Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. From what I’ve tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction ice is also great, and would suffice. (Robert frost) My fear of commitment rages like a fire in my body slowly killing the world with in me. My insecurities are cold I freeze even the slightest glimpse of change, receiving it into the glacier where my heart used to be. Two extremes constantly in battle with in my body, which one will prevail? How will my world come to its end? Sitting here staring in the mirror, long flowing white dress, today is the day I will say I do, but do I? I have come this far fighting everything within, everything that tells me I am not ready for this, everything that tells me to run. All of my lives I have let this fire and ice within me dictate everything I do, but I am doing this for me. As I put my vale down in front of my face I think of what I have gone through to get to this door, what challenges I had to overcome. Elementary trying to understand how friends could be so mean. Middle School understanding clicks, and trying to find one to accept me. High school realizing that this is it I am almost on my own. Despite all of those things there is nothing that helped me control the fire and ice that lingered with in my body more than August 29th.
It was a cold fall afternoon August 28th everything was dark, people being evacuated all around me, but we (the girls’ tennis team at Southern University) were told to hold tight and wait out the storm. Concerned parents calling, wend speeds increasing, and rain falling harder than I had ever seen. Then it dawned on me I was right in the middle of my first hurricane. My surroundings go black; the daylight has been taken right from my sight.
The next morning I awake, nothing around me looks as I remember; I see no familiar faces around. Confusion has once again engulfed my body with questions I was unable to answer. Once again everything has gone black. Now I awake in a hospital bed the clock next to my bed says that it is September 5. Where had I been those days, I had so many unanswered questions, but first who was this strange man sitting next to my hospital bed? I had seen him once before but when I try and remember where I know him from it hurts my head. “Ah you’re awake? We didn’t think you would make it, you took a nice beating in that storm, what were you doing out in the middle of a hurricane anyway?” Said a strange man. So many questions coming at me all at once. First I wanted to know who this strange man was and why he was with me. “Oh where are my manners, My Name is Victor I play baseball at Southern and I’m in your math class” Now I knew who he was, he is always giving me weird looks in class like I am the only person in the room. As I begin to open my mouth to let the first words out I notice I can’t, so I point to my mouth in confusion “Right you dislocated your jaw in the storm, it is wired shut until it heals all up” What was I going to do? I have no clue where I am, I haven’t talked to my parents in almost 6 days, and I can’t speak. “I have contacted your parents and they know you are with me at the hospital and safe” Was he an angle? I had no clue but for now he was the closest thing I had to one, then he told me I needed to get some rest and not to worry that he will be right there next to me when I wake up he promised he wouldn’t leave. So that’s just what I did, I went to sleep and dreamed for the first time in a while. I dreamed that I was flying across an ocean filled with the letter A. What could this mean? As soon as I woke up the next morning decided to research. “To see the letter "A" in your dream represents the beginning of a new stage. You are moving on to something new and grand.” This was all so strange to me, what does this new beginning mean? Little did I know that I truly was moving on to something grand and new? Nine years later that man that was sitting by my hospital bed is the one standing at the altar for me today. He kept his promise he stayed with me, he was there when I woke up, and he was there when I got out of bed, we have been through a lot to get to this day, and now it is here. As I stand in this door way looking out upon all in attendance I the always approving eyes of my younger sister filled with tears but still bright as always, then my eyes meet victors, and I take my first step down the aisle, I never knew that on that day in that hospital bed I had just met the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with, my true love. Now I am much more open to change and I no longer have that fire and ice battling with in me I am at peace with myself and there for by the aid of all that is good in my life I have become the wife I have always prayed that I would become, with the husband that is more than I could ever expect.