Damn you. Forever. I can't stand the way you treat me. You aren't mean, I promise you that. You are however oblivious. You secretly loved her while I secretly love you. She told of all your exploits.
My heart was broken.
"He loves me!" She said. I was so happy for her. It wasn't her fault, she would never know. It was yours. Your fault.
You never hinted that you loved her and then you were lost to her as well. Why? I don't know. That made me scared. What if you did that to me?
Damn you. My heart was broken.
Sometimes I look at my heart and see all the tiny pieces you have broken off. Each one has your name written on it. Other boys have broken pieces of me, but never as many as you have.
Other boys will tell me to my face who they are in love with so I may come to terms with the fact that it's not me.
You don't do things like that. Damn you.
I get scared sometimes, because your texts stop coming. You always say you were away and I know you were. That doesn't make it easier.
She still talks about you. I comfort her and tell her to talk to you about it, but she won't. I wish I could.
What would you do if I did?
"Hey," I would say.
"Hey," you reply.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Sure."
"I love you."
I can take the fantasy no further because you do not give me hints.
Damn you. My heart is broken.
You're walking towards me. My heart flutters, but I have learned to ignore that.
"How are you?" You ask.
"Tired," I say in reply. You nod.
"Want a cookie?" You say, pulling one from your lunch bag and sitting down at the table with the rest of our friends.
"Sure, thanks," I reply. You are a good person. I shouldn't damn you. At least not forever.
You break off a piece and hand it to me. I munch on it, returning to my book.
"What are you reading?" You ask.
"Another classic," I reply. You nod. I throw my bookmark in. I look at you. You stare at the floor. You send me mixed signals.
Damn you.
"What do you want from me?"
I blink. You just said that? This isn't real.
"I don't need anything special," I say slowly. I am still in shock. My lies are painful, but necessary to prevent more pain. I hope you can see the panic and hope that is watching from behind my cold eyes.
You look at the floor again, not seeing my hidden feelings.
What would you do if I told you? I am not willing to destroy the little friendship we have. I say nothing.
Damn me.
Over the next few days, you avoid me. I start to feel like I know why. Damn me.
I am so independent, so arrogant. I didn't see you had feelings too. Damn me.
I know you so well. I look at your heart and try to ignore the pieces of it I have broken off. They have my name on them.
Damn me.
I walk up to you and tap you on the shoulder. You look at me with sad eyes. Your heart seems broken.
Damn me.
I look you straight on. You can't look away, not this time. I am scared, but I can't go on feeling like I've hurt you.
"I love you," I say. Your eyes go wide. You breathe faster. I stand there, too scared to say another word.
You keep silently looking me over, as though you think it's one of my jokes. You say nothing, a piece of my heart is being cut off-
"Me too."
All the pieces of my heart are brought back to make a whole that belongs only to you. You take my hand in yours, nervous. I smile at you. You search my eyes and find what you had looked for so many times. Love.
My heart isn't broken. You hold it in your hands, it is fragile and young, but it isn't broken.
I love you. Thank you.