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Goodnight Daddy
The light is dimming slowly in the sky as Joshua and I lay atop his roof looking up at the sky. The changing colors captivating us, as light chills dance over our bodies. This is what we looked forward to the most. These end fall days, when we could simply sit alone and talk. Seven years of friendship have left us with many secrets and stories to tell one another. Our time together, kept us sane and our talks kept us going. Looking over to my right, I smiled as I saw his brown eyes were already glanced in my direction. “Having fun, goof?” I asked in a lightly sarcastic tone, just to mess with him. A red haze covering my eyes as the crimson locks on my head danced with the rhythms of the breeze. A deep chuckle leaked past his lips as he looked back up at the sky. “You’re my definition of fun, Rora.” He said softly as his eyes closed for a moment. Everything about this moment was calm and peaceful. We were able to forget our lives past this roof and just enjoy one another’s company.
That is, until my phone rang.
Sighing, I sat up and saw that it was my mother. Rolling my eyes, I assumed she was simply calling to bug me with useless information I didn’t need, however knowing that if I didn’t answer she would have a conniption fit, I decided it was best to answer. Glancing over at Josh, I nodded. “I’ll be right back.” I said in a slightly annoyed tone. He smiled and patted my back before relaxing back on the roof. “Take your time, beautiful.” He said as his eyes closed. Giggling softly, I climbed down from the roof and walked onto the grass, just out of ear shot from him. Answering the phone, I didn’t get a word in before the calm yet frantic tone of my mother filled my ears. As she spoke, nothing she said seemed to make since, mostly because I didn’t want to accept what she was saying, but when she finished and I didn’t reply, her last words were, “Just see if Josh can bring you to the hospital. I love you.” Putting a hand over my mouth, I bit my lip as my body trembled. “I… I love you too.” Were the only words that came out of my throat before we hung up. Sliding my phone closed, I slipped it into my pocket and slowly made my way toward the roof. However, when I looked up I saw that Josh had already climbed down. “What’s up?” he asked as he looked at my countenance. I took a deep breath in and decided to do what I have always done, not let him or anyone see how upset I internally am. Though, he could always tell that something wasn’t right, as if he could see right through me. “My mom just called from the hospital again.” I said as I tried to act nonchalant about it all. “Is it your dad?” he asked as a look of concern washed over his face. I nodded. “He’s in again. But she wants me to go over and see him.” I said acting as if I was confused why. “Not like it’s the first time he has been there. I don’t get why this would be such a special time” I add with a fake irritated tone. Joshua simply sighed and took my hand. I was going to look up, but then decided not to. I knew if I did I would start crying and I didn’t want that. Not right now. I’m not ready to. Without saying another word, he pulled me into his car and we drove off.
Not a word was said in the thirty minute car ride. Silently, we both knew what was happening right now, but neither would say it out loud. See, there was an agreement between myself and my mother. My ailing father was in and out of hospitals constantly. She decided that unless it was important, she wouldn’t bother me to go with them. Daddy has been sinking in his health more so than normal recently. Joshua knew that. If what we feared was happening, then this day was going to end in sadness.
Walking past the hospital doors, I use a text in my phone to find my mother sitting in the waiting room. Her thin yellow hair laid on her neck as her blue eyes filled with tears at the sight of me. “Aurora….” She said in a soft tone. Letting go of Joshua’s hand, I walked over and sat in the chair across from her.
“Why is he in this time?” I said in a tone that would have been seen as harsh for this moment by anyone’s standards, but for me, it was just what came out. My mother clasped her hands together, “He wouldn’t wake up this morning, Aurora.” She said as Joshua then sat next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Already, she was crying because she had started to accept what was happening right now. “He still won’t respond.” Her mother added as she accepted his embrace. I sat, stone faced with absolutely no reaction to give. Though on the inside, my heart was practically flying out of my chest. “He’ll be fine. He always is. He has his little fits where he comes into the hospital and everyone freaks out, then a few days later he ends up fine. This isn’t a big deal.” I said as I rested my head on my hand. Aurora’s mother sniffled and saw that her daughter was doing what she always did. “Aurora, it’s different this time. He isn’t coming out of this. It’s over now.” She whispered as she reached over to touch her hand. I pulled back. “No, it isn’t mother. It never is over. Give him a day; he’ll be awake just like he was before.” I said in a quick and harsh tone. “Aurora, the plug is pulled… It’s over.” She said in her final attempt to get me to understand. My head flashed up as I finally looked at my mother and Joshua. Still with no tears in my eyes, I saw the pain in her face and in Joshua’s then decided I couldn’t take it. Standing up, I walked from the waiting room and went straight to the only tree in the hidden part of the parking lot.
My body started to tremble as tears finally started to build in my eyes. As my hand desperately grasped the turquoise necklace around my neck that my father had given my years ago, I fell to my knees as my body finally grew to weak to hold in my pain. “Daddy….” I said in a shaking voice as sobs escaped my lips. “I’m sorry….” I whispered as I trembled violently from my overflow of emotions and the cold of the growing night. It was with that word, I felt as though my throat had been sealed shut. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t speak another phrase in my fit of pain. Honestly, I didn’t want to. Suddenly, as my I continued sobbing, I felt a new since of warmth wrap around me. Immediately, I knew it was Joshua. Instinct told me to stop crying and act like I was fine, but I couldn’t. Giving in, I cried in his arms for several hours. My father was dead, and there wasn’t anything I could do to change that.
Time from then on seemed to flash by in a daze. Before I knew it, daddy was buried in the ground and it was two weeks later. Mom seems to think I still haven’t accepted the fact that he is gone. Honestly, I don’t think I have either. All I’ve done since the burial is either sit in my room with music or sit on my roof, alone. I don’t sleep anymore. Exhaustion has taken over my face. Joshua has come and visit me several times, but I haven’t said anything to him. Actually I haven’t said anything to anyone. I’ve gone mute. I’ve heard them whispering saying it because of the traumatic event, but honestly, I don’t know why. I feel like every time I try to speak, nothing worth saying could come out. I didn’t say goodnight to daddy the night before he died, why should I say anything to anyone else? I think Joshua is starting to feel a strain on this as well. Our usual lives consist of conversation upon conversation each day. Now, there is nothing. I know he misses talking with me, but I can’t respond to him. I would if I could, but I can’t.
Another week flashes by, and I find myself digging through my journal. This is the only place where words of my own find refuge. I’ve been writing every day, but I’m still not speaking. Ending my chapter for today, I toss my journal on my bed . In that moment, Joshua walks into the room with a book in his hands. “Rora, I found something that I thought you might want. Your mother and I were in your father’s room and we found his journal.” Taking the book hesitantly from his hands, I bite my lip and look up at him. His eyes tell me how much he misses our talk. I hand him a note that says simply, “I miss you.” He tears up and sits next to me on my bed. Resting my head on his should, I start to open my father’s journal only to find a letter In the front. It’s addressed to me. My eyes widen as I look up at Joshua. He just shakes his head. I open the white envelope to find a piece of paper covered in my father’s hand writing. My eyes start to scan over it as my heart flips in my chest.
“My dearest daughter,
By the time you find this, I should be past this life and in my next. Heavens been waiting for me for quite some time, and I’m happy to say I’ve finally found it. I know saying goodbye is never something we want to do, but in times it is what is only appropriate….”
I continued to read my father’s words along with Joshua, each new sentence filling my heart with something that had been missing from before. Sniffling as my eyes started to burn with tears, I felt myself break as I read the last paragraph.
“In the nights where you miss me the most, cling to your necklace my darling. I will always be there to wish you the peaceful sleep you deserve and the glorious mornings that will follow. For now, my dear, though we have to say goodbye, I wish you a Goodnight and Good morning.
Love, Daddy”
After three weeks of a stone face, a smile slowly develops on my face as I whisper aloud “Goodnight Daddy.”
The next day, I find myself sitting atop Joshua’s roof again. We’ve been here for four hours, but we had plenty of conversation to catch up on. When the day finally finds itself coming to an end, I rest my head on his chest as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, a smile glowing on both of our lips. “I really missed you, Joshy.” I said in a soft tone as I looked up at him with a happiness back in my eyes. Placing his hand on my cheek, he kissed my forehead softly, then looked back up at the sky. “I missed you to, Rora.” He said with a soft chuckle. Then clasping to one another, we watched as dusk turned to night. “Goodnight daddy.” I whispered in my head. Looking down at my necklace I saw the engraved word on the back that said. “Goodnight, Rora” and with that, I found my peace for the night.
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