When I was younger and my family would take me to the beach, I thought that if I stared hard enough at the line where the sun met the water- and truly concentrated for a while I could see something no one else could see. That I would find a flick of a mermaid tail or the horn of an unknown species. For hours I would sit on the sand, letting the salty water lick the tips of my toes and the sun burn a crimson line across my chubby child cheeks- waiting, and anticipating the arrival of something fresh and unique to add to the knowledge of mankind.
And as I've grown older, I have applied that to my life. I would take people that no one really knew and studied them. I would concentrate on their words and slowly break it up in my head until I dug to the root of their mind and how they thought. I'd find something inside of them that no one else could see. I would discover something brand new.
And at first I did that with you. You were intricate and intriguing and attracted me from the very start. I couldn't help myself. And through the beginning you were my own personal project. I studied you and analyzed every word you said. Decoding them down to the very core. But then things took a drastic change. I was listening to you speak during one of our get-together's after school. You were explaining to me a time you went to the beach and how you were fascinated with the horizon. You told me how you thought it would have to end somewhere. That it couldn't just go on forever.
I interpreted your words into that you didn't believe something could go on forever. It was to enormous for you to wrap your mind around. You couldn't even deem the fact that something didn't have an end. Because you were always looking for the end in things. Because you'd been let down to many times for something to not have an end.
That was when I realized I was in love with you.
I swear, that was when I stopped this project and hung out with you for pure fun. I realized I loved listening to your complicated metaphors. And I actually WANTED to get to know you. I wanted to understand everything about you and become completely and utterly familiar with it. I didn't just want to find something in you and leave you like I did with everyone else. I didn't want to be like that anymore. I wanted to change for you.
And as I broke you down, you broke me down harder. I realized I was changing. I was nicer. And every time you smiled I would smile more. I'd never been happier. You demolished my walls and I understood you the best I could.
I finally grasped the idea that I would never understand you completely. That there was somethings that I would have to wait to decode. That it would all uncover itself in good time. When you were ready you would open up your secrets to me and I would be accepting.
Now, when I sit on the beach as a more mature person. I'll stare at the horizon. I'll accept the fact that it goes on forever because it doesn't want to end. It loves being vast and wide and expansive. It loves being so far out of reach that no amount of swimming could pull you one step closer to it. It loves being intricate and deceiving. And no amount of decoding could help you understand it better.