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A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
More by this author
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.

© Kimber E., Yorktown, VA

The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!
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This article has 238 comments.

TessaDreamAuthor_3000 PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 15 2021 at 2:34 pm
TessaDreamAuthor_3000 PLATINUM, Tomball, Texas
37 articles 2 photos 147 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton<br /> " Balance your life with spiritual experiences that remind and prepare you for continued, daily ministering to others." - M. Russell Ballard<br /> "Love is expressed in a smile, a wave, a kind comment, a compliment." - Thomas S. Monson

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Oh my gosh, lol, but whoever is your sister's first boyfriend THEY'RE GONNA nEED HELP
DailyCreative BRONZE said...
on Nov. 5 2018 at 7:30 pm
DailyCreative BRONZE, Wood Dale, Illinois
4 articles 1 photo 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are -Aslan

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LOL-Worthy! BUT LORD HELP THAT CHILD.
Dani_Higareda PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 16 2018 at 2:07 pm
Dani_Higareda PLATINUM, Hanahan, South Carolina
20 articles 0 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” <br /> - Winnie the Pooh

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Wonderful and hilarious! I love it!
Hermione-Granger BRONZE said...
on Sep. 25 2018 at 2:26 pm
Hermione-Granger BRONZE, Bethel Park, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 198 comments
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This made me laugh hysterically. I love this!
KatariOsborne BRONZE said...
on Nov. 5 2015 at 8:40 am
KatariOsborne BRONZE, White Castle, Louisiana
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments
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I can relate to you in everyway because at my house it’s the same way as stated, “If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear.” My dad gets all his friends over for my sisters’ boyfriend and they drill him like he’s in the military, and like you said if she fools him into coming he’s either a brave or crazy person. I really love your short story because this is my life as well.
abomnibal BRONZE said...
on Nov. 23 2014 at 12:10 pm
abomnibal BRONZE, Leeds, Other
3 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
for freeeeeeeeeeee

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funny, sensative and exactley how any brother sould be :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2013 at 1:49 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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I think everyone can relate to this on some level. :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2013 at 1:48 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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A word of advice to all men meeting their girlfriend's family: watch out for the mother.  They are ALWAYS the scariest. ;) Thank you for the suggestion and thanks for the thoughtful comment!
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2013 at 1:47 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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I'm glad you thought it was funny and enjoyed it so much!  Thanks for commenting. :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2013 at 1:47 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thank you! :)
kamkit BRONZE said...
on Aug. 6 2013 at 10:56 pm
kamkit BRONZE, Ventura, California
4 articles 1 photo 22 comments
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This sounds like my family LOL
Delmara SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 3:06 pm
Delmara SILVER, Paris, Texas
9 articles 5 photos 5 comments
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Whoa, do I wish I'd seen this a couple years back. I could've scared the living daylights out of a couple guys who dared to date my sister! This is really good! I absolutely love your descriptions. You should write one of these for a potential girlfriend for a brother. But of course a girl would react differently to this kind of letter. As you said, the mother's the scariest!
catwithglasses SILVER said...
on Jul. 24 2013 at 8:25 pm
catwithglasses SILVER, Sewickley, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can&#039;t handle me at my worst, then you don&#039;t deserve me at my best.&quot;<br /> -Marilyn Monroe

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This is FANTASTIC!! It is so funny! I loved reading it. Keep writing. 
DawnieRae BRONZE said...
on Jul. 19 2013 at 4:42 pm
DawnieRae BRONZE, Lancaster, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 218 comments
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This was really good! Keep writing I love the way you write!
hippiechild BRONZE said...
on Jul. 12 2013 at 7:57 am
hippiechild BRONZE, Lakewood, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Not because they are perfect, but because they are free. Because they are alive.

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I loved this! It's so cute and I can totally relate to being a bit protective over my little sister. Thanks for the the funny and well written story. Your writing has a certain feeling about it that is very unique!
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 3:03 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thank you! :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 3:02 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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That's great that you enjoyed my piece so much!  Thank you. :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 3:01 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks!  It's part of the big-sister job description, isn't it?
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 3:01 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thank you! :)
Shaas_It_is.. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 9:44 am
Shaas_It_is.. BRONZE, Udupi, Other
2 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
Happiness presents itself before man with a crown of sorrow. He who accepts it must accept both.<br /> -Swami Vivekananda<br /> <br /> Don&#039;t be led by your problems. Be led by your dreams.

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Humorous and exactly the way i'd warn my sister's boyfriend.. :) Nice work.. Keep writing.. :)