I’m tied. I am strapped to active railroad tracks, being pulled over a waterfall, being burned at the stake. I am being thrown over the edge in the most painful way possible.


I deserve it.



I smiled. I lifted my face to the sky. I loved they sky, I loved the blue. It took me to another time. Looking at that endless blue it was not so hard to remember something anything else.


I remember another blue sky, once upon a time so very long ago. I recall the warm summer breeze that swayed the pale green grasses. I remember the music of the bubbling brook near by. Mostly I remember all of it fading away blissfully, even the blue sky disappeared and was replaced by you face which was all the more beautiful. I remember nothing of this world when you kissed me.


Another stab of agony brings me to the other side of the scale on which I balance now. I curled up on my side, tears spilling over.


I remember the contact, I remember the pain of my flowing blood but it was so fleeting. I mostly remember you touch; you warm careful hands as you tended to me. How could pain exist when you held me?


I remember the spilling of the blood. Now the spilling of the tears hurt so much worse. I screamed. The sounds shattered the silence that had been a physical presence in the realm of my torture.


The rough earth stabbed against my spine, I arched my back away.


Closing my eyes I was brought back to another place where I lifted my body towards the sun and the powder soft sand was hardly felt at all. I remembered how vividly my other senses acted. I heard you breath and smelled your skin. I ran my hand through your hair and felt yours on me.


The sky was darkening; the sun that I could not see was slowly disappearing taking all the light and warmth left in the world with it. Could it be possible that I live through another night? I ached so badly now.


The moon slowly rose into my line of sight, my streaming eyes still staring. Starts made their way into the blanket of the night sky. The birds, the crickets and other dusk dwellers play their harmony out into the air.


The combination creates for me another momentary escape. You hands hold me closely and im leaning against you as we twirl. The stars above us dance to sweet music and together we out shine the heavens. You softly brush my hair from my face.


I pull on my bangs worrying at my ragged body, not knowing how to cope at this point.



I million instances come back to me, every moment I remember every one. Us; our smiles, our songs, our foot steps and flights. Every touch, every kiss. Every caring word shared between us and every unspoken thought. I called them all back to me, reassembling you out of a memory.


Because you are part of me. I need all of me here, now, you were always there for me while the world tried to break me.


Where are you now?


You’re the only one who had enough of me to ruin me by leaving me. I don’t hate you; I love you. It’s all balanced, you see. I don’t blame God. I had a gift; the best gift of all yet that which cannot be possessed. Love tips the scale and so it balances out.


Yet my scale is stacked. I embrace the pleasure and the torture together. I would never trade it. If it kills me now least I have known real life.


So be my heart broken now, least it have once been complete.