Life is fierce. He had a rough life, a tough life, though he never understood why. Often breaking down in the middle class. He must have remembered something, but what. He was a strange boy, there was no changing that. No amount of medicine could ever make him new again. Zack was his name, yup that’s right short, and stout, 12 year old Zack. You know, the one you taunt everyday. What did he ever do to you? You take the nicest kid and you degrade him, till he is a nobody. That nobody was the nicest nobody. Now he’s the self hating nobody.
Eventually Zack finally met someone who was meant for him. This girl was the happy girl, the one who would always help others out. Her name was Hope, they met in math class on March 17th of 2009, the same day Zack moved to Westington Heights Middle School. Zack sensed she wasn’t fake like the other girls, she wasn’t afraid to show who she really was. Instantly sitting by each other the two realized they were meant to be together, of course Zack had to make the first move, but he didn’t want to seem to desperate. Daily the two sent notes back and forth during class this way everything written would be private. Most of these notes contained Zack’s deepest secrets, some of which his parents never even realized. She knew he had depression, but wanted to get to know him before judging him, for he had been judged his whole life. After knowing him that short amount of time she realized he was calm, gentle, nice, attractive, and saw he wanted to change, but no one helped him in the past. Once Zack felt they knew enough about each other Zack asked Hope to be his girlfriend. Zack said “Hope I met you a month ago today, you know me, I know you, when I am around you I feel all bubbly, and I can’t keep my eyes off of you. I wanted to ask you this since the day I met you Hope will you be my girlfriend.” Hope responded “Zack I know you but I don’t understand why you seem so different.” Zack realized “Hope I’m not perfect no one is everyone did things in their past that they regret. I attempted suicide 3 times but now, I feel better, knowing you. I am different since I am able to own up to my mistakes. I am not perfect, but I am good enough for you.” Upon this Hope replied “I see this in you, however for this relationship to work out you must get counseling while we are dating, if you do this then and only then may we be together.” Shocked Zack remarked “You know I love you Hope, but I went to counseling in the past, and it never helped. I was always the lonely kid who had no friends, then I met you. I know I still have depression, but don’t we all. Hope don’t be like the rest and reject me for what I am, besides you are my therapy.” Upon this tears streamed down Hope’s face, “what’s wrong Hope” She responded “that was the sweetest thing anyone said to me, I realize I have made mistakes in my past as well, and know for a fact we will move past our past, and forward to our future”. With that the couple began to walk away relieved the relationship worked out after all. “Bye Hope see you tomorrow” Hope exclaimed “bye Zack I’ll miss you.” Upon this the couple hugged, parting ways. Zack began traveling home immediately he thought, man if I had the ability to change anything about myself I would expel depression from my life. Immediately glimpses of our conversation pounded in my head reminding me she would rather me receive therapy, besides what if I harm her. The best part about Hope is not being judged by someone, for once I actually have respect for myself. I shouldn’t have to worry about who I am or what I am, but that I am being who I truly am. No one wants to date a picture of someone, but the real person. Finally reaching home my sister Mary approached me, which was strange as I haven’t seen her for 2 years. She said “wow you seem different from the last time I saw you.”  Zack clarified “well seeing as everyone ages I am not surprised.” She interrupted him “No not your looks, but how happy you seem. You almost seem like a new person.” Zack explained “well there’s this girl, her name is Hope. Instantly I felt like I knew her, she was so nice, and so genuine, oh and pretty too. Daily we talked, getting to know each other on a deeper level. Finally we went out for the first time today.” Startled she responded: “Zack make sure you treat her right as you may only have one shot with this girl. I know how you can be, just that fact alone scares me. I have had many relationships so far, and most, of course ended with violence, or the inability to trust the other.” Zack responded: “Well Mary, I know I have the right girl, she supports me, of course she already knows how I was in my past, but she isn’t going to judge me based on my past. Obviously I know I need some help some way, but I just can’t get past what the last therapist said to us.” Mary responds: “well this is the point where you measure how much you love Hope, do you see yourself marrying her someday, because if so you should be willing to do anything to further your chances with her.” Immediately I remarked “she means the world to me, so the only option, I guess is therapy. Mary will you take me now?” Mary exclaimed: “of course I will, you are my little brother after all.” We venture out to visit a therapist that my sister trusts, a friend from college who has a relative referred to as Mark. When we arrive at his house while shutting the car doors the front door creaks open. “Hello who are you, and why have you come here.” “ I am Mary, I know your friend Cory I have came here to see if you could help my brother through his depression.” “Alright come on in so what has been bothering you Zack?” “Well, my mom died 5 years ago, and when that happened i began to become suicidal. I didn’t know what to do, she was there then in the blink of an eye she died and I have never been able to cope with the last words I said to her.” “What were the last words you said to her” “I hope you die you’re a horrible person.” “Why would you say such things to your mom. You know she was one of the few people who would ever love you.” “Well she told me I couldn’t go to my friend’s birthday party, and instead had to clean my room. But looking back on that I realize he was never my friend he was always making fun of me but I didn’t see it due to the fact that he was my only friend” “How did your mom die” “well I said that, then she was on her way to work and got into an accident since she was thinking about what I said. This event caused me to attempt suicide I couldn’t bear the fact that I practically killed my own mom, but like every other time I failed, if I succeeded I never would have met the love of my life Hope.” “Why do you feel you love Hope?” “Well when I transferred to Westington Heights on March 17th I never had friends. I never even wanted to meet anyone they were all fake. Then finally my heart skipped a beat at the sight of Hope. Hope was pretty, smart, caring, genuine, and wanted to get to know me for who I really am.” (short awkward pause of silence” “Zack have you ever harmed Hope at all to this point.” “No, I constantly remind myself what my sister Mary said which was “you only have one shot with Hope, the moment you become abusive towards her is the instant your relationship will tumble downhill.” Nodding in confirmation Mark boldly stated “well Zack the solution is simple all you have to do is move past the guilt of you practically killing your mom. We all have said things to our parents we wish we did not say. At some point everyone said they wish their parents were dead. Regardless Zack at the age of twelve your mind is not fully developed, and you never understood the extent of what you said. Zack the time has come to pardon this from your life, you obviously cannot keep living like this. Honestly Zack what happens when you settle down, have kids, and become abusive to them, you cannot say or do anything to restore that trust.” “I never thought about it that way I was only a kid I meant nothing by that. Obviously I would like to be healed from my depression, how will you help me.” “Well Zack you can either choose these pills that will boost your mood and lessen your depression for ten years, or you can choose the mystery box, which will it be.” “Well, I guess I will take the mystery box.” The therapist hands over the mystery box, Zack opens it whoosh Zack shouts: “that’s odd this is a fortune cookie.” Mark immediately remarks: “not just any fortune cookie a magic fortune cookie, be careful what you write as you only get one shot.” “Thanks for everything Mark, come on Mary we are good now.” “Zack one more thing there is a serious side effect which comes along with it.” We venture out heading home. The car ride was awkward, more awkward than normal, which was odd. “Mary are you ok” “yes Zack I’m fine, I just don’t understand how everything turns out in my favor. I mean you always seem to have bad luck with your last words to our mom, with failing suicide and having permanent scars, and now the side effect to the fortune cookie.” Zack responds “yeah, that is what I don’t understand either, but everything will be just fine now.” We arrive at our house, pulling into our driveway in our beat red car we get out and head inside. “Well, I guess it’s time to write my fortune.” “Yeah I suppose so.” Pulling out the piece of paper slow and steady I remember his words, I begin trembling, thoughts dashing through my head, but then I remember I will become what I am not now. Popular. Successful. Happy. Motivated. Rapidly I begin formulating the sentence, my hand begins to move at a brisk pace reflecting exactly what my thoughts declare. Therefore I wrote: my only hope would be for depression to cease to be present in my life, so I can live a long and happy life with my girlfriend, I lift my pencil. Whoosh, bang, bam, boom, clunk, thump, the side effect occurred, instantly revealing itself, I didn’t feel any different, so what exactly changed. Immediately I approach the mirror it appears I aged 5 years, in addition to being a 220 pound built 5 ft 8 in male, and looking ugly, so gross looking I would rather have gone blind. Mary sees me “Well Zack at least you will never have depression again.” “That’s true, well Mary thanks for taking me to the therapist I’m going to go to bed now goodnight.” “Goodnight Zack.” I awake the next morning and get ready for school, not one person recognized me, no one person said a thing, I was hulk to those scrawny, puny, fake punks. Then Math class came along, where Hope was my breath was taken away she was as gorgeous as ever. As I went to sit down next to her she said “hello welcome to math class.” “Don’t you remember me.” “No, who are you.” “I’m your boyfriend Zack, of course you remember me.” “You aren’t Zack, you’re just saying that to get with me, you wish you were Zack, actually you don’t.” “Hope why do you not believe me.” She interrupted him “Zack died in a house fire last night. I miss him so much, but he is gone and I need to let go.” Crushed I gather my books walk out of class, and go home. Everything I ever knew and loved was in that room, now it is the past. I cry myself to sleep.