Tentative glances followed by a tinge of cheeks, a light smile, a shy wave which sometimes was an overly enthusiastic one. This was how we lived for a while. I loved every moment of it. A brief shared moment left my heart swelling with clouds and cotton candy.
“Make a move." My friends pushed me, both literally and figuratively. I shook my head. I liked where we were and was afraid it would vanish, like the morning fog.
A few days later you approached me, hand rubbing your neck, eyes pondering your tattered sneakers. You muttered a question, I nodded a response, suddenly finding my own shoes just as intriguing.
The days found us, hand fitting like a puzzle, but most pieces will fit together if you force them. I ignored any lingering doubts and jumped into your arms, knowing full well I could not swim without you. My biggest fear is drowning but I trusted you.
Our hand were oppositely charged ions, constantly seeking the other to bond and create something better than either separately. My lips burned after each encounter with yours while my breath froze in my throat. I craved the feeling of frostbite and burnt flesh.
I liked not having to worry. You would catch me if I fell, save me if I began to drown, feed me if I was hungry and entertain me if I was bored. You were a magician, transforming into whatever I needed. I never thought about how long it would last or how long we had already spent. The pressent was all that mattered to me. I was addicted to the feelings you left me with.
But I should have known that life is not static. I never thought, only acted.
“I love you.” You spoke to me, holding me tightly, as if I kept you floating.
I turned to look at you before I spoke. “I love-” I began but tasted the lie the instant it left my lips. It tasted like copper and salt. Blood and tears.
I didn’t love you, only the idea of you. I loved the feelings because they were new and fresh. Because I felt cared for and protected. I loved that you kept me afloat. I never thought that I could be doing the same for you. We were both holding on, keeping each other afloat but if it continued much longer we would drown. We had been slowing sinking and never knew it. It was time we both learned to swim. I let go.