As I lie down on my bed at night;  the only thing I can think about is your smile. How happy you looked, or at least from my perspective. Little did I know that on the inside you were miserable and felt so disconnected from the rest of the world. But, from what? You missed out on so much, yet you lived everyones dream. It saddens me to think that you were unhappy. We were totally different, yet so similar. When you were unhappy I was unhappy, when you cried I cried, when you smiled I smiled, when you sang I sang. In a way, it feels like my fault even though you assure me that it isn’t. When you came into the room you told me that it was time to stop time, to move on, but I am not at all ready to say goodbye. I watch you pack your bags and tell me you will be back soon, that you just need some time. I watch as you leave, I look at the way your arms move side to side, the way your tall figure leans to one side because your bag is heavy.
When you came back you told me that you figured it out, why you were so sad and miserable. I sat there and listened to you, soaking in your every word. When I hear you say those two words you can hear my heart shatter like broken glass. “I’m done.” You kneel to my side and ask if I am okay and all I can manage to say is, “Why?” You tell me that it is all too much, that it has been a good run but it is time to stop. “One more is all I can manage.’’ I stare at you, blank faced, no emotion at all. I cannot process anything. A single tear runs down my face, as you lightly brush it away you tell me that everything is going to be okay. I stand up with wobbly legs and shout “NO, EVERYTHING IS NOT GOING TO BE OKAY!” Tears run down my face as though one is trying to get there before another. My cheeks are a light shade of black from my mascara. I try to run away but you will not let me, you grab my arm turn me around and wrap your long, lanky arms around me and tell me everything will be okay. I tell you that I need to be alone, to soak in this new information.
I release from your tight embrace and run. I keep running until finally my legs are too weak to even move. I sit down and start thinking. “Was there something I could have done differently? Did I not say something? Did I make you feel underappreciated?” As I am thinking out loud, I look up and see bright lights shining at me, so bright that my eyes can only see white. A car slowly comes to a stop and I see someone get out of a car, it’s you. You kneel down next to me and ask me if I am okay. I simply nod my head, still unable to form words. I can feel your strong gaze on me but I cannot stand to return it. In my head I recall all the good times we had.
Like how we first met on the beach. You and some friends were throwing rocks and one hit me and when you ran down and asked if I was okay, I just nodded my head in response confused as to what had just happened. I remember you asking me to walk around the beach and talking till sundown. I remember when a group of our friends went camping and played soccer all night. I remember when we went to dinner and the waiter spilled water and spaghetti on your head and I laughing uncontrollably. I am slapped out of my dream at the sound of my name. You say that is it time to go and I slowly stand from my previous sitting position. The car ride home is a peaceful silence. When we arrive home, I see that you have already packed your bags. You say that it is time for you to go back home. I see you walk out the door one last time. No more seeing your arms move to side to side, no more seeing your body lean to one side because your bag is heavy. And with the closing of a door, it is all over. It is time to get off this roller coaster.