The glass frosted over as she exhaled cool, sweet breath from her parted lips. Her dark glasses flipped down over her eyes, hiding her overwhelmingly tear filled eyes. Like the rain, her tears began to fall…
It was half way through their second day of their trip, the first half had been fun with the all her friends but not a second went by that she didn’t think of him; his beautiful green eyes, perfectly glistened skin and his deep melodic laugh. In a sea of people she could pick out that beautiful face of his, her heart fluttering she approached him, his mouth curving into a perfect smile. “Let’s go for a swim” she exclaimed. “Sure thing” he said, already in the process of taking his shirt off. They frolicked, they splashed, and they laughed. On occasions he would hold her really close; his huge arms made her feel safe. Her delicate hands would intertwine with his big strong ones. They were perfect together. The moments when their eyes would meet were the most precious to her, looking into his topaz eyes, she knew everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to do, his eyes were the opening of his heart.
Knock, knock. Her delicate fingers drummed lightly against the cabin door, the balls of her feet rocking back and forth with anticipation, waiting to see him. Every time she saw him, her face shone like the sun, he made her happy more than happy, he made feel extraordinary. She glided through the cabin door, she was angelic in the way she moved, her blue jeans strategically tight around the buttock area; she knew how to flaunt her assets with coyness. Her tiny body scrambled up the metal ladder, she curled up around his chest and sat there, soaking up his warmth and masculinity. His tan skin contrasted perfectly against her snow white skin, they were equally perfect. The love that shone out of her eyes was hard to resist. The room was buzzing with compassion, love, lust and trust, it’s hard to believe that merely months ago these two were avoiding each other like the plague. That’s the thing with breaking up; you either stop talking or fall back into each other’s arms and these two were familiar with each other’s arms by now but their love was hopeless even if they couldn’t see it.
She was propped up on her shoulder; looking down upon his beautifully sculptured face, gazing into his divine eyes, their lips moulded together, the sweet smell of their warm breath wafted through the evening air. The rustling of clothes and blankets sounded through the room as the two of them continued their passionate kissing, each kiss more intense than the next. With the flailing of an arm and the swish of a leg, the two were completely intertwined, so different yet so similar, like yin and yang. A flash of pearly white teeth emerged from her mouth, revealing a goddess like smile, he beamed back at her with his just as beautiful smile and for few moments their teenage lust was teenage love.
“Get out” boomed a voice that seemed so distant, it was one of the teachers. With a light thud she was on the ground, it was feline like; graceful, elegant yet powerful. And with a simple “see you” she departed, the butterflies in her stomach lifting her out of the room.
That night, she cocooned herself in his jumper, taking in the smell of it, the warmth of it and the importance of it. Her eyes fluttered open and closed all night, her dreams filled with his beautiful face and his superb mouth. Dreams and reality were finally as good as each other.
Anticipation woke her early, a smile plastered upon her face. The smile faded as soon as she saw him with anyone else or the way that only sometimes he would acknowledge her.
She waited for him all day, just waiting for him to look at her with those beautiful eyes. Day turned to night with little attention from him but as the night rolled on, it quickly shaped into something she would never forget.
“Right everybody, we are going for a walk along the beach” boomed the teacher’s voice. Immediately he looked at her and she looked at him, nothing needed to be said, the love in their eyes was louder than a thousand words. The sand ran through their toes, their hands ran through each other’s. They joked around with each other, best friends as well as lovers, him running along the beach with her hot on his heels. They would stop to kiss, his perfect lips ever so delicately touching hers, turning into a hot, passionate kiss. He looked perfect, even in the dark. As they fell further back from the group, the kissing became more frequent, only every speaking a few words before their lips would meet again.
“So, what are your feelings for me?” He stopped walking and looked at her beautiful face.
“I like you, I really do but we have history, we haven’t been able to work out. I’m not good at relationships.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“I know, I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not looking for one. Let’s just say we are friends, very good friends. Is that okay with you?” He looked into her eyes with nothing but compassion.
“Yeah, sounds good to me” as the words escaped her lips, he picked her up into his strong arms and they kissed. The most wonderful, passionate, loving kiss she had ever felt.
He was perfect. Tonight had been perfect. Everything was perfect.
She was sky high, everything was how it should be but nothing last forever and in this case, forever was over. Just like the previous day, she went unnoticed to him all day and once again it wasn’t until that night did they see each other.
“This is boring, want to go do something?” she said
“Eh, maybe. Maybe later.” And with that, he walked off.
She sat there for a while, every now and then they would make eye contact but for 90 percent of the time, he was too busy flirting with other girls. Tears began to form in her eyes and a big lump in her throat developed. With her music in, she walked. Down to the beach and just walked. Walked and cried. Cried and walked. Why? How? Why did this always happen to her? She was devastated. Heartbroken. Her face was tear streaked and she was struggling to catch her breath. When she finally returned to camp, he was absorbed in conversation. She sat down with them.
“Are you okay?” He whispered to her.
“Mmm” was all she could muster.
“Can we have a chat?”
“Ah, ok” her heart was beating so fast; she thought he would be able to hear it!
As the two of them walked off together they heard someone say
“Ooh, I wonder what those two are going to get up to”.
They sat down, facing each other except this time, she couldn’t look at him. Something deep down inside of her knew that this was something serious.
“Look, you know I care about you. I care about you a lot. But the thing is, I’m scared I’m falling for you again and we both know that one of us will get hurt. I don’t want to be the one to hurt you and I don’t want you to hurt me.”
She was frozen. She couldn’t talk. She just cried. He tried to embrace her, she couldn’t take it. With a light push, she stormed off back to the beach. She couldn’t believe him. As she walked, music blared into her ears and tears ran down her beautiful face. She walked for kilometres and kilometres. Thumping herself into the sand, she sat and cried while blubbering out angry pop lyrics.
The sobbing stopped her sleeping that night.
She got up at 5:30, went to the bathrooms and bumped into her friends, asking her if she was okay, she simply burst into tears and went, for yet another emotional walk.
He tried reaching out to her that day, smiling at her, staring at her. She kept her eyes hidden by her dark sunglasses and cried more than she smiled that day. The thing that hurt her the most was the way he was looking at every girl the same way he looked at her. What had she even meant to him?
And as the bus drove them further away from the memories they had made, the glass frosted over as she exhaled cool, sweet breath from her parted lips. He knew he had broken her and she knew he had broken her. Despite it being pitch black outside, she continued to wear her glasses, her face was red, blotchy and tear stained.
And so two weeks passed. They were back to being ‘just friends’. Everything was normal. That was until the flirting started again. Sitting deliberately next to her, distracting her, poking and tickling her, doing anything and everything he could possibly think of, just to get her attention. As quickly as the flirting would start, it would stop and as quickly as it would stop, it would start again. With every touch and with every word spoken, the wound in her heart grew bigger.
This was when she realised she loved him. She loved the way his eyes would light up when he spoke about his passions, the way he laughed, the way he touched her, the way he smiled down at her, the way he was sensitive yet playful, the way he lowered his voice to talk to only her, the way he smelt. The thing she loved most about him was the way she didn’t need to be anyone else but herself when she was with him, she was a better person around him. He made her stronger.
She spent her nights thinking about every possible scenario between the two of them and as the final day of school approached, she had it all worked out; at the end of the day she would ask him if they could have a quick chat, she would say “I like you, I know you’re scared but look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the exact same way” and at that moment, they would kiss. Unfortunately, this was merely a shattered illusion. What actually happened was that he simply ignored her all day. The only thought she clung onto was the idea that he was feeling the same way and was just scared to get too close. She told herself that over and over again but deep down she knew it wasn’t true.
She decided to tell him, school was over for the year and she didn’t have many classes with him next year, so she figured she’d be able to avoid him. She kept it simple: “I like you. You probably don’t feel the same but I needed to tell you. Ok bye.”
“I Respect your honesty but I don’t feel the same way. I’m so sorry”.