Dear Henry,
I see you every single day in the hallway, yet we haven’t talked in years. I think that’s pretty awkward considering you were my first kiss and I think about that at least once a week. Last week I was passing by your house with my friend and I started wondering if you ever think about me and how I was your first kiss…wasn’t I? Every time I cross that bridge I think about how we sat under it that April afternoon and our lips met for under ten seconds (I don’t know the actual time because I was too busy taking you in to count). I’m sure you’re a better kisser than you were when we were twelve. And it’s funny that I even put you on this list that I keep of boys I had a “thing” for or with, but I do because of that one kiss.
Anyway, I guess I’ll see you around.

Dear Justin,
You made my first homecoming so special, even if we didn’t talk in person very often. I don’t blame you, I mean, I’m pretty unapproachable and we were only thirteen years old. But I had fun holding hands with you and sitting on your lap and being inches away from you face for hours and having your arm around me. And I will never forget that kiss…that perfect kiss under the stars in the senior courtyard. I think about it all the time. And I’m glad you moved to Ireland, even if you dated that annoying girl after me and then dated that girl who was so mean to me in seventh grade. We’re friends now and you’ve only come up once in conversation and we laughed about you. I still try to disregard the awkward Facebook chat conversations we’ve had since that night. Mostly, when I think of you, I think of that kiss…that kiss that I wished was my first kiss and that I told my parents was.
I hope you’re doing well and I hope you lose some weight and have gone through puberty and give girls more sweet kisses in the future.

Dear Trevor,
Wow. Can’t even believe I’m writing you this. Can’t believe I consider you a part of my history. I wasted a year of my life basically waiting for you to see that I was standing there with open arms. You were older and quiet and I was too scared to make the first moved. Terrified I’d scare you off until the day I finally did. I’ve almost forgotten completely about why I liked you in the first place. Now every time you try to talk to me, I want to punch you. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself. I‘ve moved on from how you hurt me. You have a girlfriend and live in a mansion. YOU’RE ALIVE. So stop whining and pissing me off.
I’ll talk to you…eventually.

Dear George,
Jesus…I’ll try to keep this short. I know how I’ve told you that you’ve screwed me up (and in some ways you have), but you gave me so much love, so much attention, and I’ll never forget it. I’ll try to remember you fondly later in life. Right now, I kind of can’t stand you, but I still want to talk to you just to know you’re somewhere out there I guess, but I want you to think that I’m fine. Truth is I don’t go through a day without thinking about you and I’m sure you have the same problem when it comes to me. And I’m sure you hate me as much as I hate you and I blame you for so much crap that I’m going through, like how I can’t look at couples and the thought of being someone’s girlfriend makes me want to vomit. But know that there’s a part of me that still loves you and always will. I hear that you don’t ever get over your first love and I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. It sucks that we’ll always be unfinished, no closure…but I guess I’ll be fine with you and the thought of those seven months we spent in a few years.
Maybe I’ll see you this summer and then…goodbye forever, I guess. Have fun in Germany.

Dear Calvin,
It’s crazy how much I’m crazy about you, but I can’t say your name or think of an actual future with you. That time we kissed in the rain was so perfect and I feel like a dumbass every time that I wave at you in the hallway and you just smile. It’s freaking me out that you’re not contacting me because you said you’d be back from New Hampshire on Tuesday, but I’m gonna play it cool because I don’t want to lead you on. Honestly, I’m just looking for a friend that I can talk to and be honest with and kiss sometimes, I guess. I don’t want to go to prom with you or meet your parents or go on dates. I just want to walk on the bike path and sit with you on a bench and kiss you goodbye when we’re done talking and do that at least twice a month until you go to college. That’s really all I want and that’s what I need and I hope you’re okay with that, but if you’re not, just say the word and I think maybe I’d consider a relationship with you…
I really like you and I’m not sure where we’re going, but I’m along for the ride if you are. See you soon…