Beneficiaries of Chance | Teen Ink

Beneficiaries of Chance

March 13, 2016
By Anonymous

“There’s a phrase for what you’re doing--”
“I don’t want to hear it, Radomir-”
“It’s called cradle robbing,” Radomir spat. Across from him stood Sevil: twig-thin and short, neither man or woman, holding their lip in a protruding pout and fists at their sides.
“This is not ‘cradle robbing’,” they scoffed. “She’s twenty, she’s an adult-” 
“Hardly,” Radomir leaned forward, easing the muscles of his mouth until they twitched. “She’s a girl, Sev. Leave her alone.”
Spread wide on an olive face and tilted like a cat’s, Sevil’s eyes dropped to slits. “ Don’t you have an ex-wife to be complaining about or something? What about your son--”
“Come to think of it, he’s about as old as her. I’ll have to warn him of you, apparently this is your type.”
“That would involve actually talking to him.” Sevil drew their arms back into a fold at their chest. Radomir set his teeth in a line, counting breaths and heartbeats.
“Sev-”
“You wouldn’t say anything if she was your age.”
In the back of his jaw, Radomir’s molars threaten to crack. “You and I are adults, even if you don’t act like one.”
A grin split Sevil’s face, sharp enough to be from the lips of a fox. “Come on, don’t tell me you’re jealous, old man.”
“Sevil,” Radomir trembled with restraint, “please, as your friend, believe me when I say she needs a few years to grow up. You need it, too.”
“Well, you know what I think?”
Tongue running over his cuspids, Radomir narrowed his eyes. “I can guess, but neither of us would like it.”
“I think you should meet her. ”
--
“This is Kat.”
Sevil had her placed under their arm, shoulder pressed to their ribs and fidgeting fingers coming too close to their hips. Across from them, Radomir stood still, arms folded, looking her over.
Palpitations started in Sevil’s heart, much to their dismay.
Admittedly, she did look young, all knees and elbows and ribs, the whole of her body wound like a coil of copper wire, no higher than Sevil’s brow. Fox brown, her hair was tied back and thrown over her shoulder, lost pieces dangling behind her ears. Aluminum circled each pupil, wide and bright.
“Run while you still can,”posture slipping, Radomir sighed.
Kat huffed, white appearing where her lips, glistening with balm, curled. “Nice to meet you, too.”

--
“You should leave them, focus on your studies. At least, for a bit.” 
When Sevil became swallowed by their own work, Kat took Radomir to the university library with her.
“A bit?” Kat shifted her weight to her other foot, adjusting books in her grip, defining a stare she held for Radomir. “What’s ‘a bit’ to you?”
“Well-”
“Is this about me not being able to handle myself?” She turned on her heel, rigging a grin with caution. “You’d get on well with my parents.”
Coddled in her breastbone, a spark of warmth stirred at the sight of Radomir wrangling a smile, easing to the side of her. “I’m sure they remember being twenty and not being able to control anything.”
Swinging a step forward to terminate the gap, Kat dipped into the ball of her foot and tightened her hold; Radomir dropped his expression before slipping into a grimace at the loss of space. “And you?”
“Me?” Radomir gave a hollow laugh of a single note. “I’d undo everything I did if I could. Right up until I was … What’s Sevil now? Twenty-seven?”
“Twenty-eight.”
There was a pause, the crack of knuckles. Bear-like, Radomir grimaced. “Somewhere around there. You’re still growing up, believe it or not.”
Kat took her step back. “No, I believe it. But then, this has to be a part of growing up, too.”
Bronze brows knotting, thick arms folding,  Radomir’s breath caught like a snare drum between his teeth, traces of an old, deep accent coming through. “You have no idea what you’re getting into-”
“Did Sevil tell you to say this?” Kat fell to her heels, neck craning back to meet the hazel glare he bore for her.
The stare melted, his lids came down to half-mast. “I wish they did, it would’ve made this easier.”
--
While Kat left herself bare, Sevil was knotted in sheets like a noose. Out of the corner of a cracked eye, they watched her toss her body back and forth, restless, a beating on the mattress.
Her hand reached for them; Sevil batted it away.
“Go to sleep, I have an early class tomorrow.”
Kat’s fingers brushed their arm regardless. “Lame.”
--
Sweat pooling in the cusps between each finger, drawing thin lines down the paths of Sevil’s veins, they knocked once at Radomir’s door, then twice. It fell back and Sevil tripped forward, dragging snow and dirt with them.
Radomir stepped back and inhaled, ready to speak; Sevil beat him to it.
“You were right,” stumbling upwards, every word rang like it was plucked on a thin cord in the back of Sevil’s throat. “You were right, I--I screwed up so badly, Radomir- Radomir, you don’t know-”
“What happened?”
“Kat, she--”
“What did you do?”
In the corner of their lips, Sevil found the taste of waxy balm, wet and bitter. Their heart slowed, the words carried by a rush of air. “She left.”
“You?” Radomir slipped from fury to anxiety, but it showed as relief on his face, leaving the creases and dents set deep into his skin to ease. “We all knew this would happen eventually-”
“No, not me!” Sevil snapped. "Her family- she- they- they told her to end it with me. I was an unhealthy influence, or hopeless, or, or something, I don't know, but-"
“Sevil.”
Like a still-living body weighed down, Sevil’s heart sank, sank and anchored itself in their gut. “She’s done. They’re done, probably going to disown her-”
“Over you?” Radomir sank into the door frame, massaging his eye with the heel of his palm. “I have a hard time believing it.”
“I don’t care if you believe it or not, that’s what happened,” Nails biting into skin and abrased by the heel of their hand, Sevil rubbed their neck and shoulder raw. Radomir c***ed a brow. “What?”
“I think you’re overreacting.”
Jaw hanging, Sevil’s tongue went dry. “Are you- are you being serious? You were the one that was worried about her.”
Radomir shook his head, taking a step forward. “Look, Sev, she’s a young, mouthy woman. She got into a fight with her parents, and this is going to blow over. She’ll have a family to go back to when,” he waved a hand, yawning, “whatever you two have dissolves.”
--
Snow drained and left exposed grass a hue of tilleul, and it became taboo to mention Kat’s parents. As tulips and crocus came into their full growth, Radomir hardly remembered Kat even had a family to begin with.
Rather frequently, the pair found their way to Radomir’s apartment for breakfast, sometimes dinner. Never lunch, with hair misplaced and buttons undone, they were far too busy for lunch.
“The aphelion is the point farthest from the sun, and the perihelion, conversely-”
“Stop, it’s too early for this, I don’t care.” Over the edge of his mug, past the break in his nose, Radomir saw Kat shove a stack of papers back into Sevil’s hands. “Not even a little bit.”
Sevil’s plate, empty save for crumbs, took the brunt of the papers’ weight. “C’mon, this is fascinating- Radomir, isn’t this fascinating?”
Radomir sipped his tea, biting the inside of his cheeks. “Very.” 
Kat batted her hand, a glare rolling through the line of her eyelashes. “Yeah, and I should read you my textbook on thermodynamics. Fascinating.”
Fluid caught itself in Radomir’s throat while Sevil thumbed through the stack. “It could be.”
--
“When did you know that your wife loved you?”
“Not once did she ever tell me she loved me.”
“How did you know you loved her?”
“I know where this is going, Sev.”
--
Kat finished the year, her second, and Sevil their second to last. Though suffocatingly small, Kat wormed her way into Sevil’s apartment a street away from Radomir’s, piece by piece, and the weeks of freedom were stolen by odd jobs, humid days, and drinking.
In the decline of the season, they bought a bottle of anise liquor. 
Sitting across from each other on their mattress, Sevil took the top off and then first swig. They held the heady saccharine taste in their mouth for a second, then two, before passing it off to Kat.
Kat knocked it back and recoiled faster than she could swallow. Sevil reached for it, and Kat pushed it behind herself. “That’s disgusting.”
Sevil scoffed, smirking behind fingers brought up to his mouth. “Come on, I spent good money on that.”
“List the rest of your regrets off while you’re at it,” Kat dragged her teeth over her tongue.
Sevil grabbed the bottle and took another hit. “You first.”
“Shut up,” Kat wiped her mouth, the heel of her hand halfway across her lips as they started to curve. “I don’t have any.”
Sevil brought a knee up to their chest, draping an arm over it. “How could I forget.”
--
In the opening of winter, there was a slam and hard lock of Radomir’s door. Muffled pleas bleeding through, drowned by a storm of footsteps.
Radomir hung over his sink and while Kat made her way to his right.
“This is a little much, don’t you think?” With a razor to his jaw, Radomir didn’t even watch Kat’s reflection as she hung in the doorway.
Arms folded, she huffed. “It’s enough.”
Radomir flicked his stare to her and slipped his grip, nicking the side of his face. Kat moved
forward in a jerk, but Radomir waved a hand and she froze once more.
“If you insist.”
  Her eyes dropped. “Sorry.”
Radomir shook his head, then started shearing away blunt hairs again. “Can I ask what this is about?”
Kat’s chest expanded with a heavy breath. “Okay, so--”
“Would you leave them over it?”
She blinked. “No, but--”
“Then it isn’t worth fighting about,” Radomir brought a handful of water to his face, shivering at the shock before grabbing a towel drying himself in a single motion. Droplets falling from his chin, he moved to exit while Kat kept herself rigid in the doorway, quaking at her joints.
Radomir sighed, and gently moved her body to the left of him. “I’ll give you ten minutes to pout, and then I’m letting them in. The worst is over, whatever happened can’t be that bad. You two will forget this soon enough.”
“You’re one to talk.”
--
“Do you think you’ll be much longer?”
“Sorry, this is- this is a lot, yeah, I’m going to be a while.”
“I can wait for you, it’s fine.”
“You have an exam tomorrow, go home. Sleep. I’ll walk.”
“Are you sure?”
Sevil nodded.
“See you tomorrow, I love you.”
“Mm.”
--
“Give me that, I’m not nearly drunk enough.”
The funeral service had been short and swift.
“No, we’re done, you can barely sit upright.”
The days leading up to it had been short and swift.  The hours before had been short and swift. Even the hours after were slipping away, short. Swift.
“I’ve nothing left to lose, hand it over.”
The paramedics told Kat that the way Sevil had been hit, the snap of their neck had been short and swift.
“Here,” shoving the bottle Kat’s way, Radomir was not spared red eyes and trembling wrists, even for his bulk and age. “Just-”
  “Whatever.” It’s heady, it’s saccharine, but Kat knocks back another swig like a punch. She’s numb for another second, but it’s over too soon and too late to undo. Fluid spilled over her lips, and she let bottle sit between them.
Then, she spat. “I can’t believe I did this.”
--
“Have you talked to your parents yet?”
Weeks later, Kat’s twenty-second birthday came and went, spent on Sevil’s couch.
“Hah! Has your son talked to you?” 
Weeks later, it still aches to move and breath, even if not as acutely; a vivid, widespread bruise rather than a set of rotting teeth. 
Radomir flinched, but Kat knew she was picking at an old wound; his stare never gave way, hardened by a long-suffering patience. “I know it’s hard, but you should, there’s--”
“What? No reason for me to stay? There’s no reason for me to leave, either,” she gave a dry laugh from the back of her throat, spending a moment upright. “Radomir, I can’t go back again. Not now.”
Radomir dropped his head, then his voice. “I think your parents would want to forgive you, if you made the first move.”
“I...”
“Can you try? Please,” words tripped over each other, “this isn’t as bad as you think-- they still love you, I promise.”
Kat slid her legs down and sank back into the couch, hand knotted at her temple with strands of red. “What would I even say? I can admit I was wrong, I always knew this was wrong, but,” her voice caught in throat. “Sevil had to die to make me consider owning up to this. I don’t know if I can make here more people tell me about how Sevil should have known better.”
“They should have,” The words swelled to a crack, leaving a spill of emotion and age, that old, old accent under it all. “They could have done better.”
  “But Sevil didn’t, ” blood fell through her legs in a rush as she stood, swinging on her heel to face him, bronze, bearlike, lounging but far from languid. “And neither did I.” 



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