Grumpy is my name, so don’t wear it out. But that wasn’t always my name. Everyone wonders why I’m so Grumpy all of the time. They tell me, “Grumpy you’re a real bummer to be around. Why are you like this?” wouldn’t you be grumpy if you were a dwarf living with seven other dwarves out in the woods? Those dwarves are no picnic let me tell you. One of them can’t hold up a conversation without falling asleep on ya. The other sneezes constantly! It’s disgusting. And Dopey, oh God Dopey. But that’s not why I’m grumpy. Ever hear of unrequited love? I’m all too familiar with it. Love made me the way I am today. I wasn’t in love with just any woman, oh no. I was in love with the most beautiful girl in the land and I’m not just saying that either. She was literally the fairest of them all. Yes, I was in love with Snow White.
It all started when the dwarves and I were out singing our little working song on the way back to the cottage. When we got back, there was a woman sleeping in our beds. I was completely taken aback by her jet black hair, her fair face and rosy cheeks. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. And when she woke up, we didn’t have the heart to kick her out. She even cleaned the house for us! Try making someone leave after that. She had the sweetest voice I ever heard. When she sang all the animals in the forest came to help her cook and clean. Which I didn’t find sanitary at all but I wasn’t going to question it. We were lucky enough to have her around for a few days. Every time she tried to talk to me, I was way too shy to reply. So she thought I was being rude and started to tease me by calling me Grumpy, even though my real name is Charming. Not to be confused with Cinderella’s husband Charming. I wanted to show her how charming I could be, but I just couldn’t do it.
One day we went to work like any other day and when we returned home, disaster struck. We found Snow White passed out on the floor with a half-eaten apple in her hand. It was a poison apple. We were all too familiar with these apples because the 8th dwarf Hungry ate one once, and now you don’t hear too much about old Hungry. Doc examined her and pronounced her dead. I couldn’t believe it, I wouldn’t believe. There had to be something we could do! Then, another disaster struck. The prince came. The prince was a real conceited jerk, I hated that guy. But whenever some maiden is in danger he’s always showing up. I knew that the only to wake up Snow White, would be with a kiss. I couldn’t stand the thought of that, but it was the only way. He took a look and Snow White and winced,
“Is that girl dead? Do I have to kiss her? I don’t even think that’s safe.” I couldn’t believe this guy.
“You should be thankful! Thankful to get the chance to kiss her!” I yelled, “Just do it so she’ll be okay! Please.” so he leaned with a churning stomach. Then her eyes fluttered open, she was alive! I was so happy I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about her. And then she got a look at that prince.
“You saved me!” she exclaimed. And the rest is history. The last I saw of Snow White she was riding off into the sunset with him on the back of his great, white horse.
After that whenever people called me Charming I would grumble, “Just call me Grumpy.” And it stuck.