Monday
Rosco’s Café
8:39 p.m.

This is it. I know I have to say something but my lips only quiver; no sound will budge through. My mind is blurry. Tears fall from my cheeks and smear the mascara down my face. I can see my pathetic reflection in the glass windows behind him. This is all too cliché, standing outside the café in the rain.
How dreadful I must seem to him now- he won’t even touch me, but I can’t blame him. Why would you want to comfort the main source of your pain?
I can’t take it anymore, and I blurt it out.
“I love him. I love Alex…” I trail off. I don’t know how else to say it and when I glance up to see the look on his face, the reality has set in and agony distorts his features. He just stands there, looking down at his palms, gripping them into fists. His jaw clenches over and over.
I continue on, somehow becoming more confident in my words. Even though I had run this over in my head a thousand times it all seems clear to me now. It’s funny how stress can suddenly clear your conscience.
“After you left, your brother was there for me, Daniel. You refused to speak to me, you wanted nothing to do with me. I know you were having trouble coping with your… illness… you needed to get help. But in getting that help, you pushed me away.”
It’s then that he finally chokes out in an uncontrollable sob. He drops his car keys, kicks them away from himself, and starts to pace back and forth. He grabs his hair and pulls at it. The rage on Daniel’s face truly begins to frighten me. I have never once seen him so livid. Seeing him like this literally gives me physical pain. The way he looks makes me want to leave and cry alone. I can’t stand watching him.
There are some people I know that would describe Danny as a “beautiful mess”-conversations I overhear from other girls that secretly envy our relationship. But beautiful messes don’t exist; they are simply a misconception. There is no such thing as depression being beautiful, there isn’t anything attractive about a broken person with a severe addiction to cocaine.
I find the courage to speak up finally and my voice sounds horrified and torn. “Please, Daniel. Speak to me. I need to know what you’re thinking.”
“Why him? Of all people it could’ve been, it had to be my brother!” he spats.
The intensity radiating from him makes me jump and step away. Danny’s voice is cloaked in poison. He’s not the same thirteen year old boy I met five years ago. He has lost his battles and has let them get the better of him.
We stand there in the pouring rain, receiving confused looks from a few passerbys. I watch Daniel- alone, hurt. I wish I could tell him everything but this is the only way. Since he was gone for seven months rehabilitating, he will surely believe this lie. Alex and I agreed this was the only way to get Danny to leave town so then he’ll be safe. It’s the only way he’ll be safe from Jason.
          
*** 7 hours earlier ***

            “Hey, Danny- Boy, where’s the little present you promised me?”
            I slowly turn around from my locker to see the one person I really don’t want to see right now. Great. I have to think up something quick. He’ll definitely have his little group of thugs come after me if I don’t give him what he wants.
            “Oh, hey, Jason. Sorry to disappoint but I’m clean out right now. I can get you some by the end of the week?” my voice suddenly becomes small and weak. This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten myself into this situation. I had promised Jason some speedball- injections mixed with cocaine and heroin- a few days ago. Judging by his stance and the two guys standing behind him waiting impatiently, this isn’t a joke. Unfortunately for me, I had been joking when I promised the speedballs. Beads of sweat start to form on my forehead and my palms become clammy.
            “Tell you what, if you don’t have the speedballs to me by Thursday, you and I are going to have a nice little chat. Oh, and my pals will be there too so I recommend you don’t screw up again… Meet us at the skate park Thursday at ten, sharp.” He motions to the two guys behind him.
            I try to say something but they’re already walking away. My mouth hangs open in utter disbelief. What the hell am I going to do? I meant when I said I literally have no more speedball. I grab my keys and leave school through the side door, without signing out. I can’t stay here any longer. When I reach my truck, I text Lily.
          
1:13 Leaving school. Can you meet me tonight at Rosco’s? It’s important that I see you.
            1:15 Sure! What’s going on, Danny? Everything ok?
            1:16 It’s Jason.
          
            I drive home, my whole body shaking uncontrollably. I don’t know how I’ll get the speedball in time and I imagine Jason throwing punches at me, breaking my nose and leaving a black eye. I imagine him kicking me while I lay on the ground, helpless. I imagine him taking out his seven inch pocket knife and stabbing me over and over. I know for sure if I don’t do something he will surely destroy me and not think twice about it. His addiction to cocaine is worse than mine and he’s ended up in the home for juvenile delinquents more times than I can count. He is a force to be reckoned with and I don’t stand a chance against him.
If there’s anyone that will support me right now, it’s Lily. She’s always been there for me, my best friend and girlfriend for five years. I’d like to say we have an inseparable bond except for when I left for rehab. I had become majorly depressed and cocaine was my escape. I had sobered up during the seven months I was gone but once I came back to town, the overwhelming need for it just hit me like a slap in the face. The cocaine has never been something Lily has liked and ever since I came back I think she’s noticed my addiction hasn’t disappeared.
            Sometimes I wish I didn’t leave town seven months ago. I stop to think about it at times and I really think; if I didn’t have an addiction, if I wasn’t always feeling worthless, if I could fix Lily’s shattered heart.