During the day I am the perfect image of happiness. A smile adorns my face. A wide grin, laughter is always rolling off my tongue. I pretend to be free, warm, without any worries. Not until my head hits the pillow and I clutch the sheets.  I remember the feeling, I could feel the beads of sweat running down my back, the feeling of sweating this profusely. The pain and pleasure the feeling in my muscles that won't ever be the same again. And I remember you. My world crashes, my heart has been cut open, setting my emotions free, my face crumbles and my strong wall comes falling down. This is the real me. I don't have control over myself or you. You would have stayed wouldn't you? But I couldn't say those three words. I love you.