I keep glancing back, making sure he hasn't followed me. I know that sounds stupid, but it is a nagging habit I can't seem to shake. I twist the finger that once held my wedding band, the same ring laying on my nightstand, in my picture perfect life. Its pitch black out and I find myself back when I was a little girl, scared of the monsters that might jump out anywhere at any time. Finally I am at his door and ring the door bell after hesitating for a moment. As I wait, I watch a mosquito go toward a light and then, Unsuspecting anything, Wazam! He’s dead. If Devin was here right now, he would probably wrinkle his nose at the unsatisfying sound and then say," Poor creature. It didn't even see it coming." Just like he said after he did the same to me. The screen door shattered my thoughts and before I could react I felt a kiss planted right on my mouth, and just like I always did when I was around Gavin, I felt myself slip into a dreamland, slip into my wonderful, slightly imperfect love with Gavin. This is the life I want. The life I need.

We gathered next to each other on the couch and listened to the fire snap, crackle, and pop, like the cereal rice crispes. Gavin suddenly lifted up my sleeve and revealed colors on my pale skin like paint on a canvas. "Kathrin." he murmured softly, in that tender voice of his. I pulled down my long sleeve shirt defensively and ashamed and said," It's nothing." But we both heard the words I hadn't said." Devin just angry and he didn't know what he was doing." I wanted to protect my husband for reasons I couldn't explain, I mean I don't want you to get the impression Devin was a terrible person, because when we met he was charming and sweet making me fall in love with him faster than you could say Jack Robinson. But after we got married, it started to get worse.

Around Christmas Eve a year ago, we were at Halley Gordon and her husband's house for her annual Holiday party that was pretty cheesy but never the less brought everyone into the Christmas cheer. Well, almost everyone. Devin was in the back gulping down watery liquor and swearing like a madman, but even he was having fun. It wasn't him I was talking about. As I was going to the kitchen, I saw Gavin. He was alone, outside watching the snowflakes flutter to the ground, and I saw that he also didn't have a ring on his left hand (Later I found that he divorced his wife). "Hey," I walked down the steps, moving with hands up and down my arms.” It’s freezing out here.” He nodded, not taking his off the snow.”It’s not going to disappear, you know. There is a ton out here.” I stated, looking right at him. His gaze finally averted from the white specks of snow dripping to the surface. “You never know.” Gavin murmured, catching a snowflake in his hand, it melted in the palm of his hand. We sat in silence for a while, gazing at nothing and anything. “ Kathrin.” I finally offered. He gradually met my eyes. “Kathrin,” I repeated, “is my name.”
He nodded then answered,” Gavin. Gavin Corduroy.”

I briefly smiled at him. He didn't smile back, but the shining in his eyes told me that he was smiling where I couldn't see. Without saying another word, I climbed the stairs and headed back inside. Devin ambled over to me and before he even approached me, I could smell the liquor on his breath. “Kathrin." His words were drawn out, going up and down in tone, like a rollercoaster. “We are leaving now." I nodded, smiling, and told him that I would be glad to go. I wished Halley and her husband a Merry Christmas and a happy new year, and then followed in Devin's footsteps outside. I headed toward the car, still thinking of Gavin, and then paused when I didn't feel Devin beside me. "Devin?" I wrinkled my forehead in confusion.

"Who were you talking to, Kathrin?" It was more of a statement than a question.
“He was a friend."
“Don’t lie to me."
"I'm not!"
I didn't even see it coming. It was like a flash, then a gunshot. It wasn't like in the movies where you just say there and take it either. My head snapped back, hitting the door of the car. I could instantly feel the heat of tears blurring the world around me.
Then again, maybe that wasn't a bad thing.
“You...hit me." I touched my check as if he didn't know already that what he did was wrong.
"Don't you dare lie to me again!" He bellowed connecting his fist with my arm. Again, even after he hit me I was in awe that he actually meant to attack me as violently as he did. He suddenly stopped as if he had something more important to do than smack me. Devin slunk into the car, waiting for me as if nothing happened. I turned around and wiped my tears away. I didn't want to get in but I know I didn't have a choice. I couldn't leave him anyway. I slipped silently into the car and heard the rattle of our old car then we drove away. I remember when we got home that night, Devin said he was sorry and begged me to forgive him, swearing up and down he'd never do it again. I smiled, kissed him, and everything was back to normal. But as I was lying in bed that night, a thought nipped at my mind, eating my heart away until I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I saw Gavin, standing close by the garage, with tears streaking down his face. He'd seen everything.