Summer was in the air. Little birds chirped and honey bees danced over the prettiest flowers. A young girl bounced down the sidewalk carrying that fluff of white she called a dog. Her brown curls sprang up and down while the sun created a comforting warmth. Santa Clara was the place to be during the summer. Everyone made the trip to the beaches so the only people in Santa Clara, were the smart ones who knew the streets wouldn’t be crowded and the ice cream shop on the corner gave out free ice cream cones, any flavor. That smart girl with the curls, that’s me, Cara. This very day, was the day my life would change forever.
My mother was walking with me, hand in hand, as I toddled down the sidewalk. We were almost home when we noticed a moving van speeding away. I glanced up at my mother and she gave me a reassuring look. This meant that someone was moving in next to us, in a smaller house that was perfect for smaller families with smaller children. My mother, being the generous woman she is, looked down at me.
“Let’s go bake some cookies and when dad gets home, we can take them over to to the new neighbors.” I was positively ecstatic. This could mean a new friend for me. I hadn’t had one, a good one, since the family that used to live next door, moved out. I bursted through the door and almost immediately started baking with my mother.
After my father got home, we told him about the new neighbors and taking them cookies. He agreed and we began to make our way to the neighbors. When we hit the top step, I looked at my parents and they nodded telling me that it was okay for me to ring the doorbell. I stretched as far as I could before my dad lifted me to reach it and I pushed it. The bell rang throughout the house. I heard a voice and then footsteps padding towards the door. The knob turned and a blond woman stood in the doorway. As she opened the door farther, I could see boxes lining the walls. My mother looked at her and piped up in her always cheery voice.
“We saw you moving in earlier and wanted to introduce ourselves. I am Synthia, this is my husband Steven, and this is our daughter Cara. We brought you these.” My mother’s eyes were bright as she handed the plate to the woman at the door. The woman looked at her with an expression closely matching my mom’s.
“I am Talyia. My husband, Rick, is at work right now but he should be home in a few minutes. Please, come in and we can talk.” She looked down at me. “I can even call Jessie down here and you two can go up to his room and play. I think he’s just about your age now.”
“I’m five!” I said in a bubbly voice so that she knew I wasn’t going to play with any babies. She glanced in my direction and then that of my mother’s. She picked her head up and laughed in a bright manner. Then, she called up the stairs for “Jesse.” I hoped this Jesse guy was nice. I hoped he was easy to play with and that he didn’t want to control everything. Then I saw him at the top of the stairs. He had just started descending and I already loved him. He had brown hair that waved in a perfect slope and chocolate brown eyes. He was a bit taller than I was but his legs were really long. By the time he hit the bottom stair, I had made the decision that this was the boy I was going to love for the rest of my life.
“Hi. I’m Jesse. I am six years old.” His eyes were even prettier up close. “What’s your name?” I looked up at his perfectly rounded face. He was beautiful.
“Cara. I am five.”
“Well, Cara, I like your name. Do you wanna go play a game in my room?”
I knew this was my chance to make him love me. “Yeah! Let’s go.”
We went upstairs and played for hours. When my mother had called me down so we could go home, I really didn’t want to. We had already had so much fun in just the few hours we had spent together. I never wanted it to end.
The next day, he came to my house. We played outside and spent all the time we possibly could. We chased each other and rolled down a little hill in the back yard. We were already the best of friends. When we were forced to come inside, I lead him upstairs and we played a board game. This routine happened for days, weeks, then months. After 6 months, we were almost inseparable. The school year started, and we were seperated for the 8 hours in the day. Then, we would ride the bus home, get off together, and walk home. That’s when we would play for hours on end. It didn’t matter what type of weather we had. Everything from snow and rain was suitable to play in. I was in love with the idea that I had a friend I was so close with.
A year after we first met, we were playing in my backyard. I looked at him and he looked back with those eyes that could make anyone melt. I knew what I wanted and the only reason I did was because I saw it in a movie.
“I dare you to kiss me.” He looked at me and he leaned in. I knew as soon as I said it what I would do. I spun on one foot and ran as fast as I could. He chased me until we were both so tired we could hardly move. Day after day, it was the same thing. He would chase me and I would run. It was a perfect relationship and I loved everything about it. Then, in the blink of an eye, my life changed yet again.
“We need to move. Your dad just lost his job and moving away would be a lot cheaper. I really am sorry.” My mother looked like she didn’t even care that she was ripping me away from my best friend. She was asking me to give up my whole life. I could have hated her for it. The only thing that killed me worse than moving away from him was the fact that I had to tell him. I would miss him like no other.
A month later, we moved. We moved to a small town in eastern Colorado. I couldn’t tell you that I was thrilled, but it seemed like a quaint place. There were three little schools just northeast of my house. That’s where I would be attending school in August. They started school almost a month after I used to. My family pulled up in the drive of our house and I realized that we were almost literally in the middle of nowhere. The house was a dark tan color and had a red trim. It was almost half the size of our old house. There was no upstairs and no downstairs. Every room was almost connected. I could stand in the front room, and see every room, except one. I hated it so much. Then, I began to think of all the fun times I spent with Jessie and how much time we spent outside. There would no more going outside and letting him chase me. There would be no more “we.”
The time went by so slow. I still called him once every week and we talked until my mother said otherwise. I loved these calls, but it was nothing like actually being with him. I couldn’t feel his presence and I couldn’t see his face light up.
Years passed and summer came, little did I know, I was in for the surprise of my life. I came home on the last day of school and mother was standing at the door with a blanket on top of the couch. I could tell that there was something underneath the blanket, but I couldn’t quite tell what. She looked at me and smiled as she pulled a blanket off and revealed three suitcases that were already packed. One of them had a sticker on it that I had gotten years before that said “Santa Clara Bound.” I jumped for joy when I realized that she meant we were going to see Jesse and his family. I was overjoyed as she explained that we were leaving in the morning.
The next morning, I was up and ready to go in a matter of seconds. We left for the airport and were landed at LAX by noon. His parents were there to pick us up when we got there. Then, I saw him. He had grown so much in just a few years. He was taller, and his hair no longer bounced around in various waves, but instead, they were combed over into a beautiful layer off the right side. He didn’t look like the little kid that would sit in mud puddles. He looked like an adult. After all, he was 16. He looked great. This time, I felt something more than just a love for my best friend. It was more like a desire to always be near him and to feel his embrace as my own. My heart beat at a steady pace until I heard him speak.
“Hi, Cara. It’s nice to see you again. I missed you so much.” His voice was deep but still let on a delicate tone. It almost sounded like a sweet, milk chocolate was falling out of his mouth.
“Hey, Jesse. I missed you, too.” He walked up and wrapped me in his arms and laid his head on top of mine. He was the simple image of perfection. I adored him so. His arms slid down and he dropped them to his side. I was, in the simplest terms, in love, but he couldn’t know that.
We spent half of that summer together. On the last day we were to spend together, he looked at me. We were sitting on an old concrete wall that his brother had built before he moved for college. The sun was shining on his cheeks and making them a rosy pink color. He seemed to be reminiscing about something.
“Do you remember… when we used to run around the yard? When you…”
“I dared you to kiss me. I remember. There’s not a day that I haven’t thought about it.”
He looked at me with the big grin that stretched from ear to ear and stood up. He placed his hand my shoulder and in his best impression of my old, childish voice, he yelled “I dare you to kiss me.”
I stood and giggled as he pranced through the yard. His legs were much longer than mine so he was basically walking as I ran at least 20 feet behind him. After a run around the yard about 50 times, I lost track of him. I didn’t see him anymore. He must have ran into the little area between his house and the left side of the fence. I shuffled over there and peeked around the corner of the tan house and saw nothing. It didn’t even look like someone had been in general area in over 100 years. Just then I felt a hand fall onto my waist and another hand fall on the opposite side of my waist. Then two soft wisps of air touched my cheek before a pair of delicate lips fell onto my left cheek. I spun around and Jesse stood there looking like an angel. How his eyes sparkled in the setting sun as he brushed his lips across my ear and whispered “I missed you so much that I began to love you. I don’t know how you feel but I really do care for you. I know you are leaving to go back to Colorado. Still, I had to show you just how much I love you, just once.” I was intrigued. He pulled his lips away from my ear but still held my waist in his hands. I felt so small and frail. It was like I was going to break into a million pieces and he’d never be able to put me back together again. I would never feel like this again. He was the only one that could make the world seem like just a small piece in a larger system. Gravity no longer held my feet to the ground, it was him. Life at that moment was perfect. That is, until I remembered that I was set to go back to Colorado. He pulled me a little tighter as I let out a slight sniffle and then broke into a full sob. When I had collected my thoughts and was able to move away from his embrace, his t-shirt had black stains from my makeup and looked like a glass of water was dumped on his shoulder. He looked down at me and noticed I was focused on what I had done. He shook his head and grabbed my hand as he lead me in the house to finish packing.
He picked up my pillow and placed it on top of my suitcase. I was packed and ready to leave, or at least my stuff was. I was still dead set on staying with Jesse. We had even talked to his mother and asked if I could live with them, to no avail. I was doomed to live without him until semester break back home. Then I could visit him. My visit would be no longer than two weeks. How was that fair? I would spend two weeks with Jesse throughout the whole year. That was no way to live, but it would have to be my reality.
My father pulled the car into the long driveway of my house. The house had never looked so bleak. The sun was shining and there was a beautiful array of green grass on the ground and the cherry blossom tree was flurried with pink. It was honestly awe inspiring, if you had never seen Jesse.  I was beyond under the weather. I had my own personal storm cloud hovering over my head. But the worst part was, I couldn’t describe how I was feeling. It wasn’t really a sadness of loneliness. It was something more like an emptiness. There was nothing inside my body that made me function. I was a hollow body. I was just there.
It was weeks before the empty feeling went away. Then, the feeling slowly started to diminish and make me feel like I was more than just a void. School started about a week after I felt better. I praised the lord that I didn’t go to school my first day of my Junior year and look like walking the world was like walking across a pile of nails (point up) that were placed on top of hot coals. I was back with my friends and it honestly made me feel better a lot quicker. They were always there making jokes and supporting everything I wanted. It looked like Junior year without Jesse wasn’t going to be that bad after all.
Second semester started at school. The first half of the year turned out just like I had hoped and Christmas was a blast because Jesse came to Colorado for a week. I pleaded that the new year would be just as great. Little did I know, my life was about to take a sharp left turn towards the worst.
The roads in Colorado were icy and snow was falling in Santa Clara. It wasn’t long before the roads were terrible in California. I started my car and walked into the house to call Jesse. I picked up the phone and began to dial the number. Just when I did, there was a knock on the door. I walked to the door and opened it. I looked at the man standing there and dove into his arms as he held me close. Jesse was standing there. He explained that his school called a week off because of the roof caving in. As much as I loved listening to his story, I had to get to school. He walked outside with my hand locked in his and loaded me into the passenger side of my car. He promised to pick me up after school so I didn’t have to ride the terrible, nasty bus. We arrived at school and we said our goodbyes as I walked into the school.
After school let out, I ran out to the front door, where he promised to pick me up, and searched for my car or his. There was nothing. I waited for roughly half an hour before calling my mom to come get me when she got off from work. When she pulled up on the curb, I was sobbing. I was confused on how someone who said he loved me so much, could forget about me. I climbed into the seat and the look on her face was a new kind of concerning.
“Did someone already tell you?” she said in a sweet tone.
“Tell me what?”
“Well, let me ask you this. Why are you crying?”
I explained to her how I felt about him forgetting me and leaving me at the school.
“Sweety, Jesse got into a car wreck earlier today. A man was speeding and he t-boned Jesse. Jesse was taken to the hospital. He is in critical condition and doctors aren't very optimistic. We are going to the hospital now to see him. I am so sorry, honey.”
By this time my face was soaked and my right hand sleeve was tarnished from wiping my eyes. When we got to the front desk of the hospital, there was a kind looking lady who couldn’t be much more than 25 years old. She saw my eyes and handed me a soft cloth to wipe my eyes. She pushed a button on her hip and a man with dark, scruffy hair came and put his arm around my shoulder. He looked down at me and I could tell that he was about to tell me something I didn’t want to hear. He lead me to a seat and started explaining.
“Right now, he is in a coma. The man that hit him struck his car in just a way that his brain was impacted. He is in critical condition. The best thing you and your mother can do is focus on the better option and send him positive vibes. It really can help him get better. Would you like to see him?”
I thought about the offer. If I did go back and see him, I could show him the love and support he needs. Then, on the flip side, I would also remember him torn apart and lifeless. I thought and thought, but when it really came down to it, I knew what I had to do. I had to go in and love him just the same as I always would.
The room was dark and the only sound was that of his heart monitor and the machine breathing for him. I walked over to the bed where he laid and immediately started crying. His face was scratched and there was a large gash in his right side hairline. His beautiful eyes were closed and his chest was barely rising. His left arm was wrapped in a teal cast and his leg was in a cast up to his upper thigh. At that moment, I couldn’t even control my emotions. I was a mixture of mad and upset. Who could be so self centered as to injure another through speeding? Why would this happen to him? How could someone hurt him? His kindness, his beauty, his life. They were all destroyed by this terrible person. I couldn’t think of anything but this terrible person who had hurt my Jesse. He was my everything and someone decided that it would be okay to ruin my happiness. I finally decided that I needed to see the man who hurt my precious Jesse. I walked to the front desk and sighed as I asked for the room of the man. The lady walked away from the counter and lead me down a hallway. She tapped on a door and a nurse walked to the door and opened it. The two women exchanged a few words and then the nurse walked farther into the room and I could see her mouth a few words. Then she came to the door, exchanged a few more words, and assured me in. The tiles seemed to stretch on and on. My stomach was churning in knots until I finally saw the corner of the bed. I creeped in just a tiny bit more. A man, no older than 30 years old,  was lying there. He looked just like Jesse. His hair was a brown mat of curls all tousled but still its own kind of adorable. His eyes were open and they were a dark hazel. As I approached his side, I could see small flakes of green in the hazel. He was beautiful. I shook my head and cleared myself of any thought that would deter me from remembering that he hurt my best friend. He shifted his face just enough that I could see the scratches on his face.
“Hello.” he exclaimed in a cheery voice. “Who might you be? I’m pretty sure you're not part of my family and if you are, I sure don’t remember you.”
“I’m Cara. Jesse, the guy that got in the wreck with you, he’s my friend. I came here to see you, though. I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Well we can do that. I’m sure you pretty much hate me at this point, don’t you?”
“No, not really. Am I mad at you? Yes. But hate, I don’t even know such a word. This wasn’t your fault. This was a terrible wrinkle in fate.”
He looked almost surprised. His face was delicate as he continued on with his words. “How is he?”
“He is in a coma. The doctors say he is steady but not where they want him to be. He looks pretty bad. If you want, I can keep you updated at least until you get out of here.”
“That’s very kind of you. I don’t want to cause a burden though.”
“It’s not a problem because I have basically spent the entire time since he was put in.”
“Okay.”
“Dearest, you must leave now. Mr. O'Malley has a strict schedule and right now, he has to get back to it. I’m sorry. You can come back tomorrow.” A lady was standing by his bed and beginning to put medications into his IV tube. I was almost to the door when I heard words chasing me.
“Please tell me how he’s doing when you return. I would hate to be so curious and feel so guilty again.” the man said.
“I will. I promise.” I shouted back.
I made my way back to Jesse’s room and sat down on the bench by the window. Outside the window, there was a couple walking along and swinging their interlocked hands. She was laughing and blushing as he talked on and on. She looked so happy. A tear rolled down my cheek as I remembered the time Jesse and I had spent together. We had been so happy. We were just like the couple standing outside. I felt a drop hit my leg and realized I had been crying. I wiped the tears from my face and walked over to Jesse. My hand found his face and the scratches that were just starting to heel.
“The nurses say that you can hear my every word. They say that I might be able to help you out of this. So, I am asking. Will you please pull yourself through? I know that you can get better. You have to. I couldn't imagine life without you.” I came a little closer to his ear and tears fell onto his cheek. “Please.” I whispered. “Please.”
I awoke the next morning and snow was just starting to fall on the sidewalk. I watched as one snowflake and then another and then another fell past the window. Before I knew it, I looked down and mounds of snow coated everything in a magnificent white dust.
“You know Jesse, the snowflakes are just like my love for you. One by one they fall and you never realize just how much there is until you look. Little by little I fell in love with you. I never knew just how much I loved you until I looked up.”
The nurse came in and fixed his IV for his medications. She did so in silence as I cried.
Days turned into weeks faster than I wanted. Jesse still wasn’t getting better. The doctors were doing all they could. Mr. O’Malley was released from the hospital and was back at home with his daughter. Just like promised, I went to his room every day and told him what had happened to Jessie. In these days, I learned about his daughter, Marissa. She was a mom and a doctor. She was the perfect daughter. His name is James but he has never chosen to use it. Instead he uses his middle name, Andrew. He was 48 years old, but a person would never know just looking at him. His life was aww inspiring and I was drawn into everything he said. The best part was when he would tell me about his wife. She died when Marissa was just a child. She was put into the hospital and he went in every day to talk to her. He would tell her just how much he loved her and wanted her to get better. After a long time, he told her that she could let go. He explained how he could do it on his own. And he did. He raised a doctor and ran a farm while still doing his job. The day he was released from the hospital, he looked me dead in the eyes and told me what I needed to tell Jesse. Days passed before I finally decided that it was the best thing to do for him.
The room was dark and cold. I walked over to the wall and turned up the heat just enough that the room wasn’t ice. Jesse was warm. I could feel the heat radiating from him. I sat down on the side of the bed and placed my hand in his. My heart was beating much faster and my eyes welled up with tears.
“Jesse, you can let go. You don’t have to fight for me anymore. I love you and I want to see you like you used to be but, if you are fighting a losing battle, you can let go. I love you so much and I want you to know that I can do this on my own. I can live without you and I can make my life just as great as I would have done with you. It will be hard, but I can. I promise.”
I slipped my shoes off and swung my feet onto the bed. I laid there next to him, and eventually fell asleep.
The next morning, I awoke to a start when I felt someone running their fingers through my hair. “Good morning, beautiful.” A soft and familiar voice croaked. I jumped ever so slightly when I remembered the voice.
“Jesse!” Two bright brown eyes gleamed as they looked at me. I shifted just enough so we were eye to eye. He let out a small grumble. “Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Don’t worry, babe. I know you didn’t mean it.”
“I thought I was going to lose you.”
“I would never leave you alone. I promise.”
I looked up at the clock and I was shocked to see how late it was. Jesse’s nurse had already come in and given him his medication and taken off the cast that he had on his leg. It was replaced by a brace that he had to wear. None of that mattered though. I had my best friend back, I had my everything and he was going to be just fine.
A few weeks later, the doctor came in and told Jesse that he could go home. He was almost completely healed. The only thing remaining was a leg brace that kept him from straining what had been healed. Just as promised, I called Andrew O’Malley day after day with updates. I told him the day he Jesse was set to leave and Andrew invited us over to see him and so he could formally apologize to Jesse. Although I was pretty sure Jesse would want nothing to do with Andrew, I also felt like it was right to at least tell him about the invite. Jesse was pleased to go and meet Andrew, so when he was released, we drove to his house. Or, at least that’s what I wish I could tell you.
The night that I laid with Jesse was the one night I will remember for the rest of my life. A loud, constant sound was hanging in the room. When I realized what it was, I was almost screaming for help. Jesse’s heart monitor was flat lining. A team of doctors and nurses came in and pushed me out of the way. One nurse wrapped her hand around my wrist and asked me to go with her. We went out to the front desk where she sat me down. I was hysterical. There was no option of catching my breath or stopping the tears from rushing down my face. People walked by and stared. I was almost a circus act but I couldn't care less at the moment. Moments later, the team that had gone in, walked out. None of them looked pleased and I knew exactly what had happened when a doctor sat down beside me. She pulled me close to her and offered to call my mother. Only I couldn’t speak to tell her that I really did want my mother, I wanted to see Andrew. I wanted to see Jesse’s family and his friend, Derek, who I had become close to through the years. Most of all, I wanted to see Jesse.
Hours passed and my eyes were burning from the tears. I was able to talk just enough to let the doctor know that I wanted my mother. She was on her way and would be there in moments. My last request before I left was to let me see him just one last time. I walked in and placed my hand on his chest. Ice cut through my hand and a chill went up my spine. He was one so warm and where my hand laid, a heart -solid as gold- had thumped. Tears flushed my eyes once more.
“Happy Birthday, Jesse. I love you.” My heart sank as I walked out of the room. My mother was sitting just outside the room. When I came out, she stood and wrapped me in her arms as I let out another fit of hysteria.
The days following were bleak. They passed without a word until months began to need a name. I went back to school -the first time in a month- and cried almost all day. Friends helped me get through the loss and Jesse’s friend, Derek came down often. I went over to see Andrew almost once a week. My 17th birthday passed and I honestly don’t remember anything but sitting in my room and crying. The years made it better, but I will never be the same again.