White it is all what I could see. It was so cold, so cold I couldn’t feel my feet. Rain was pelting my face. I could hear the ocean screaming in anger, the massive waves pummeled into the ground so hard I could feel the vibrations on the shore. The salty air engulfed my senses, my lungs felt as though they were on fire. The wind howled along the coast, and I swear I could hear it laughing at me, as if to tell me this was all my fault.
The silence was deafening. Not a single voice could be heard excepted for my own breathing. I couldn’t hear voices, I couldn’t hear screaming, no sounds of pain. It made me question if I was alone on this beach. That was a stupid thought because I knew Christian was with me when we hit the rocks. Oh my god Christian, my little sister, my only sister. Where was she?
I slowly began to flip myself over, the thick wet, jet black sand was a sharp contrast from the stormy pale sky. A sharp pain in my stomach shot through my body and I couldn’t seem to find the strength to stand up. Then I saw her, Christian her eyes were closed and her body lay at an unnatural angle in the wet sand. She looked so tiny and small, almost like she was sleeping. I tried to crawl towards her. Scooping handful of sand after sand trying to inch myself along to get to her body. After several long minutes of struggling I was making no headway at all.
“Christian, Christian,” I tried to yell but my voice was oddly quiet and horse. That was the moment when I began to cry. Not the cute but sort of sad crying in the movies were the tear slowly falls down the actresses cheek and everybody feels so bad because the audience all knows that she’s trying not to cry. No, this was full on wailing and screaming as snot dripped down my nose. With the uncontrollable sobs and quick breaths that soon would make me hyperventilate. This type of crying wasn’t the kind you use when you are sad or lonely or angry. It is the kind of crying when everything fiber of your being is filled with despair, the kind of crying used when you have no hope not even a tiny bit of a last-ditch-effort. It’s the kind of crying when there is nothing left and you only know one thing and that is you are in pain.
***
I was still numb, everything hurt and I was so cold I couldn’t move. My cheeks were tear-stained and I cried so hard I thought I would never be able to create another tear again. Then I heard voices, they were far off but they were there. I started to scream. I screamed at the top of my lungs, the voices were getting louder, then a face appeared above mine. He was young and had short hair, his brown eyes filled with sorrow and panic.
“Are you hurt? Can you move? Can you speak?” He asked. I opened my mouth and tried to speak but an odd squeaking noise came out. So I just shrugged and shook my head. He looked over to the left were I knew Christian and yelled for a stretcher. More voices came over to me, then I felt the group of men gently push my onto a stretcher and lift me up and carry me into the sea, there I was put on a small boat which then drove over to an even bigger boat. They loaded me onto the boat and wheeled me down the hall and entered a small room with a bed in it. The first man to talk to me unstrapped me from the stretcher and gently picked me up and layed me down in the bed. I sat and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like an eternity.
“Hello, Liebling.  Are you doing okay? Is there any pain you’re feeling now,” A thick german accent said to me. I turned my head and saw a small old man standing in the doorway. His hair was short and was snow white, his large round eyes were framed by thin wire rimmed glasses. He was wearing a coast guard uniform, “My name is Adfkdhkj Kodpgjsa, and I am here to take care of you.” Then he reached into his pocket a pulled out a small needle. He actually did have a real name but I wasn’t really paying that much attention because I was too busy looking at the needle in his hands.
“No, please, no needles,” I say but he still comes over to me and gentle sticks it into my arm. Soon everything becomes heavy and I can’t help it but my eyes begin to droop.
***
“Marlow Fitzgerald, Do you understand what this means?” I was looking out the window at a little bird that was sitting on a tree branch.
“Huh,what?” I reply. Judge O’Shaughnessy’s exasperated face made it clear that this meeting was going on for too long.
“Marlow do you understand that you are the newly appointed guardian of Christian Fitzgerald, as well as the sole owner of the entire Fitzgerald Estate until Christian becomes of age and which at that point she will be entitled to her half of the estate. Do I make myself clear.” This time she didn’t ask me if I understood it was more of a statement. So I nod and smile because I know I’ve been a pain in her --- all week. She gets up to leave, “Oh I almost forgot, here this for you also.” Then she hands me a white slip of paper and walks out of the courtroom. I know what it is and my hands began to shake. Of course my parents leave me the Lakehouse, the one place I hate with every fiber of my being. Not to mention it’s right on the water. Water. It had become a newfound enemy for me. At the hospital for the two weeks I’ve been there, along with Christian, I have refused to anything to do with water I hate it. Who could blame me, my parents are dead because of the water. Water is what pushed itself into my mothers lungs when she was ejected out of the boat. Water it what pushed my father into the rocks on the coast. Water is what killed my parents. What is what left Christian and I alone with no family. I hate the water.
A tap on the shoulder from Micheal our lawyer,and also my dad’s firm partner, signals it’s time to leave. His assistant John,helps me collect all of my things. John’s nice but I assume it’s because it’s his job to. I like him, sometimes he comes to the hospital with flowers and such and then he takes Christian and I out to eat. Well by out to eat is he takes us down stairs to the cafeteria and we buy the really crappy pizza there and he talks about how he knew my father from work and how great he was and what an amazing mentor he was. My father liked throwing dinner parties for his work. John would always show up and we would get to talking. He was a bit stuffy and boring and treated me like a child at times when in actuality we were only a year apart in age. But there were some moments when he was actually nice to hang around.
  “Marlow? Are you coming?” John called he was waiting at the courtroom door and I realized that I was still sitting at my seat.
“Yeah, I guess.” I called back to him and quickly get up and head over towards him. I’m a bit embarrassed over how much I had been spacing out recently.
Christian was sitting on the ground in the hall. She looked like a little trying to be a grown up in her nice blazer and skirt. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up off the ground and then we walked out the the car. I was dreading this car ride for days now. Michael  tells us something about how he wishes to drive us to the house but he can’t because of the firm and how much he need to work on a “very important case” and “not to worry I’ll call in a few days”.
Even though I didn’t know for sure that I was going to be entrusted with the lakehouse on some level I had just known. And the knots in my stomach began to grow. Unlike Christian who loved the house and everything that had to do with it. We had to drive from Seattle all the way to Maine, which is where Christian and I would be living now but because of the accident I had a concussion and Christian has a broken foot and the doctors were worried about loss of circulation in her leg and also the altitude could make my concussion worse. So here we were driving in a car with a man we barely knew away from the only life we had.
***
We sat for three hours in silence until it was dusk and we were somewhere in Montana.
“Can we stop for something to eat please?” Christian whined from the back of the car. She was sprawled out taking up the entire back seat, while I sat shotgun with John, “Mar puh-lease I am so hungry. This is the end, I know, I’m gonna die.” With that a flung her arm across her forehead as if she was feeling faint and began to fan herself melodramatically. All the while John began to snicker quietly from the drivers seat.
“Ok honey we’ll look for place to eat and stop as soon as we see somewhere.” I elbowed John for good measure, giving Christian, as with any eight year old, any attention for her antics whatsoever was just fuel to the fire. We drove on until we found a place that looked semi- decent to eat at.
Turns out it only looked semi-decent on the outside. On the inside however was a whole different story. When we walked in the one word that jumped into my mind was grease. It was like a bad flashback to the 70s. The seats were ripped and faded red. I think the walls were supposed to be white but they looked more like tan. It was dingy but it was the last town for miles so we sat down. Our waitress looked about as old as the actual diner. So slowly shuffled along to our table, I was afraid we were never going to get our food, eventually though she made it in world record time.
“So, are you two excited to live at the lakehouse now?” John asked quietly, he obviously felt awkward in the silence. I on the other hand, was hoping to go through this entire trip without speaking as little as possible.
“Well actually I was thinking about selling it.” I replied and to that Christian gasped and dropped her burger back on the plate.
“You, you CAN’T,” She yelled at me.
“Chris stop yelling, you’re making a scene.” Which promptly shut her up for the moment. “You know what we should leave.” I said and dropped a twenty on the table and grabbed my coat. I headed out to the car with John and Christian reluctantly in tow.
I just wanted to drive out to Maine sell the house and sell it and never go back. It was a cruel twist of fate to get a house that would constantly remind me of the boating accident that killed my parents. Not even that but it also made me the legal guardian of Chris, I didn’t want that kind of responsibility I was only eighteen years old. I rested my head on the window and closed my eyes, holding back the tears that wanted so badly to flow down my face. Instead I just pretended to sleep.
When I woke up the car was empty and we were parked on a pull off on the side of the road. To be exact we were pulled off by a grassy hill overlooking a huge lake. The sun was just beginning to rise painting everything in oranges and pinks. I could see Christian and she was sitting on John’s shoulder they were both watching something on the lake. I unbuckled and tentatively began to walk over.
“Where are we?” I asked, John just about jumped out of his skin and quickly set Chris down.
“We’re in North Dakota at Lake Sakakawea,” Christian proudly replied.
“Well we need to get going, I want to get Michigan by tomorrow,” I reply
“Aw, c’mon Mar it’s so pretty can’t we just stay,” Chris begged.
“Fine, but only for a half hour more,” I say and then to John I say, “Not a minute longer.” With that I march back to the car and buckle myself in I was not going to go stand near the lake any longer than I had to.
For fifteen minutes I sat and sulked until a tapping noise startled me, it was John at the window. He motioned for me to roll down the window.
“I think you’ll want to see this.” He said and motioned for me to get out.
“No, thanks I think I can manage right here,” I reply coldly.
“Please just come and see this.” He said and reached down and unlocked the door, then he swung it open and grabbed my arm trying to get me to come out with him. After a bit of resistance I finally gave in and got out to see what could be so important. It was early morning and there was Chris at the bottom of the lake skipping stones and splashing around in the water. She looked so happy I cracked a small smile.
“You’re going to do great.”
“Huh, wha-what do you mean,” I reply startled.
“I mean you’re going to do so great taking care of Christian. You really are.” John tells me.
I laugh and say, “Well you’re the only one who thinks so.”
“No I’m being serious Christian adores you, all she wants to do is be like you.”
With that Christian turns around and gives a big smile and waves at us. I wave back, it reminded me of all the summers we spent at the Lakehouse and I feel a small pang of sadness but I know I can’t keep a house that would just be an empty shell of the family that I used to have. No it would be best to look at the house and see if a local real estate agent is willing on selling it and then leave and start fresh with new lives. We wouldn’t go back to California, no we should move somewhere new, maybe in a place like Colorado or something. But I don’t want to be known as that girl with the dead family. I can’t put Christian through that either.
All of a sudden Christian comes after me with mud in her hands and she launched it into the air.
“Chris, what are you-,” I stop mid sentence as the  mud hits it’s mark right in my face. All I can hear is the cackling of John who’s right behind me. “Oh you think that’s funny don’t you?” I say and take some of the mud off my face and throw it at him. Which turns into a full on mud battle between all of us. All of us laughing so hard and tossing mud at our opponents, I was so caught up in the moment that I actually forgot about what was going on in my life that I felt more happy than I had felt in a long time.
***
We sat in the car with the windows all the way down and the music blasting. The mud was caked all along our clothes and in our hair,but now it had dried into a thick crust. John was singing very badly along with the radio. Christian was giggling at how bad he was and I couldn’t help but smile. We had just entered Minneapolis when we finally found a place that we could shower off at. First we stopped at a Walmart and bought some shampoo and body wash. But I also bought a pair of shorts for me and Chris as well as a tee shirt for the University of Minnesota and a small sweatshirt for Christian.
Then we pulled into the rec center parking lot. We walked in and payed the five dollars to work out but really we just wanted to use the locker room. I gave John a bottle of Shampoo and his new clothes that he bought and Christian and I scurried into the women’s locker room to shower.
“Meet back in ten minutes,” John called right before we walk in. There was one shower in the locker room that wasn’t out of order so I went first and then Christian did because she was “a big girl and wanted to go second.” Once I was changed she shooed me out and told me she could handle herself. So I sat outside the locker room and waited.
“Mind if I sit here?” John asked so I scooted over on the bench and nodded. His hair was usually neatly combed back and I had never seen him wearing anything but a suit or some sort of formal wear. “So...what are you going to do in the fall?” He asked.
“Well, I don’t really know now,” I was startled by this question, I was going to go to college at the end of summer but now I wasn’t so sure anymore I had Chris to worry about and take care of now.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’ve always been so smart,” He said and with that I could feel the heat creeping into my cheeks, “Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“No, you didn’t just no one has ever really complimented me like that,” I say. At school I wasn’t the smartest in my class by far and no one had ever really talked about how smart I was. I looked at him, I really looked at him for the first time. I had never noticed how nice his brown eyes were and I began to lean in and he did too.
“Mar, what are you doing?” Christian demanded. And with that we both sprung back in surprise.
“Nothing we’re not doing anything, c’mon kiddo let's get going again.” I say and reach out my hand.
***
We had been driving for what seemed like an endless amount of time. It had been two days since John and I’s almost kiss at the rec center in Minneapolis. Everything was starting to feel right in my life again. Every time I looked at him I felt flutters in my stomach. I couldn’t help but smile when I was around him. We had talked the night before about John staying with me to help with Christian and he convinced me to not sell the Lake House, at least not until the end of summer when it was time to decide what I was going to do about summer.
We were doing some sightseeing in Boston, including walking down the pier. Christian was running along ahead of me when John slipped his in mine. I was so shocked, but I didn’t let go. He stopped walking and turned towards me.
“Mar, I...” He didn’t finish his trail of thought but just leaned in and I met his lips with mine. I could feel his hands press into the small of my back and it just felt so right, I couldn’t explain how I knew it but I could feel myself falling in love.
“Marlow,” A small and sad voice called to me. I broke away from John and saw Christian with tears in her eyes.
“Chris, I- I can explain.” I say
“I knew it! I knew it! You’re going to stay with John and ruin everything,” I took a step towards her and put my hand on her shoulder, “No! don’t touch me. You liar you said it’d be just us!”  Christian threw off my hand.
“Oh,c’mon Chris Marlow isn’t going to forget about you.” John said and took a step toward her. Which prompted Christian to give a swift kick to John’s shin. Then she took off like a shot and down the boardwalk. I chased after her screaming her name but lost her in the crowd of people. We scoured the entire pier but there was no trace of her.
“Oh,my god! I can’t believe this, how could I have lost her? How could I have lost her?” I said to myself.
“It’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault,” John said and wrapped his arms around me.
“I know, but I just really need to find her.” I say.
“Okay so if we were Christian where would we go?”
“Well, we did come here when she was six one summer and she loved the game we went to at Fenway. We should look there.” I said and broke off into a run towards the stadium. Sure enough Christian was sitting at the steps leading to the stadium. I broke into a run.
“Chris if you ever do that again, I swear to god I will kill you!” I yell and scoop up Chris and give her a big hug. Big fat tears run down my face, “Promise me you’ll never do that again I almost lost you.” I put her down and she runs her arm across her nose and sniffles.
“But, I thought you like John.” She said snivelling. “I heard you talking about him and you staying together what’s going to happen to me?”
“Well...yes...I guess I do...well I think I do. But honey that doesn’t mean that I don’t have enough room in my heart to care for you too. And you would stay with us of course, you silly goose, nothing in this world could make me want to get rid of you,” I say and then tuck a small piece of hair behind her ear. “C’mon let’s go home we can make it there before sundown if we drive fast.” I say and hold out my hand for her to grab. We made our way over to the car and got in, while we were leaving Boston in the rearview mirror. I began to realize that I was driving towards a new life. One that I was hoping would be a good one.
I sat staring at the scenery with one hand in John’s and soon I began to recognize some landmarks and then before I knew it we were pulling up into the driveway of the house.
The house itself wasn’t overly extravagant. It was a simple in size and structure. Made out of wood and painted a boring peachy color. It had one huge window taking up one whole side of the house that looked out on the lake. You could see inside was an old orange couch from the 70s that my mother didn’t have the heart to throw away. Alongside of that was a huge fire place. In the next room was the kitchen with bright yellow walls and blue flowers stenciled along them. There was a small side door that lead open to a dock at the end of the dock was a rocking chair. I can remember my mother sitting in that chair and rocking me to sleep on it.
The minute the car stopped Christian bolted out of it and ran into the last place she knew. I got out slowly and John took my hand and we began to walk with me into the house.
“Last one in the lake is a slow polk,” Christian yelled and kicked off her shoes.
“Oh, no you don’t,” I yell and throw off my own shoes and chase after her bolting through the house with John at my heels. By the time I get to the door that leads to the dock Christian was already at the end. I bolt down the dock and scoop her up, she giggled and yells for John to save her from the horrible monster Marlowisis. Then I throw her into the lake. John then dived in yelling, “I’ll save you princess!”
“You’re still a slow polk,” Chris yells from the lake. She was now cradled in John’s arms
  “Yeah you’re the slowest of the slow,” He calls.
“Oh yeah, I am am I?” I call. In that moment I realized I wasn’t afraid of the water anymore. I was angry and blamed the accident for taking my parents, but I knew then that that was all it was a horrible accident, and I didn’t have to get over it quite yet I just had to get on with it. I take a deep breath and dive into the water and let the water liberate me.