My heart rate rises as I think about him. I still feel his touch through the breeze and sense his presence wherever I go, but he is no longer with me to hug me, to say “good morning”, or to ask, “how was your day?” He is no more but he still lives in my heart. I am Bell and this story is me and my love, Ivan’s love story.
I first saw him in a clothing store in London. I felt something unusual. When I turned to look around, there he was. He looked at me with a gentle smile.His eyes shined like the water in the ocean. At that moment I imagined my whole life with him, from start till end. After the special eye contact we had, he came up to me, as he came closer to me I felt his heart rate rise, his heart went LUB-DUP-LUB-TUP! He asked my name. I replied, “Bell” and I asked his, he answered, “Ivan.” We had a long conversation about our interests and those interests made us more interested in each other.
After we had our casual meetings every week, we came closer and closer to one and another. I felt a spark between us. I didn’t know what to call it, I was confused. Days went by so quickly. The special day of my life was Valentine's Day. He took me to my favorite restaurant, he went down on his knees and told me, “I know that we don’t know each other for a long time but I recognized that this is love. I was searching for the special person in my life, the one person who understands me, who trusts me, who loves me and I saw you, I will give you all the happiness and love in life.” and here came the most romantic moment of my life, he asked,“Bell, Will you marry me?” I was flattered, at that moment I realized, I was in love with him, it wasn’t the a crush but it was real, pure, true love.  I was in tears of joy, I answered “Yes!”
Months went by, Ivan and I were one month away from our wedding. Everything went smooth until, the point where my whole life changed. I was in my house, I felt a little dizzy, I wasn’t able to breathe, it seemed as if someone was hold me from inhaling. The next day I woke up and realized I was in the hospital. I asked the doctor “Why did I faint? Is it anything serious?” The doctor told me with slight hesitation that I wasn’t going to live for long. I found out that I had heart cancer. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to say to Ivan, I didn’t know how he would react. My whole world shattered.
I wanted to meet Ivan, I wanted to share this to him. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I can’t keep being dishonest to him. I had to make a decision. I took some time to think it through and came to a conclusion to break up with Ivan. This way he wouldn't find out about my illness or have any pain. He might be heartbroken at first but it was better than the pain of knowing the love of your life was going to die. It’s better than seeing him having sympathy for me. I made myself strong. The day after, I went to Ivan and said “I can’t do this anymore, we can’t be together, I'm breaking up with you”. He grabbed my hand before I can make a move, he asked, “why? We’re getting married in a month, don’t you remember we love each other” and then I answered “I can’t take this anymore! And I don't love you! You were just a mistake.” It was really hard for me to say I don’t love you.I was broke.the illness didn't give me as much pain as saying goodbye to Ivan was. I was already dead before my disease killed me. I gave him a last goodbye kiss and ran away from him. That was the last day I saw him.
I went faraway from Ivan, so he wouldn't be able to find me. Everyday that went by was leading closer to my death. My friend informed me that Ivan was searching for me every where. When I found out that he was still not over me, I called him. I tried convincing him to move on but he said “you still have feeling for me and don’t try to ignore it.” I told him to stop searching for me and ended the call. It was nice to see him still wanting me, but I also felt guilty. He loved me enough to not give up his faith in me even after me saying I don't like you.
Two days later, the nurse and doctor came to me and said that they have found a perfect heart match for my surgery. I was really happy, I had a chance to get back with Ivan. The doctors asked me if I wanted to do the surgery and I said “yes.” I didn't care about if I was going to live after the surgery but all I cared about was seeing Ivan again. I got ready for the surgery and the nurses to me to the surgery room. The last thing I remember from the surgery was when the doctors gave me Anastasia. Five hours later, the surgery was successfully completed. I was going to be discharged, so I started packing my things. I stepped out of the hospital to find Ivan.
Few months later, I searched everywhere, I asked his friends, I asked his parents, I asked everyone, but all the information that I got was “we don’t know” and “he vanished.” I went to the store Ivan and I first met, this was my last shot. The same, old owner came to me and gave me a letter, which said “From Ivan, to Bell.”
“Dear Bell,
      I know you were searching for me and I know you won’t stop. There is no need to search anywhere, I will always live inside you. Every second you live is every second I live. Without you there is no me. I am the breath you take. Whenever you come near me my heart starts pumping. I am nothing without you, so I gave you a small gift, my heart. It takes many births to complete an incomplete love. I admit we couldn’t meet this time but we will definitely meet again. Won’t we?
With lots of Love,
Ivan”
He sacrificed his life for mine. He forgot without him I am just a soulless living body. It was hard for me to live without him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. The world means nothing to me without him. Why didn't he take me along with him? How can I live without him? I live only because of him, I have dedicated my life for him. I stayed alive so he could stay alive in my heart. Without him there is no me.