“At first it was worse. Because there was that smaller part of me – smaller, but getting louder and angrier every minute, screaming at the rest of me – that craved a different set of arms. So then there was fresh guilt to season the pain” –Bella; Eclipse

How do you choose between the two best things in you life? How do you split your heart in half and live with an incomplete heart? How do you choose between your soul mate, and the person who was meant to be your soul mate if only the world was as it should be?

I had absolutely no idea how to do any of those. However the decision was glaring at me in the face, demanding an answer. Edward or Jacob?

I felt like a stake was being driven through my chest? Why couldn’t I make them both happy? Why couldn’t this stake being driven through my heart just split me in half, and give Jacob his half of me and my heart, and Edward his? Better yet, why couldn’t the world exist as it should? If the world was the sane place that it is supposed to be, where all creatures live and die in the circle of life, then Edward would have died in 1918 from the Spanish Influenza, and I would have never met or known Edward and Jacob would be my rightful soul mate and I could make him happy as he deserved to be. But the world isn’t the sane place that it should be. It was a completely insane place where nothing is as it seems, nothing makes sense, and there are werewolves and vampires. What kind of “sane” world contains werewolves and vampires? And in a sane world, no one simple person would have two soul mates.

So which soul mate do I choose? I had to face the facts that this was not a sane place, and I do, in fact, have two soul mates, and I needed to make the decision. Now.





I don’t even remember coming here. It was a bad idea to just get in my truck and let my silly foolish heart choose what to do and take me on the path that it has. I stare through the pouring rain at the small red house that has become so familiar to me during the past year. I wanted to drive off, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Because I knew what I wanted now, and what I want was so close. Jacob was just a few yards away; Jacob was just through that door. I know that there is no way that he knows I’m here; he’s still taped up from his shattered bones. I could still leave now. I needed to leave. I should leave. But I don’t want to. I’ve made my decision, and I know that if I don’t hurry and act upon it, then I’ll be stuck in indecisiveness again. So in a split second, instead of driving off as I should, I burst out of my truck and ran full speed towards the front door of that small red house. Alice would tell him, she would see my future disappear and tell Edward the terrible thing that I have done, tell him how our wedding is off. Crush him. Maybe he’d leave so that I wouldn’t have to tell him in person, and see the pain in his eyes. No, that was too selfish. I deserved to see the pain and feel the guilt over the damage I’ve done to him pulse through my body.

I stared at the doorknob. I could still run. Run back to my truck and drive to my Edward. My beautiful, perfect, amazing, wonderful Edward. My soul mate. No. I couldn’t run. Because I could feel a magnetic force, pulling me to Jacob, far too strong to resist. Finally I stopped fighting and reached for the handle and slowly turned it until I heard the click and eased it open, peeking my head inside.

In too deep now, That’s all I could think.

“Can I come in?” I asked Billy quietly, he replied with a simple nod and returned his attention to the TV with unmistakable interest in his eyes.

I creeped almost noiselessly, there was no turning back now. As I entered Jacob’s room, it was obvious that he was almost healed from his injuries.

“Bella? Why did you come? I thought you’d be planning a wedding right now?” Jacob said, trying to keep his tone lighthearted, but I could hear the bitterness creeping into his voice.

“I’m actually not getting married…” I replied studying his carefully composed face, but I noticed at his slips.

“Yet? What is he going to turn you into a bloodsucker before marriage? I thought you guys had some deal on that?” he said in a hard tone.

“I’m not going to be a vampire either.” I said very weakly, speaking those words were so painful. It was what I had wanted for two years for, what I had risked my life time and time again for.

His eyes widened, “Well you can’t stay with him all of your human life, that’s too dangerous” He said with confusion in his voice, he still wasn’t understanding.

“Jacob, I…I’m not going to be with a vampire…I was kinda hoping that this werewolf I know would still want me?” I was trying to act joyful about my decision, but I knew he could see through my falseness.

His face still filled with joy, he smiled my favorite smile, and his eyes were bright with enthusiasm. This was why I made this choice, Jacob needed me, if he didn’t have me, then he could never be happy. I could feel my eyes brimming over with tears, because I knew that by now, Edward knew of my decision. I fell into Jacob’s outstretched arms and buried my face in his chest trying to hide the tears from him.

“Bella are you ok? Are you sure? I don’t want you to hurt this much just to make me happy, hey, it’s ok Bella, it’ll be ok.” Jacob unsuccessfully attempted to comfort me.

I was determined to make Jacob happy, however, right now, there was too much pain for me to hide, and I just let it all out right there in Jacob’s arms. He gave up on comforting me and settled for holding me and whispering his love for me in my ear. Finally, after hours of wailing and sobbing, I was able to bring my tears to a halt. I didn’t want to leave, Jacob’s arms were too comforting to leave, but I knew Charlie would be beginning to worry.

“Jake, I’ve got to go home. I’ll be back soon, I promise.” I whispered, my voice hoarse from crying for so long.

“Ok Bells,” he said squeezing me close, “Hurry back to me. Be careful, I love you.”

“I love you too Jacob.” I said and heard him sigh in contentment. I gave him a goodbye peck and hurried out the door.




As I trudged up the stairs, I knew that the hard part was ahead of me, waiting in my room. I shut the door behind me and closed my eyes as I stepped forward into my room, knowing that when I opened them, he would be there, and I was right.

“Edward, I…” I stopped. What excuse did I have for this? Nothing, there was no way to explain how I could possibly cause him such pain.

I looked into his beautiful face, with those strange and gorgeous golden eyes, they were filled with pain and suffering. And it was my fault.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. What else could I say? I could feel the tears brimming again.

Naturally, him being the selfless creature he was, he simply shook his head.

“Bella, no, I’m not going to keep you from the happiness that you deserve, and what you want, he’ll be better for you anyway, he can give you the life that I can’t. I love you Isabella, and I always will, and I will be waiting for you to change your mind for my entire existence, and if the day comes that you change my mind, well Alice will see, and I will be here for you as soon as I can get here. Goodbye love. I love you Bella, forever.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead ending his speech.

“Edward I love you, you know that, please, please forgive me for this, I am so sorry” I sobbed and reached out clinging to him. I could see how much pain I was causing him, but I couldn’t control myself. I’d always love him. More than anyone else, even Jacob. And I’d miss him every day of my life. But Jacob needed me.

“Goodbye Bella.” Edward said softly in a voice that was saturated in pain, and effortlessly removed himself from my arms.




It had been three days. The pain was still strong and fresh, but Jacob was a good antidote, and I was discovering the feelings that I had for him and had been denying for so long. And it felt so wonderful to be human again! If I got a minor scrape I no longer had to worry about which of my family would kill me. Jacob and I were riding our motorcycles together down the backroads of Forks and the exhilaration was splendid. Jacob was so carefree and happy, it was hard to not be happy in his presence. I couldn’t help but throwing my head back in laughter and pure joy at Jacob’s shenanigans. I felt the natural pain of Edward’s absence, especially when my mind would play tricks on me. Many times I could have sworn that I saw a white flash with gleaming bronze hair…

When we sat down for our picnic, after Jacob devoured 6 sandwhiches, he reached over and pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me, it was comforting and nice how warm and soft he was, and I knew that no matter how soft and tender he was, if anything ever threatened to harm me, he would protect me. There, with his lips pressed to mine, I knew that I loved him, and I realized, that this was right, and meant to be, and that I could, and would, happily stay like this, forever.