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Forever
The rain taps on the window, like someone knocking at a door. The pencil moves against the paper, forming all the beautiful places her eyes wish to see but cannot. The drawing she makes is not her reality: it’s the reality she wishes she had.
It’s automatic. She doesn’t even think. Her hand moves as if it has a soul of it’s own, not depending on the brain to tell it what to do.
On that piece of paper, she lets it all out. Fears, hopes, wishes and thoughts. There’s no one to tell her what not to do or not to feel, the only thing controlling her is her heart. She’s, just for once, letting her feelings flow.
She has kept to herself for too long, a stack of dark feelings fills her heart, leaving space for nothing but sorrow. For once, she must let it out. That drawing has the shapes and colours of her soul, of her heart. No one will see it, there’s no reason to care what she lets out.
A long breath, the soft yellow pencil falls on the floor and, in the silent room, it’s just like a bomb was dropped. Her hand covers her mouth, a long withheld scream flows out. Tears fill her olive eyes.
Amidst the stars and flowers, among the M.I.T. Buildings and in the middle of the pencils and paintings, she had drawn the one thing she was longing to forget. She had drawn him.
At first it was just a shadow, but with every move it became closer to a person. The hair grew darker as the eyes grew lighter, the lines became arms and legs, the circle became his head.
She stares at it, not able to move her eyes away. For what felt like ages, she had hid all his pictures, covered all the photographs, buried all his letters, but none of that had been able to make her heart beat slower, his smile still shines on her memory and now it fills the piece of paper resting right in front of her.
She closes her eyes, but the memories come either way. The passion red roses, the comfortable laugh, the sound of “I love you” resting in her ears. The tears fall as she remembers the moments, how happy she once had been…
On her head, she sat on a table, looking around the bright ballroom. She wondered why she’d come. The boy she thought she was in love with danced with the girl she thought was her best friend. They looked happy and, every time their lips touched, her heart sank.
Her eyes were so focused on them, she did not notice the guy walking towards her. He said hello, but she did not hear it, too caught up on what was happening to the others to realize what was happening to her.
He said it again, resting his hand on her shoulders, his fingers brushing her blonde hair. For a moment, his eyes rested on the girl in front of him. Her golden gown brushed against the floor, matching the rays of sunshine that formed her hair. Her eyes were deep like the sea and the color was shiny like a mermaid’s tail.
Standing across the room, he’d been watching her since the night begun. She’d caught his eye on the very moment she’d walked in. She was so astonishing, it was impossible not to feel mesmerized
She was the sun and here eyes were the stars. He’d never seen anyone shine brighter, but, on the moment, she reached the bottom of the stars, an eclipse took over. Her smile faded and her eyes filled with tears. But she didn’t shed a single one.
Even on the darkest moment, right when her heart broke into thousands of tiny pieces, she didn’t lose it. She only looked broken for a split second and, right afterwards, she was smiling again. For him, it felt like she was used to that. Faking. Little did he know how right he was. In the world she lived in, those who don’t fake it don’t make it.
She walked calmly towards one of the tables and sat down, watching as the couples danced. She drank glasses and glasses of champagne, ignoring the fact she hated it. The flutes covered the table, until it could barely be seen. Not in a single moment, she got up. She smiled at the ones who passed, waved at the people she knew. But she didn’t dance or laugh. Something inside her was broken.
It took him hours to gather the courage to walk towards her, to break the walls she’d built around her. It wasn’t easy for him to mutter the first word. A simple hello, but it’d taken everything he had in him to say it. She didn’t answer. He sighed and said it again. He touched her, feeling her cold shoulder against his skin.
She turned her head, now facing him. She tried to look like she didn’t at all care but something in that boy made her lips curl into a smile. She couldn’t help it buy say hello, her sweet voice still low.
She was scared to trust him, having been hurt so many times before. She no longer believed in true love and prince charming but she had no choice other then let him in. When she looked up again, he was already seated.
He smiled back at her, introducing himself. Without realizing it, they were soon emerged into deep conversation. Her fear was magically gone, she was comfortable, happy. They’d just met, but they felt like long lost friends finally meeting again.
After an hour or so, his lips pronounced the long expected words. Do you want to get out of here? She nodded as he took her hand and led her to the exit.
None of them noticed, but the couple she once watched now watched her. Their similes had faded and their eyes were glued on the newly formed couple walking out. All head were turned to them.
Almost halfway there, the walking turned into jogging and then running. Her shoes were somehow removed and the sole of her feet touched the cold floor. With one hand, she held the dress, allowing herself to run. With the other, she held his hand, not able to let go.
They only stopped when they were out on the street and the wind blew on their faces. The soft classical music was replaced by the loud sounds of the city. The honking of the cars, the cursing of the drivers, an alarm going off at the end of the street.
The couple ran on the sidewalk, attracting looks wherever they went. Soon, they stood in the center of the park. They didn’t think it could be dangerous. They didn’t care that it was cold. All they cared about was that they were together.
She sat by the lake, pulling her dress up to her knees and tipping her toes into the ice cold water. He sat by her, removing his dancing shoes. For a moment, they said nothing. And the silence wasn’t at all awkward. Just them being there was enough and the other’s heartbeat was the only sound they needed.
He didn’t mean to, but he rested his hand on top of hers. His finger moved slowly, drawing shapes on her skin. Her head laid on his shoulder and her eyes were barely open. A smile on her red lips.
The hours passed. She fell asleep. He spent the night watching her, the girl of his dreams. She didn’t even think about calling home. He didn’t remember he’d passed the curfew. They didn’t care they’d get into trouble or that their parents would be worried. All they wanted was to be together for as long as they could. They didn’t want to go home.
Sun rays reached the surface of the water. The stars faded as the sun rose. She laid down on him, softly asleep. She looked peaceful, her expression serene. No sign of the tears that struck her the night before could be seen.
His eyes watched the sun’s reflection on her dress, how her chest moved calmly as she breathed. His fingers were tangled on her locks, moving up and down, careful not to hurt her.
Somewhere along the way, her dress had ripped, her make-up had smeared and her hair had gone wild. One of his shoes had fallen in the water during the night and the lake had wrecked the hem of his pants. His bow-tie fell by his side, half-buried in the dirt.
As the sun rose, people appeared, breaking the lover’s peaceful quiet. She opened her emerald eyes, resting her gaze on his face. His dark hair fell messy, a strand pressed against his clear eyes. A half-smile curled on his lips made her heart beat faster and, for some reason, she couldn’t get enough of looking at him.
He was the love she’d finally found. The guardian angel she’d never believed would come. He’d saved her from the thoughts that crossed her mind as she sat on that party, watching everyone happy but herself. Seeing everyone smile while her eyes filled with tears. If he hadn’t come, her demons would have won. But his hand held hers as they ran away from the world that destroyed her.
No words were said, but they agreed it was time to leave. The magic of the night was gone and she was terrified one of the people around would know her. As they got up and walked out, their hands were always together.
The morning sun gave the street a complete new look. There were barely no cars and the noises were light. A few mothers walked past, taking their children to school. The kids laughed.
They walked into a cafe, the doors barely open. The waitress was the only soul inside. All the tables were empty but the smell of coffee already filled the air. They reached the further corner, hidden from the curious sight of walkers. Only when they settled down, she realized how hard her stomach growled, begging to be filled.
She hadn’t eaten the day before, terrified she wouldn’t fit in her gown. Had her mother bought it a number smaller on purpose? All that filled her was champagne but the alcohol had no effect anymore.
She starred at the stack of pancakes in front of her. Her eyes focused on the chocolate chips, her brain calculating the calories. He noticed it, there was something with her. A joke he made brought her mind away from the ugly thoughts and next time she stopped to think, the plate was already empty.
With that girl, he could be no one but himself. He had no expectations to meet, no pre-made concepts and wishes to fulfill. He would conquer her heart with his words, with his personality and not with his father’s money or his mothers voluptuous lies.
On the mirror behind him, she could see she looked like a mess but, oddly, that didn’t bother her. It made her happy that he could love her that way, that he didn’t want her for how she looked but for what she was. For once, her hair didn’t have to be straight and her make-up didn’t have to be spotless. Her mother wasn’t there to tell her what not to eat and her father wasn’t watching, only to shake his head when she made a mistake.
She could show that boy who she was inside, because she wasn’t trapped by her looks. Her personality was finally more important than what genetics had given her.
The clock on the wall said 7AM. The streets were filling. A family walked into the cafe, pancakes went in and out in full speed. The city was waking and they knew that, very soon if not already, people would be looking for them.
Her feet touched the sidewalk, now as crowded as Disneyland on Christmas. The sun hit her body, heating her cold skin, giving her back her light. For the third time, they walked hand in hand down the street.
The day passed by in the blink of an eye. He got him roses at a local flower shop, bought her a cake at a worldwide famous bakery. They watched a german movie at the downtown cinema, fed the animals in the city zoo and studied every single painting at the art museum.
As he stood in the aquarium, he realized how lucky he was. Not only was she beautiful but she was real. All the girls he’d dated before had hearts like plastic but she didn’t. She felt, she thought, she tried. She was nothing but perfect.
Fish swam, making the waters move. Little children ran by with balloons and aquarium themed t-shirts. Her eyes were glued on the Nemos and Dorys swimming around. His eyes were glued on the beautiful girl standing beside him.
.
She turned her head, looking at him. They stood there, staring at each other’s souls, peacefully quiet. She took a step closer, he touched her arm. Her lips curled into a smile, his other hand held her face. They were only inches apart and, ever so slowly, their lips touched.
His heart beat faster as he held that girl in his arms. He’d kissed so many before, but it had never felt like that. He could hear the loud thumps coming from his chest, even with the children screaming. He could feel something change inside him, he could feel himself falling in love.
A chill went through her spine, a tingle filled her stomach. She’d never felt that way before. Was that what love felt like? She didn’t believe in it, specially not like that. But she knew she’d never be able to deny the butterflies, not while that dark haired boy stood by her side.
She opens her eyes, the tears staining the drawing that brought it all back. Her heart hurts, the pain stings. Why did she have to go back to that one day? She takes a deep breath, realizing she’d never be able to let go of him.
The paper falls on the floor, the pencils thrown against it. She screams, no longer angry at him for leaving, but at herself for falling for him. She presses her body against the wall, the tears taking over. Her eyes close, she falls down, burying her head against her bare knees.
Her cry is now silent, the pain is so deep she can’t even scream. Her gaze falls on the pills, wondering what would happen if she took them. For a moment, it did cross her mind. What am I living for, anyways?
A beep comes from the answer machine. She has sixteen unanswered messages. Out of them, most come from her parents, begging her to forgive them for what they’d done. They’d hurt her inside and out and now they want her to take them back but they’d stolen the only thing that still kept her heart beating. Another comes from her dentist, wondering when she’ll come back to treatment. But one has no words on it, only the breathing of a boy that longed for her to answer.
On the center of the living room, stood a couch. On it, two women sat down. The worried expression in their faces showed that something terrible struck upon them and how the one in green stared at the clock every five minutes did nothing but make it certain.
Her daughter had left for a party, but never come back. It’d been over 24 hours since she’d left. Her friend told her what her son had said: the little princess had left with a guy and, apparently, his story wasn’t one very nice to tell.
He had a reputation. From mouth to mouth, there were stories. Broken hearts, pregnancies and motel rooms. The worried mother’s ears filled with spoken dirt. The stories went everywhere but just how much of that was true?
Now, she looked at her daughter. She’d come home minutes after the friend had left. She yelled at her for hours and in the end she was no longer sure what she was angry about. Little did the woman know that all they’d done was kiss and walk around the city. The reputation he had was nothing but lies and he’d never laid down in a bed with anyone but his stuffed animals.
In that moment, the mother hated him. She hated him for taking her daughter’s innocence, for making her doubt her baby girl’s perfection. She hated him because he’d forced her to see her child wasn’t that little anymore.
Her mother screamed, her face red with anger. Her body shook with rage, her eyes showed her fear. Yet, the sound of her yelling never reached her daughter’s ears. The young girl’s mind was far away, her thoughts buried in his sky blue eyes.
She stands there, paralyzed. Not able to take her eyes away from the bottle. She doesn’t get up, she doesn’t move. Thousands of thoughts race through her head. She can hear her own heart beating. Boom, boom, boom. She can feel herself breathing, the air coming in and out. The world surrounding her goes black, as she lets her eyes close, surrendering to the exhaustion that suddenly hits her.
She dreams of all the moments they’d spent together. The dates they’d had in secret, how she’d hid it all from her controlling father. When he sent her roses as a secret admirer and her sister begged her to tell her what she was keeping from her. But the one memory that struck her, making her wake up with the pain it brought, was the night her father found out his baby girl wasn’t only his anymore.
A friend of his told him he’d seen his daughter at a mall. At first, he said he wasn’t sure it was her because a boy pressed her against the wall, his tongue down her throat. The father was shocked and anger struck him.
He barged into his daughters room. His massive hand hit her face, waking her up from her peaceful dreams. The alcohol in his blood multiplied his rage and with every attack he got angrier and the pain grew stronger.
He kicked and punched and screamed, leaving bruises all over his daughter’s body. He’d only regret it when the vodka was gone and he was back to himself and his mind.
She laid down on the silk covers, her eyes red with the tears she’d shed, her face marked by her father’s massive hand. The pills she’d taken sat on her stomach, softened by a bottle of wine. She felt dead inside, her daddy’s words ringing on her disturbed mind. He’s a bad influence, he’d said. You can never ever see that boy again.
Never was such a strong word, aggressive. They didn’t understand how he’d made her feel like a woman for the first time. How her heart had beaten faster and her smile had felt endless. Never in her life had she felt as good as she’d had by his side.
A loud thump made her body shiver. Was her father once again coming for her? But the noise came from outside, someone tapping on the window. She opened the curtain to see him there, standing on a branch.
Her lips curled into a smile and all she did was nod her head, no words about him could be said while she was still inside that house but no one could forbid her from feeling what she felt inside. No one could stop the butterflies.
It was impossible not to notice the scars and bruises, the redness on her angelical face couldn’t be ignored. The anger grew on his heart. What had they done to her? How could someone hurt her like that?
When he asked, she shook her head, telling him not to worry. Yet, her eyes begged for him to help her, take her away from the monsters inside and outside of her head. She needed him to hold her and so he did, squeezing her hand.
The phone rings, time after time. The voicemail fills, message after message. She doesn’t hear it, call after call.
She walked into the house the next morning hoping not to be seen. She didn’t turn the lights on, she didn’t wear her shoes. Careful wasn’t enough, she was filled with fear. But her father had been waiting for her. He sat on the living room, a bottle on his dirty hand. A look of rage fell on her as she opened the door. All her care wasn’t enough.
On the dark, she didn’t know what’d hit her. She felt the glass break against her skin, the tiny pieces destroying her shelter. The red liquid dyeing her world. Something thrown against her head made it all go black.
She opened her eyes, a part of her hoping to see him laying there. But all she saw was her father, watching her. The window was opened but he didn’t stand there like he had so many nights before. Never again he came.
He sits outside her home, the rain falling on his shoulders. He touches a scar on his arm and his hand moves, automatically, to the place were the bullet entered him. Tears fall, mixing with the water around him as he remembers the night it all went wrong.
His shoe was covered with mud, his wet hair was plastered against his forehead. Her house grew on his eyes, a smirk grew on his face, her picture filled his mind. He’d thought about her all day long, unable to focus on anything besides her. He had to see her or else he’d go crazy.
He reached the tree, climbing slowly like he had the night before, careful not to make any unwanted noise. Careful not to fall down, watching his feet and not the window. Maybe, if he had looked up for an instant, he would have seen that what looked at him weren’t her green eyes but the barrel of a shotgun.
The bullet entered him, knocking him down. He hit the floor fast and hard, his head cracking on a stone. His eyes closed slowly, her name formed on his lips. Black it all went, the night grew darker.
He woke in the middle of nowhere. A field. He tried to get up, but he couldn’t move. A piercing pain hit him, coming from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. All he could see was blood. Cuts, scars and bruises filled his body.
He tried to call for her, but he could barely breath. How long was he there for? It was still night. How long did he have? The salty tears hit the ground, slowly turning earth to mud, turning the fairytale into a terrifying nightmare: he was left alone to die.
A park ranger found him, hours later. He had almost lost all his blood and water, he only had a few moments left. If the ambulance had arrived a second later, he would be gone forever. All the drive to the hospital, he muttered her name, begging the doctors to find her.
But all his parents could see was their baby, who had just been shot. They couldn’t convince themselves that girl could be good for him, no matter how hard they tried. They had to forbid people from looking for her, or else he could end up dead never to be found.
He wonders whether she’ll take him back. He has to try, he’s waited too long. He walks towards the door, step by step, his heart beating faster. He’s scared. Truly, deeply, utterly, terrified.
His hand knocks on the door like rain tapping on the window. He knocks hard, almost bringing the door down. He can feel that something inside that house is terribly wrong, he has to come in fast, she has to open that door.
She gets up, her make-up smeared, she looks like an absolute mess. She opens the door, no idea what could possibly be behind it. Her hand covers her mouth, stopping a gasp. Her eyes shine as her sights falls on him. Is it really true? Is he really there?
“Clara!” he yells, not able to control himself. His arms fall around her, wrapping her thigh. Never again he’s letting her go. She will be forever his. He whispers I love you in her ear, her face fills with a smile. Never before has she been happier, her heart settled with his warm embrace.
Their lips touch, their bodies pressed together. It won’t be easy but they can do it. For the first time ever, their parents won’t stop them. They’ll follow their hearts. Love will conquer all.
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