I love you. I don't use those words lightly, either. 

Unlike some people I know - *cough* *cough*, my friend Leeanne (yes, spellcheck, I know it's spelt unusually).  Leeanne is just one of those people who don't show any sign of even beginning to understand the meaning of love, and yet persists in using. More recently, her newest boyfriend broke up with her and I had to deal with her crying and the "I loved him with all of my heart". I just don't understand why it affected her so much, seeing as how the only thing that she did when she was with him was complain about him ("he's fat", "he's controlling", "he doesn't trust me"). Don't get me wrong, I love Leeanne to pieces but she can be such a pain.

Whilst she was in her "relationship", she even had a crush on another guy. I know that sometimes people in relationships can get harmless little crushes every now and then but Leeanne really took it to the extremes. She dared him to kiss her (he wouldn't), she asked him if he would go out with her (he didn't). Despite all of his very subtle rejections, she was still determined that - once they were both out of school - they would be together. Half the time, it seemed like Leeanne had forgotten that she had a boyfriend.  

I enjoy my days out with Leeanne but then we go off in talking about boys; ones that she knows and I don't, of course. I also enjoy my days with Leeanne when it is just me and Leeanne. Recently, she only wants to meet up with me so we can practically double with two of her old friends/ex-boyfriends. One time, Leeanne and I were walking behind Aaron and Tyler and she just kept asking me which one I wanted. I didn't want either of them. I'm not as relationship-orientated as she is. Leeanne just doesn't really understand the fact that I'm not interested in a relationship, though. She wanted Aaron (whilst she was not single) so she kept telling Tyler that I liked him and she kept sending him over to talk to me. 

I gave her my honest opinion of her, as nicely as I could. I reminded her that, in the three years I have known her, she has probably been single for a few months (not all at once). I told her how I felt she should try being single and she "agreed" with me. I honestly just feel as if she defines herself by her relationships and needs some time to work out who she is minus the boyfriends. We both made little promises not to get into any kind of relationship before Christmas. I'm still going. She lasted, roughly, three and a half hours. 

The whole three and a half hours thing, wasn't even the worst part. She decided that she "had feelings for Tyler" and he "had feelings for her" (even though he always used to complain about her to me). They decided to start a "relationship" (despite Leeanne's crush on his best friend).  

She takes boys for granted. But, when they go up to her, they kind of sign up for that. She always asks me why boys never treat her with any respect, and I dutifully say that I don't know. Secretly, I'm thinking, how can they have respect for you, when you don't even have respect for yourself?

She stresses me out. I cannot keep up with all of her relationships. 

My relationship status is terminally set at single. I can't really complain. I'm happy being single even if there is one guy I would like to be with. He's nice, sweet, cute, smart enough. I've also known him for three years, although I have to say that our conversing is a more recent development. I've had a few other silly crushes before but nothing like this. Which is why I need to get out of it. 

Despite our conversations, I don't know him well enough to go out with him. Plus he wouldn't feel the same way, anyway. The more I talk to him, the more I like him. The more I see him, the crazier I get. I've witnessed how bad crushes can get (how, when a person's crush find out, they can be arrogant and cruel. I've seen my friend's crush turn from infatuation to hate). Hate, which stemmed from a broken heart. 

My luck is about as bad as my crush.

I'm not even sure if you would call it a crush anymore. It has definitely surpassed the length of a usual crush. And probably the amount of emotions and crying involved, as well. It makes me wonder how I would act in a relationship. 

I tried to stop daydreaming about him. But, without daydreaming, it was difficult to sleep. After one sleepless night, I completely stopped. 

I tried to stop talking about him. For a while, I succeeded. My friends didn't mention him and, despite a few close-calls, I hadn't either. Eventually, my little brother asked about him. I brought that conversation to a quick, screeching halt but I had said a few words about him (out loud). 

I tried avoiding him; everyone and every website said this will help. It was going pretty well, I hadn't seen him and I thought I was improving. Once swift look out of my bedroom window, on the second day, told me that I was wrong. He was walking by, looked as good as always. Every word, every look came back to me, as I stood there staring. I did go back to my avoiding though, seeing as how it was probably only a one-off. 

Two days after that, I looked out my window to see if my dad was home from work yet and there he was. I didn't see his face very well but I knew that shirt and hair well enough to know that it was him - I made some kind of useful dive back down to the floor. It's like there is no escape. I am, apparently, going to see you every two days. After I see you, I am subject to hours of moping and writing about you. Even my friends know that this has became ridiculous. 

It has reached the point where I am overcome with jealousy and irrational anger whenever I see him with another girl. There are moments when I would rather see him unhappy than see him with another girl. 

I know that's not right. I know that's not fair. I do want him to be happy. Even if that's not with me. 

I love you. I'm trying to get over you.