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Love and lonliness
As I felt a light shove on my shoulder I opened my eyes and saw the girl to my right looking at me. We locked eyes as she loudly whispered over to me “You’re nose is bleeding.”
I jolted my head up in the same moment my English teacher said aggressively, “Josh, Marie pay attention or I will kick you out.” I wiped the blood off of my face with my sleeve and looked toward the board. Dozing off and bobbing my head for every minute or so. The end of class bell scared the s*** out of me, and I was suddenly wide awake with a resting b**** face. I picked up my backpack and walked out into the crowded hallway.
Passing through the hallway I spun around halfway and I looked at Marie, whom I didn’t really know. She said asked me, “Why do you have nose bleeds so often?”
I thought to myself why the hell do you care and just casually responded, “I don’t know, my nose get pretty dry or something like that”. She said “oh okay I was just wondering.” I turned around and walked up to my locker knowing that was a lie. It was because of doing cocaine. I’m not really addicted to it, I just like to do it. It makes me feel great. For like 15 minutes.
I walked into the art room for 2nd period, the only class I enjoyed. My teacher was spitting out some pre-class wisdom, like he normally does and he began talking about love. It didn’t really interest me as much because I have always blocked out trying to be in relationships and wasting time for that kind of stuff during high school. Tuning back in for a second I got caught on the words, “Love is life’s gift and it is the most beautiful thing , but it can and it will hurt like a b****.” Hearing that, it made me not want to have a relationship or love anyone even more than before. The whole day I have had the negative idea of love stuck in my head. Seeing couples in the hallway judging them thinking how pointless and petty they are. You’re most likely not going to marry who you date in high school, and that’s a fact. So why waste the time?
Coughing my lungs out, I passed the glass bong over to my friend Freddy in my passenger seat. He cleared the bowl, and we hopped out of my car to let it air out. We lit up out morning cigs while bashing school as usual. The first bell to get to class rang so we tossed our cigs on the concrete and hustled into class. I sat down stoned off my ass and Marie started talking to me. I thought to myself in an annoyed tone why are you talking to me?!
“Hi Josh, how’s it going?”
I responded “What’s up, nothing much, how are you?” in an effortless way.
“I’m doing gr-“
“Class let’s get started.”
She then whispered “great” and faced forward.
Every time today that I have passed her in the hallway or seen her in class she has said hi to me. Like what does she want from me, why is she talking to me? I don’t know her!
Class let out for the day, and I was chilling on the stairs in from of the school thinking about how I was going to come up with some drug money for the night, when out of the corner of my eye I saw someone sit next to me. What would you guess? It was Marie. I became more annoyed than ever.
She began to talk to me asking me the same thing as earlier. I asked her, “what do you want from me? Like why are you all of a sudden talking to me?”
She replied “I just think you seem cool and nice and I wanted to get to know you!”
“You’re wasting your time.”
She popped up off of the stairs grabbed my jacket off of the steel railing next to me and said, “If you want your jacket back you’re going to have to come to the park and talk to me!” wearing a cute grin on her flawless face. Well, I didn’t want to do that but it’s cold out, and that’s my favorite jacket. That clever b****.
I trailed behind her following her to the park just a block or two down from the school. We sat down on the cold swings hovering above the mulch. There was an awkward silence for a short minute. She opened up, “I noticed that you take art, are you good?” What the hell kind of question is that I thought to myself.
I just said “I’m alright.”
She asked, “What’s your all time favorite piece?”
What’s your favorite piece?”
She said, “I asked first!” trying too hard to be cute.
I said to her, “You answer first because I know that you’re just going to say it’s your favorite piece to make it seem like we have a connection.”
She thought it was a fair enough argument and said “fine. My favorite piece is the face of war by Salvador Dali.”
I immediately stood up, snatched my jacket, and walked away. She came chasing after me and pulled me around like she did in the hallway yesterday.
She said, “what’s wrong??” I looked into her eyes for a long second without saying anything. Looking through my eyes she said, “Wait, that’s your favorite piece too isn’t it!”
I didn’t respond to that and only said, “See ya in English tomorrow.” She replied with my back turned to her, “goodbye!”
It was a typical Friday morning. Stoned, tired. I walked into 1st period and, of course, she said hi to me I replied, “Hey dude”, and laid my head down on my desk almost instantaneously falling asleep.
The day went by fast, and I was heading out to my car when I stuck my hands in my jacket pockets. I felt a hard piece of paper in my pocket. I pulled it out, it was a blank index card with “Meet me at 3252 Woodtrail Ave at 9pm tonight.” I thought to myself whatever. I have nothing better to do. Still trying to seem cool to myself, covering up the fact that I’m lowkey sensitive. In reality, Marie has been the only thing on my mind. I couldn’t even focus on my artwork because of her.
It was about 8:45 when I hopped in my piece of s*** rusty-ass station wagon and headed out. I typed in the address on my GPS and lit up a rette(meaning cigarette).
As I pulled up to what my GPS thought was the place, I found myself looking at a small silhouette barn with the moon in a clear sky peaking above the top of the barn. I was sketched out. As I got out of my car I heard the faint sound of music. I walked into the pitch black barn hoping not to trip and puncture an organ on whatever the hell was in here. After a few seconds, I saw a little bit of light and walked towards it. I saw the moon through a doorway with a female silhouette figure. It was Marie and she was listening to some Mac Demarco, one of my favorite musical artists.
I sat down next to her and with each sentence our conversations began to get deeper, learning more about each other every second. She began to tell me about her family, talking about her sister and her mom whom she seemed to love dearly. Then she started talking about her dad. She told me he was an alcoholic; he was abusive. When he comes home drunk he is always instigating fights with her mom and sometimes even hits her. It was a bit awkward because I had no idea what to say, so I just looked at her. Looking into her glossy eyes, small lonely tears ran down her smooth cheeks. I felt uncomfortable for a second not knowing what to do or say, so I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight to my chest. I felt so warm and comfortable on the inside and out. I had a slight smile on my face strictly because I couldn’t resist it. She pulled herself off of me and we locked eyes, looking through each other. The moonlight glistened off of her face and twinkled in her eyes. Our faces were nearly touching when she closed her eyes. I moved closer and kissed her warm lush lips. My god that was one of the greatest feelings of happiness I have ever felt.
The entire night I couldn’t stop smiling! I liked Marie, a lot! I had so much trouble falling asleep that night.
Before I knew it, it was the school week again. Suddenly I didn’t feel like getting high before school today. In 1st period I found myself talking to her and not being annoyed and just looked at her face and eyes. Her eyes were satisfying, sky blue with a glimmer of hope.
I closed my locker door and nearly s*** my pants because after I shut it Marie was standing right behind it. I jumped and then laughed for a second. She said, “Sooooooooo, wanna go on a date this Saturday??”
I replied, “Heck yeah I do!!” We then later planned out our date; I was super excited. I’ve never been on a date before. We are going to go to this little Indian restaurant called Chowpatty.
The rest of the week zoomed by as I had hoped, and it was Saturday. I threw on my tight black jeans and a black Mac Demarco 2 t-shirt. I hopped in my roughed up station wagon and headed over to pick up Marie at her house. I went up to the door and rang the obnoxiously sounding doorbell. Her mom answered the door and shook my hand saying “You must be Josh. Nice to meet you! Marie will be down in just a minute.” I hung out for a second, and then I saw Marie walking towards the door. She had on a dapper-looking, snow white sweater and black yoga pants.
We seated ourselves at a booth made of nice black leather and a mahogany frame to add to the beauty of it. The entire place was aesthetically pleasing. The raw-sienna colored walls were covered in Indian culture, and the floor was one big mandala design. We ordered the chicken tikka masala with sticky rice and shared it because the portions were relatively large. Talking, laughing , smiling, sharing knowledge all made for a great dinner.
After we left Chowpatty, we walked around the plaza just for the hell of it. I reached over and grabbed her warm hand, looking at me with her big eyes she smiled.
It was around 9pm when I was driving her home. Right as we arrived she invited me inside to watch a movie. Of course, I accepted her invite and went inside. We talked with her mom for a few minutes who was anxious to know how dinner was, and then headed to her basement.
We scrolled through a list of movies and decided to watch a horror movie. It was a true story about some guy who was a serial killer. It was pretty freaky. Marie had her eyes lightly covered for most of the movie, and every time something popped out or freaky happened she squeezed the living s*** out of my torso. I enjoyed it, though. After the movie ended, we laid there on her couch cuddling all comfy and such. We were looking at each other, and she slowly moved her hand to my face and we began to kiss. After a few seconds we were intimately making out, wrapping our tongues together pressing our faces up against one another.
It was about 11:30 when I decided it was about time to go home. As we walked towards the stairs, we heard a door slam abruptly. We could faintly heard the words, “Oh my god, are you drunk?” Marie grabbed my hand tightly and we began to fearfully walk up the stairs. We were walking towards the front door, hearing fighting going on.
She stopped me for a second and said, “Please take me with you, I can’t stand being here right now. Please Josh.”
I said “Okay, lets go”.
As we opened the front door the fighting stopped and her dad stumbled into the hallway. We were halfway out the front door when he said with a slurred voice, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
Marie responded “I’m leaving”
He said, “No you’re not, get back in this house.” She didn’t say anything to him and proceeded to walk out the front door clearly embarrassed by him. He grabbed her by the shoulder and tugged her back with hard force. Not knowing his strength he ended up launching her onto the hardwood floor. She began crying, and he looked like he regretted that act immediately. I ran over and picked Marie up off the floor, and we left without uttering a single word.
We came back to my place where I was going to let her stay for the night. My mom had to work Sunday mornings and is a heavy sleeper, so I wasn’t worried about sneaking Marie in through my front door.
I tucked her into my bed and said lowly, “I’m going to sleep on the couch, sweet dreams”, and kissed her on the forehead. As I turned around and began to walk out of the room, she said, “Wait!” with a sad and lonely looking face “Will you stay with me please?” So I walked over and laid down beside her, holding her. She rolled over towards me and looked me through the eyes. She kissed me with her soft lips. We began to make out and within a few minutes we were intimately kissing and our clothes were off. She laid on top of me and with our warm bodies pressing up against each other we made beautiful, beautiful love.
A few months had passed with Marie, we were young and in love. I drove her to school everyday, and we deemed every Saturday night as date night. Her mother got a separation from her alcoholic father. I had slowed down on the drugs because I didn’t need them to feel great anymore: Marie took their place. I still liked to smoke dope, though. Life was wonderful at this moment in time.
It was a frigid Friday night and we were at a party at Marie’s friend, Taylor’s house. The night was still young at 930pm. Everybody was getting f***ed up, Marie especially. She was hammered and she was funny. Me and Freddy stepped out back to smoke a couple joints and get nice and crunk.
After about 20 minutes we went back into the warm house. It was loud and crowded inside. I walked around for quite sometime looking for Marie but I couldn’t find her. I found Taylor and asked “have you seen Marie anywhere?”
She replied, “No I haven’t seen her in like ten minutes, can you not find her?”
I responded, “Nope, I’m going to go look for her.”
I passed by Freddy and told him to come help me. We went in the basement and couldn’t find her and then headed up stairs. All of the upstairs rooms were empty until we came to the door at the end of the hallway. It was locked. I began to feel slight anxiety and said, “Yo, open up!” I heard some guy yell go away. I really began to get worried. I backed up a few feet and kicked the door at the lock and busted it open. What I saw was horrifying. There she was, my beautiful Marie, lying unconscious on the bed completely naked being manhandled by some f*** boy. The guy looked over and said, “What the f***, get out of here.” I walked over to him, grabbed him by the neck and threw his ass on the floor. I jumped on top of him and repeatedly pounded the hell out of his face, until it was a bloody mess. I swear I would’ve f***ing killed him if Freddy didn’t pull me off. I turned to the bed and looked at her bruised, naked, unconscious body and began to cry. I picked her up and held her with my knees on the ground sobbing uncontrollably.
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