You're the splash of colour that makes life a little less boring. You're the light in an otherwise gloomy day. You're another reason to smile. But you're also the raincloud that comes without warning, the tornado that haphazardly tears me down, the reason I cry at night.

You were sunlight on a cold day. Your very presence filled me with irrational, unbridled joy. You were lazy summer days filled with nothing but small talk and laughter. You were trips to the movies, long bike rides, and pictures in the clouds. You were long phone conversations late at night.

You were reasons to wait by the phone for a call. You were the reason I stayed up late online, waiting for a new IM. You were the reason I took the long way to class during passing period. You were the reason I stayed late after school.

I am none of those things to you.

She's the reason you check your phone incessantly for new messages. She's the reason you can't hang out on the weekends anymore. She's the reason you're beginning to care more and more about your appearance; the basketball shorts and loose tee are starting to be replaced by flannels and form-fitting jeans. She's your reason to smile.

It's easy for you to leave me in the dust, to pass on by obliviously, and to choose others over me. Magnetically, my eyes are drawn to your figure in the distance, making me painfully aware of your presence. It takes all my self-control to keep from ending a conversation just to start one with you. It's so easy for you to flirt jokingly with me while I desperately tell myself that you aren't serious. The things you say mean nothing.

And still I hold onto the hope that when you call, it'll be like before, it will be more than to ask for homework help. Naïvely, I still cling to the notion that, like a cliché, we were meant to be. But you are letdown after letdown.

The sunshine that once came with your “hello” is dimming. The happiness I once felt around you has become mixed with envy and nostalgia. I tell myself to move on, to pick up the pieces you never meant to break, to erase your name from my heart.

But you are the seven inconspicuous letters forever etched into my memory. One day, I will have unwittingly moved on. But you will forever be my first love, just as you are my first heartbreak.