suicide, and that you would leave a note saying it was all Natalie’s fault for the police to find so that you could get pay back for her miss treating you.”



“Oh my goodness, that is not what I said! I was also joking; jeez she is such a frickin tongue twister.”



“I already said it wasn’t her, it wasn’t even her gender for that matter. Also you’re saying you were joking? Why would you joke about something so not humorous?”



“It wasn’t really a joke; I was just trying to scare her because she upset me. I wasn’t serious I just couldn’t think of anything mean to say back because her life is so perfect.”



“So she insulted your life.”



“She combined everything bad thing in my life into a description of me and told this stranger to get him to come sit by her.”



“Did you happen to be attracted to this stranger and maybe got embarrassed?”



“No, he was a new student Justin something. I didn’t care that he knew, the whole school knows. I’m like Lindsey Lohan here; everyone talks about how messed up I am.”



“Things have been pretty tough since Riley left for NYU with Merissa hasn’t it?”



“I don’t care about him, it was his choice.”



“He loves you very much Quinn.”



“If he loved me half has much as he says he does he would’ve brought me along to New York. I could’ve enrolled in a better school, got a better job and help pay. Brenda deserves to live alone. Now can I go back to class?”



“If you’re ready to, although I feel like we have much more to discuss.”



“Really? I think we’ve about summed it up, bye!”

As I walked down the hall back to third period the bell rang for lunch hour and I had turn straight back around. I was heading to the library when I heard footsteps running behind me, and some guy calling out wait up. I turned around and noticed Justin the new kid again. What does he want now! I looked all around me hoping to find some girly girl he could be responding to instead me; unfortunately I was the only person in this direction. I began to walk a little quicker thinking that he may get the idea that I didn’t want him around, once again no such luck as he caught up to me griping my shoulder for a breath.



“Hey why didn’t you slow down?”



“I didn’t think you were talking to me.” I lied knowing for a fact that he was.



“Yeah you did I saw you stop and stare at me and then you started walking faster. Don’t worry I’m not like that rude girl that was talking to us this morning. Oh and I’m really sorry about what she said, I didn’t believe any of it by the way.”



“That was a stupid decision considering she only stated facts.”



“Now that’s a lie.”



“How do you know it’s your first day here?”



“Your right I don’t know but there are a few things that were opinions, and none of them were correct.



“They seemed accurate to me.”



“Well number one you’re sure not ugly and number two I don’t believe her theory on why your brother left. If the other things were true then he probably just wanted to start somewhere new and wanted you to finish school before tagging along.”



“Ha number one cute but yes I am, and number two that’s what he says but I don’t believe him.”



“What! You’re not ugly at all! Why you beilive her? You’re a million time prettier then her”



“Alright cut the act! Where’s Natalie? Is she having you record this, wanting to play a prank?” I grabbed his shirt in my fists and pushed him up against the library building furiously.



“What! No I just want to have lunch with you! What did I say?”
That’s when it happened. I broke down and started crying. I slumped onto the pavement and buried my head in my knees. “Why can’t you people just leave me alone? What did I ever do to you?” He dropped next to me rapping his arms around shoulder, and began wiping away my tears. Once I finished crying I noticed Justin looking up.
“What are you starting at?” I asked changing the topic.
“Well you see that bird nest up on the pine tree?” He said while pointing above us.
“Yeah, what about it?”
“All the birds have abandoned it even though there is still one remaining egg.”
“It's a dud.” I replied crossing my arms, thinking he was obviously not a nature boy.
“How do you know? Maybe it was just too scared to come out?"
“That's highly unlikely.”
“Why not?”
“There dumb birds! They have it already set in their minds when their born that they need to poke out of their shell, eat a worm, fly away, find a mate, lay some eggs, and die.”
“You remind me of that egg. He said softly looking into my eyes.”
“Oh because i look like death? That's nice.”
“No, because you’re scared of people to show pity upon you. You don't want them to treat you nice just because they feel like they have to, so you try to do everything in your power to stop it. Except you can’t fight me Quinn. I see more in you then just some girl with an attitude, I see a caring, smart, stubborn, funny, and a silly person, and I want to be friends with her and maybe even more than that.”
“What do you…” Then he picked me up and kissed me right on the lips. Before I could say a word the bell rang and we both held hands and walked off to class together.
On the bus ride home Riley texted me again and this time I was in a much better mood.
Riley 3:15
Hey sis how was ur day?
Quinn 3:15
Great! How was urs?
Riley 3:16
Same old same old, look about this morning…
Quinn 3:16
Ur not a bad brother
Riley 3:16
What changed ur mind?
Quinn 3:17
Let’s just say I had a lot of good advice today.
Riley 3:18
Go on?
Quinn 3:18
…I WAS KISSED BY AN EXTREMELY CUTE BOY NAMED JUSTIN!!!
Riley 3:19
Omg? Where did this boy come from?
Quinn 3:20
Hes new, today was his first day lol
Riley 3:21
So some new guy just got up and kissed you? Well that’s not much of surprise with ur amazing good looks ?
Quinn 3:22
It didn’t exactly happen like that haha
Riley 3:23
Well I’m glad you made a friend/bf
Quinn 3:23
Hes not my bf…yet idk if he rlly likes me that way. He wants to be friends and I was crying cuz Natalie said mean stuff and it was just a long day and we were talking and then he said that I was all this stuff and then kissed me.
Riley 3:24
So in other words hes ur future bf?
Quinn 3:24
Haha prbly, maybe, IDK!
Riley 3:25
Lol
Quinn 3:26
Riley I gotta take a shower now tho so I g2g
Riley 3:27
Ur not ditching me again r u sis?
Quinn 3:28
No brother I’m not, say hi to Merissa for me!
Riley 3:29
Alright hav fun washing off all those kissing cuties bye!
Quinn 3:30
Idk if I wanna haha bye Riley…I love you!
Riley 3:30
I haven’t heard that in a long time, I love you 2 Q <3


When you’ve been made fun of for things that you couldn’t change. When the people you love more than anyone else let you down. When your nightmares become a reality. When you cry for five hours straight. When you live to accept horrible conditions. When finally after all this some sunlight begins to shine through those clouds that haven’t moved in what feels like forever, you would understand how important today was for me.