“Father, forgive me for I have sinned.”
I have never done this before nor did I ever think I would, and it’s been killing me. Digging at my conscience and I knew I had to get it out. Off my chest, free from my heart, and out of my mind. I could feel my body on the brink of exploding, my lungs choking on the words that would give me air to breath. I need to get these words out, I need to confess that last week I—
“What is on your mind, my son?”
“Father, please forgive me, I… I have… I am… I’m a sinner.”
And that’s when the tears came. A flow of shame and self-pity rolled from my eyes as I heard them drip, drip, drip, drip and continue to drip on the church floor.
…..
“David… well, David is the best.
“That’s great Addy, I’m happy to hear that. How have y—
“He does this thing when he stares at me, just as we lock eyes he slowly lets his gaze trail down my neck, and it’s weird because I can feel it. I can feel him piercing my chest, slipping through my ribs and looking through me, I can feel him looking at my heart. And then his eyes run down to my feet, only to follow their path back up for our eyes to meet again.”
A smile stretched across my face as my lips quivered on the verge of laughter,
“Adelaide… it sounds like he’s just checking you out.”
I’ve known Adelaide since she was in middle school. I was finishing up my fourth year at UCLA, working as my mum’s personal assistant in my spare time. At the middle school, my mum was head of counseling and I was just her oldest daughter, bored out of my mind and trying to make a little cash. Adelaide was the first girl that I helped my mother council. She had a smile that masked years of domestic abuse while a web of bronze and blonde calmly rested on her scalp, entangling the sharp screams and muffled cries from years past that still echo to this day. Now five years later her smile is five times more genuine and I’ve secured a position as councilor at her high school.
“Oh God Ms. Gilbert. No, it’s not even like that. David isn’t like other guys, he’s different… David is… he’s… David’s the best…”
…..
When his cries subsided and his head rose to meet me I saw a boy, just shy of a man, more afraid than ashamed and as his tears began to dry, as the tremble in his arms slowed to a halt and as fear became less frightening he spoke to me.
“You see father, I’ve been seeing this girl, Adelaide but lately my life feels like it’s falling apart and I can’t do s*** to stop it. My parents’ are divorced. My best friend, Tommy died sitting in the passenger seat of my car thanks to a drunken stranger. And I have to relive all of this each and every time I see my father with his mistress, Tommy’s mother. The only thing I have is Adelaide… but I’m pretty sure if she knew what I did… if Adelaide knew what I did, she would never speak to me again.”
“What have you done, my son?”
…..
“We’ve been together for about three months and I mean it’s been really good.”
“Are you okay, Addy?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure you just seem something other than okay.”
“I don’t know either, David’s been going through a tough time with his family, so I mean it’s been a bit stressing for both of us… but don’t worry I’m fine..”
…..
I could see the tears begin to form in his eyes again as his body started to shake. He clenched his hand and swallowed a mouthful of shame.
“I cheated on Adelaide.”
A sin I’ve heard many confess; I could see why David was in so much pain. I told him that,
“The lor—”
“Father, please, I know what I’ve done is horrible. But I swear to myself, to you, I swear to God that I will make up for it. One drunken mistake isn’t strong enough to break up what we have. Adelaide is the best thing to ever happen to me and I… Adelaide… I…”
…..
“David is cute and we get along together so well. We’ve been through a lot together and I don’t know what I would do without him, but it’s just that…”
…..
“I love her”
…..
“I don’t love him.”