where should I start, how about his deep beautiful gray eyes , or his smile that makes me happy even on the worst of days, or the way he talks, or his sense of humour, or the stupid way I act around him because of the way he makes me feel inside, or how about the secret that me and him share. the secret we share is a bad dirty secret that no one knows, that no one will find out about, that will die with us. we are not dating. but I really like him. he knows nothing about that. he does not know that I think about him all the time. my brain says he's just a boy. but he's not he is so much more than just a boy. his name is something I will keep a secret. but his initials are S.S.(kind of like social studies, but definitely not . he is not a boring class in a boring school. he's an amazing guy living in a weird world with me.) even though we are not dating. I still have all these feelings for him. but right now he is like an older brother to me. which makes likeing him really weird and awkward. but to him half of the time I'm like a proud mom. because I help him in math and when he gets a problem right he says I look like a proud mother. which makes everything even more weird. so right now our relationship status is awkward. really awkward. but I really want to be more than friends. only one of my friends know how I feel about s.s. let's call her k.p. I would ask him out. but I don't have the balls too. but I really want to. I just can't. I would but it might ruin our friend ship. a few months ago he asked me out and I said no. big mistake. the only reason why I said no was because I was already in a relationship. that relationship ended with him cheating on me. but that's a story for another day. S.S. and I text each other everyday, and we sit together at lunch. we always want to make plans to hang out. but we are always busy. I want to ask him out. but I just can't. I would have my friend ask him out for me. but I don't know if he likes me the way I like him. life is just confusing. no it's only confusing because I choose to make it confusing. I over think everything. I just need to calm down and think. so I tried thinking. I can't think of what to do because all I can think about is him. I wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder if he likes me the same way that I like him. I have been writing , for 3 whole pages, about a guy that might not like me. I have typed enough. and I don't think
this he is ever going to see this, so I'm just going to say this. I like Steven Shay. when I see him I can't help but smile. I can't help but laugh. I can't hide my feelings. I just want him. I final ask K.P. to ask him if he likes me. I'm so scared to find out what he will say. my stomach is in knots right now. K.P. won't tell me what he said. she won't even tell me if he replied to her. I'm so scared to know what he said. he said no. I want to cry. but I knew he was going to say no. a few hours pass. I text him that I like him and then I turn off my phone. after twenty minutes I turn my phone back on and I see that he replied. he said can I ask a question. why? I text him that I'm busy right now. later I text him that I'm not busy anymore. so now I am just waiting for him to text me back. he replied. he asked the same question. I replied with I don't really know. I just do. but I really do know why I like him. I just don't want to tell him. I like him because of his smile, his eyes, his voice, his sense of humour, his personality. I just feel like if I tell him that he will laugh at me. so I asks him out. he keeps ignoring the question and just asks why. he won't date me because of this girl named Olivia. she is his friend and she does not like me, so he believes that he would have to choose between me or her. but I don't care if he hangs out with her. dateing me does not make him any less of her friend. I just want him. I want him to say yes. instead of him just playing with my feelings.
have you ever met a person who u like for no reason. like u really like them, but not like them, love them, and you just can't tell you why you like them. well I have. it sucks.
I can not eat.
I can not sleep.
I can not think of anything but him.
I can not forget this.
I can not stop crying for no reason.
I can not move on.