Why does this have to be me? I wish everything would just make sense to me. But no, of course not. A few days ago I got a text from Zac during chemistry class tell him to meet him after school at our bench because he needed to talk to me. Zac and I have been best friends for about four years now. He was the only person that talked to me on my first day of eighth grade. Little does he know that I have been in love with him for about 3 years, three hundred and sixty- four days. So I'm sure you're asking why don't you just tell him? Well did I mention that he is dating one of my best friends Emily? Yeah that's right, and I'm the one that introduced them! The have been going strong for almost two years, not knowing that every time I see them together, my heart breaks just a little bit more. Of course, no one knows how much he really means to me, not even Caitlyn. You see, Emily, Caitlyn and I have been the best of friends for almost 3 years. We do everything together, from movie nights, to college tours, to random dance parties, to shopping.

During lunch Em, Caitlyn, and I were sitting at our lunch table when Caitlyn brought up a party that was that night. They were so excited for it, but I didn't want to go, so I made up some lame excuse about having to go to dinner with my aunt. Em told me that she and Zac could pick me up after the dinner, but something told me that that was a bad idea. The guy throwing the party's name is Dylan. Caitlyn has had a huge crush on him since the beginning of sophomore year and that was two years ago, so since then she has gone to every party he has thrown hoping that he would ask her out.... Still hasn't happened.

So I went to our bench after school and waited for Zac. When I saw him walking towards me, my heart started pounding. Silly, I know. We have been best friends for four years and I still get butterflies every time I'm with him. So anyway, I had no idea what he wanted to talk to me about, but I was hoping it was going to be something good. Well, it wasn't. He needed my advice on what to get Emily as a two year anniversary present. When I tell you that my heart sunk into my chest and I think I felt it break, I'm not joking. I hate that he comes to me for advice on Em, but who else is he supposed to go to? It just kills me that he can't see how much I need him.

It was a Friday night and I was sitting home by myself like a loser, drowning in self pity. I just kept looking in the mirror asking myself what Emily has that I don't? Is she REALLY that much prettier than me? Is her personality better than mine? Sounds pathetic, I know, but that day, I didn't care. My parents were out of town the whole weekend, so I had the house to myself. Normal teenagers would throw a party, but no not me. I wanted to stay home and watch movies while eating pints of Ben and Jerry's. Well that didn't happen either. At around two in the morning, my phone started ringing. It was Emily. Wen I answered I could tell that she was drunk and for some reason it is my job to go pick her up. I don't mean to sound bitter, but I have really had enough of her for the day. So of course, I picked her up and let her crash at my house that night. When we got home, she could barely make it up the stairs. When we finally got to my room and she laid on my bed and told me that she had a secret to tell me. It went a little something like this, keep in mind that she was laughing the whole time so I didn't really believe her.
"Sophie you're going to kill me." She said.
"I already want to kill you, you're drunk, and I'm tired." I said.
"Soph, I cheated on Zac." She said nervously.
"... What?!" I replied.
"I know, I know. But it was with Hunter. He's just sooooo hot." She argued.
"Okay, we can talk about this tomorrow, goodnight." I answered.
And that was it.

The next morning I was awakened by the sounds of birds chirping, and the sun shinning through my green curtains. I felt sweaty when I woke up so I immediately went into my bathroom to take a shower. When I got out of the shower I heard Em on the phone with her mom. From what I could hear through the bathroom door, she was in trouble for not telling her mom where she stayed last night. After I dried my hair and put my favorite pair of jeans on, I dreadfully walked out of the bathroom. I knew I was going to have to bring up what Em said last night because she definitely wasn't going to.

After talking to her for a while she wouldn't admit that what she did was wrong because "Hunter is just so hot." So needless to say she got really mad at me and stormed out of my house. But honestly what did she expect? Zac and I have been best friends longer than her and I. I actually trust Zac, with everything. Don't get me wrong, I love Emily, but I don't trust her. She's a little too crazy for me. Not to mention the fact that she gets everything she wants, including the perfect guy, who I just happen to be in love with. After she told me what happened, I had so many emotions running through me, I had no idea what to do. I felt awful for Zac, who is nothing but good to her, and he definitely didn't deserve this. But at the same time I was secretly jumping for joy because they wouldn't be together much longer, then maybe he would finally notice me. And then I felt torn... Should I tell him, or should I just sit back and watch? I wanted him to know as soon as possible, but she would KILL me.

All day on Saturday I stayed home, eating ice cream and watching Criminal Minds reruns. I wasn't really paying attention though, I was too busy day dreaming about Zac and contemplating on what I should do. Zac texted me and asked if I wanted to hangout but that felt like a bad idea because I knew I would end up telling him about Em and Hunter. I reluctantly ignored him the whole day, knowing that until I could make a decision I should stay away.

Saturday night I passed out in the living room with my ice cream still in my hand. I woke up in the middle of the night after falling off of the couch. I got up, walked up the stairs and curled up in my bed, falling peacefully back asleep. A few hours later I heard my parents talking in the kitchen. I went down stairs and talked to them for a little bit. They went on some trip somewhere in Florida, at least I think that's what they said. It was now Sunday, which meant only one thing, tomorrow is Monday, school happens on Mondays, Em and Zac go to my school....

Later on I called Caitlyn to see if she could give me any advice. Yes, she gave me advice, but I didn't like it. She told me to leave the situation alone, she said that it wasn't my place and that if I told Zac I would lose at least two friends, Caitlyn and Emily. I knew in my heart that she was right, but then again she didn't know that I loved Zac. Well I didn't think she did, until she told me that she had known all along. Apparently "The way I look at him" gives everything away. So after I got off the phone with her, I turned off the lights, turned off my phone, and laid in my bed. I didn't want to be bothered by anyone, I wanted to be alone. It seemed as if everything was just falling apart. All I have wanted since the day they started dating, was for them to break up. Now it's finally going to happen, but it doesn't feel right. I thought about everything that Caitlyn had said, especially that she knew how I felt about Zac. If it was so easy for her to see it, how come Zac couldn't? Or maybe he did know, and he just ignored it because he didn't feel the same about me.

I cannot really describe what I felt at this point. School was less than ten hours away, and I was going to have to face both of them. It took me hours to finally get myself to stop thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow, and go to sleep. I woke up a little early for school so that I could make myself look pretty for today. I straightened my hair, and put a little more make up on than usual. I was extremely nervous though, I kept replaying all of the different scenarios in my head of what might happen today. I still wasn't sure myself if I was going to be the one to tell him.

When I arrived at school, I went straight to our lockers to find Emily and Caitlyn talking. They seemed normal, just another day to them. I tried to act like nothing was wrong, but the situations as immediate brought up by Em. She said that she hadn't talked to Zac all weekend because she didn't know what to say, but today at lunch she was going to sit him down and tell him everything.

I don't really know what happened in any of my classes because I was too busy staring at my clock, waiting for lunch. When it was finally time for lunch, I rushed to the cafeteria to scan the entire area for Em and Zac. Before I could spot them, Caitlyn walked up behind me and asked me to go stand in the lunch line with her. While waiting in line, I noticed that Hunter and Emily were sitting together. Before I knew it, Hunter had Zac on the ground. Yes, they were fighting. Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at them, and there was Emily, just sitting there. I wanted to run over there and help, but I was paralyzed by what was happening. Before anything could get bad, teachers were pulling them apart. They were both sent to the Mr. Owen's office immediately. Caitlyn and I just stared at each other in awe. I ran out of the cafeteria, straight to the office. I waited outside of the principal's office for what seemed like hours. When Zac came out, I noticed he had a black eye. He didn't say anything, he didn't even look at me. He just grabbed my arm and we walked to our bench. On the way there, I decided I was going to tell him everything, everything about how I felt about him.

When we sat down he basically poured his heart out. Telling me everything that he had ever done for Em, and how he didn't understand how Hunter could do that to him. Zac was just so heart broken, I honestly didn't know what to tell him. I just listened to what he had to say. Neither of us went to our last two classes. We decided to take a walk to the park that was near school. I hoped that would make him feel a little better, getting away from school and everything. Zac and I started talking about old times, memories from when we were younger. Like the time he pushed me off of the swing by accident and broke my ankle, and then there it was... He smiled and gave me a hug, thanking me for always being there for him.

Afterwards, I couldn't resist. I had to tell him how I felt. So, I did. I let it all out, I began to cry. Something in the back of my mind told me to stop talking, but I simply couldn't. Whether he loved me back or not, I had to tell him so I wouldn't be wondering about it for the rest of my life. I would tell you what I said, but I was so nervous, that I don't even think I knew what I was saying. He just sat and stared at me. He didn't say anything. I stared right back, except that I had tears in my eyes. My heart sank into my chest because the fear of Zac not loving me back was closer than ever.